Best Friends
by Joely P
Summary: What if Sam was the one who went to spy on the Warblers? Blaine and Sam meet on the staircase at Dalton and are immediately drawn to each other. This is their story. Blam!
1. Teenage Dream

"Excuse me."

Blaine turned around and looking up he met the gaze of the most beautiful green eyes he'd ever seen. For a second he stared at the boy a couple of steps above him on the stairs. This tall, gorgeous boy with golden hair...wait, what was he wearing? Then the blond spoke again and Blaine's eyes were drawn to his amazingly full lips and all coherent thought vanished from his mind. Next thing he knew he was running towards the senior commons with Sam - he said Sam, right? - in tow. Once his fellow Warblers started singing he was back in control of himself, calm and confident as always when performing.

* * *

Sam was mesmerized by the performance - or rather by the dark-haired boy who was singing lead. The boy who had grabbed his hand and run with him here. The boy named Blaine. Obviously the song was really sexy with Katy Perry. But this was somehow better. This boy had an amazing voice - he really conveyed the emotion of the song. Sam actually felt like a teenager in love. Well, sure, he was a teenager in love, but Quinn was the last thing on his mind right now. He was engulfed by the presence of this boy with the firm gaze that never failed to find Sam in the crowd. As the song ended he found himself unable to stop staring at Blaine, the widest smile on his lips. And Blaine walked up to him.

"You didn't think you'd get away with it, did you?"

Sam snapped back to reality. "Huh?"

"With spying, I mean." Sam relaxed when he saw the warm smile on Blaine's face as he continued. "Come on, I'll buy you coffee."

* * *

"You've got to tell me the story of that outfit." Blaine giggled.

"Yeah," Sam laughed "well, I was trying to blend in. But obviously I couldn't get to an actual uniform, so I kind of improvised..." He trailed off, looking down at his hands for a second. "I guess Blonde Chameleon dropped the ball on this one..."

Blaine chuckled. "What?"

"It's my secret identity, as a superhero you know." He could see that Blaine was amused. "Oh, shit I can't believe I told you about my secret identity!" he added with a wink.

They spent the next hour talking, mostly about random dorky stuff, and laughing. For a moment no one was talking, Blaine was sipping his coffee and Sam took a swig of his diet coke. They both looked up almost at the same time and as their eyes met that bubbly elated feeling of the song coursed trough him again and two words popped into his mind. Lor menari. He broke the silence, but for once he didn't blurt out just whatever was in his mind. "Did you like Avatar?" and with that they fell back into their carefree conversation.

"So, Sam, can I call you sometime?"

"Sure, dude, that would be awesome!"

* * *

When Blaine returned to his room, he dropped on the bed flat on his back. Unable to wipe the wide grin off his face. Still all warm and fuzzy inside and with Sam´s number secured in his phone. Sam with the golden hair. Sam with the emerald eyes. Sam with the most hilarious impressions and the cutest smile. He felt like he was actually living the song he'd sung earlier. All colors were suddenly brighter. Something had changed inside him and in the back of his mind he already knew it wasn't going to change back.

* * *

Why didn't he call? Had he given him the wrong number? Well, so what if Blaine didn't want to hang out with him? After all they were show choir enemies. But somehow the thought of not seeing him again made Sam´s stomach feel weird. Why was that? It really wasn't like Sam to worry like this. He usually avoided spending too much time thinking about stuff. Especially stuff that confused him. And this was definitely one such thing.

He jumped at his phone each time it rang. Twice it was Quinn, and Finn called once about football practice or whatever. It was pretty late in the evening the day after his trip to Dalton when he picked up his phone to check for missed calls and it started ringing in his hand. The display showing an unknown number.

"Um, hello!"

"Hi, it's Blaine..."

"Oh, hi Blaine! It's Sam."

Blaine let out a little laugh. "Great, I was afraid you'd given me a fake number."

Hearing Blaine's smile in his voice made Sam all warm inside. Just like last time talking with Blaine was fun and easy. When Blaine suggested they'd get some sleep, he realized it had gotten really late. But still he was reluctant to hang up. "Are you doing anything on Saturday?" he asked.

"Well, I have some homework I have to do, but other that that, no."

"Come over to my house then. Bring your homework! I bet you're really smart - you can help me with mine. And we'll hang out and do something fun and I don't know... make nachos?"

Blaine giggled at Sam´s rant. "Sure, that sounds great. See you then."

"Okay, yeah."

"Goodnight Sam."

"Goodnight Blaine."

* * *

Blaine was sitting on the floor of Sam´s room. Wow, he was actually in Sam´s room. He was trying hard to focus on his homework. After all he had, much to Sam´s dislike, insisted that they'd finish their homework before they could do anything else. But the tingling in his stomach, which intensified each time Sam looked up from his books trough his blond bangs and smiled at him, made it really difficult to concentrate. So when Sam, after about just twenty minutes of homework, suggested they'd watch a movie instead he was totally up for it.

"You pick," Sam said pointing him towards the bookcase where his DVDs were.

"Ooh, Watchmen!" Blaine exclaimed. "I haven't seen it in like forever. Can we? Please?"

"Yes, awesome!" Sam beamed.

Once the movie started Blaine discovered just how much fun watching movies with Sam was. He was constantly commenting or asking about something or joining in part of the dialogue with all these funny voices. Blaine was still on the floor, his back resting against the bed where Sam was sprawled out half-sitting, half-lying.

"Why don't you come sit up here?" Sam asked cheerfully.

Even though there was nothing Blaine would rather do than get on that bed with Sam he was much too nervous to do so. Also he was blushing furiously, so he didn't even turn around to give him his answer. "I'm comfy here."

Sam threw a pillow at the back of his head. "Come on, get up here!"

Blaine grabbed the pillow and took a swing at Sam who quickly deflected the blow with another pillow. Blaine jumped up on the bed. Standing on their knees they continued whacking each other with the pillows, roaring with laughter. When Sam changed his attack and started tickling him instead Blaine lost control of his muscles and crashed down on the bed. Sam was quick to take advantage of the higher ground, straddling him, pinning his arms down. Suddenly Sam was completely still.

Blaine´s head was spinning, his thoughts running at a million miles an hour, as Sam hovered above him staring into his eyes. He held his breath. Unable to make himself move. Or afraid to. Was this it? Were they about to kiss? Wasn't it too soon? They had just met after all. But, God how he wanted it! He ached to feel Sam´s hot lips on his own.

And then Sam rolled off of him, with a final playful jab to his stomach. "You're super ticklish!" he smiled.

* * *

 **A/N - Thanks for reading! This is my first fic so I really appreciate any and all comments/reviews. Hope you enjoy it!**


	2. Rainy Days

Due to the distance, all their respective extracurricular activities and homework Sam and Blaine didn't see each other during the week. They did talk on the phone a few times though, about anything and everything. No, wait, that wasn't true. Sam never actually mentioned Quinn. It wasn't deliberate, it just never seemed important to talk about her with Blaine.

* * *

Though summer was long gone, some days the weather was still quite nice and the following Saturday was actually one of the last warm days of that fall. Sam and Blaine spent the day in the park. Walking around, talking, playing some ball and eating ice-cream. They were happily goofing around and it was just way too easy to ignore the dark clouds looming at the horizon. But when Sam felt a cold gust of wind, he knew what he would see looking up. The first heavy drop of rain landed on his cheek with a tiny splash, and within seconds it was pouring down. They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"Come on! To the tree!" Sam yelled as he started running. To his surprise Blaine caught up and actually beat him to the big tree were they took cover from the rain. For a while they just stood there, backs against the trunk, trying to catch their breath, which was difficult since they still couldn't stop laughing.

Blaine was the first to speak. "I guess should go home, I'm all wet."

"No! You can't," Sam blurted, driven by some strange concern for his friend. Out of uniform Blaine usually wore pretty tight clothes, and today was no exception, so Sam could clearly see that he was really fit. But he was still not a big guy, every minute spent in those cold wet clothes were a risk to his health.

"Haha, what?" Blaine looked at him quizzically.

"You'll be super cold driving that far like this. You'll get sick." he explained.

"Well, then what do you suggest I do?" Blaine was all of a sudden completely serious and his hazel eyes were fixed on Sam´s.

"Let's go to my house! It's way closer."

"Alright then, let's go," Blaine agreed to Sam´s relief.

* * *

When they got inside Sam immediately turned to Blaine. "Let's get you out of those wet clothes!" Blaine just stared at him. "I mean, we should probably go up to my room first," he added, thinking it would be awkward for Blaine to meet his parents without his clothes on. But that didn't make Blaine unfreeze, so Sam grabbed his hand and tugged him towards the staircase. Once in his room he told him "You can shower if you want, I'll get you a towel." Blaine, however, was still weirdly quiet, but he accepted the pile Sam handed him and walked into the bathroom.

Sam quickly shed his own soaked clothes. Then he put on dry boxers and a white tank top, and dropped on his bed. He had been so intent on getting Blaine warm and dry, but now he became aware of the sound of the shower running and somehow it made him feel uneasy. So he got up again to put on some music and turned on his Wii.

When Blaine entered the room a short while later Sam looked up from his game of Mario Kart and his breath caught in his chest at the sight of Blaine in his hoodie and sweats. Blaine stopped right inside the door and for a moment they just looked at one another. Blaine was the one to break the silence, "Give me a control and I'll kick you ass," he smiled.

* * *

Since he started at McKinley things had been going really well for Sam. He had a lot of friends, he'd made quarterback, although briefly, and landed a cheerleader girlfriend. Glee was great, even if it did cost him the occasional slushie to the face, besides that would all change when they won nationals. But he was never fully relaxed with his friends at school, he always had to watch what he was doing or saying. Finn had made that clear when he attempted to dissuade him from singing that duet with Kurt. And what he had with Quinn was great, it really was, but he knew that she didn't really approve of a lot of things about him. Things like Avatar being his favorite movie.

Blaine on the other hand was different. With Blaine he never had to pretend to be someone else. Blaine created a space in Sam´s life where he could be himself completely, relax and just have fun.

* * *

The following week went on pretty much like the one before, Blaine and Sam spoke on the phone almost every night.

One day Sam got this idea in his head that Blaine should have a boyfriend. He really should and who wouldn't want to be with Blaine? With his amazing voice and beautiful big hazel eyes. He should totally meet Kurt! Sam was carried away with his idea and set up a thing with Kurt on Friday night for them to meet.

* * *

Once again they spent a lazy Saturday afternoon in Sam´s room. Comic books strewn out all over the floor.

"The glee-kids are having a party tonight, wanna come?" Before Blaine had a chance to answer, Sam continued, "well, it's not really a party, I mean there won't be any booze or anything. It's at Artie´s, and his parents are gonna be around I guess." Still not ready to let Blaine answer he went on, "But you'll get to meet the rest of my friends. You'll get to meet Quinn." He didn't even know why he said that last part. It was just about time right? And why shouldn't he anyway.

"Who's Quinn?" Blaine asked just now looking up from what he was reading.

For a second Sam hesitated, biting his lower lip he broke eye-contact when the words finally got past his lips. "My girlfriend."

* * *

Those two words hit Blaine in the chest with a pang. His mouth opened as if he were starting to speak, but no words came out. His head was spinning. For a few seconds that seemed like an eternity he just stared at Sam, those words ringing in his ears. A deep pit readily forming in his stomach. "I... I... I've gotta go." Scrambling to his feet he was out the door, before Sam had even moved.

* * *

Sam sat frozen staring at the door, but as he heard a car start outside he ran to the window. He wasn't aware how his lying had hurt Blaine, he wasn't even aware that he had lied. So he didn't understand what had just happened, but watching Blaine drive away he felt his stomach churn.

* * *

Blaine was lying on his bed. Tears were still streaming down his cheeks. How could he have been so stupid? Had he really thought that he could have a chance with Sam? With someone as gorgeous as Sam. Someone as funny and kind and amazing. And of course Sam was straight, how could he not have seen that. His phone started buzzing and though he was not even sure what he hoped for he jumped at it.

A text. From Sam. "Hey, bro. U alright?"

Despite himself Blaine answered right away. "Yeah, just remembered I promised mom to help her with some stuff."

After a minute or two there was another text, "See u tonite? :)"

He wanted to say no. To just stay at home and wallow in his misery. And staying away from Sam would be best for him. But somehow he couldn't make himself do that. Sam´s casual tone suggested that he didn't suspect anything was wrong. He probably didn't know about Blaine´s feelings for him. So maybe if he would act as if nothing had happened they could continue as before - and be friends. He would get over his crush. After all it was just a silly crush, he had them all the time. And they could remain friends and he could still have Sam in his life. "Sure!"


	3. Watching You

Arriving at the party Blaine was kind of relieved to find that Sam wasn't there yet. He had still to figure out how to handle seeing him again.

Blaine hadn't really met any of Sam's friends before. Except for Kurt who he actually met just the other night. Wait, had Sam tried to set him up with Kurt? Yes, of course he had been so hung up on his stupid fantasy of Sam being into him that the thought never crossed his mind. He really was oblivious sometimes. Anyway he and Kurt had gotten along great. And so they did tonight. He even found that he wasn't just being polite when he suggested that Kurt transfer to Dalton to escape his bully at McKinley, and told him it would be fun. It really would be fun to have a friend like that at school.

* * *

As one might have expected Puck had managed not only to get hold of some beer but also to smuggle it into the house. He had devised a cunning plan to keep it hidden from Artie's parents, who would come and check up on them every so often. Sam and Finn had brought tons of soda cans and the three of them were now chugging down as much of it as possible before filling the empty cans with beer. Sam found the plan to be both genius and hilarious; already on a high of bubbles and sugar.

* * *

Sam kept looking over to where Blaine was sitting with Kurt and some of the girls. He noticed that Blaine didn't have any beer, while he himself was a bit buzzed, okay maybe more than a bit. Was Blaine even having fun? What were they talking about anyway? Poor Blaine, he must be bored out of his mind by Kurt's endless rants about Vogue and whatnot. Blaine really ought to have a beer, or at least have some fun, dancing or... something. What had he been thinking when he wanted Blaine to meet Kurt? They weren't a good match at all, right? He should probably go over there to save his friend.

"Hey guys! Having fun?" Sam perched himself on the armrest of the couch Blaine was sitting on, effectively wedging himself in between Blaine and Kurt, his back halfway turned at the latter.

The dark-haired boy looked up and smiled at him - but what was it with his eyes tonight? - they seemed to have lost some of that spark Sam always saw there when Blaine would smile at him. "Hey Sam."

"How about we give Rachel a run for her money on the karaoke machine?" Kurt suggested craning his neck to look at Blaine.

"Yeah, I'm in," Sam was quick to declare.

"Blaine?" Kurt asked.

"Nah, I'll pass. I'm kinda tired." Blaine answered. "You guys go ahead though, I guess she's really earned a break by now." he added with a soft smile.

"So Sam, you and Quinn are the only ones to have beaten her, right? Maybe we should do a reprise of your infamous duet?"

"Hah, right, and I guess I owe you a duet, or you owe me one, but I doubt that _Islands in the stream_ is what this party needs right now." A mischievous smile spread on Sam's lips "Let's do Spice Girls!"

"I thought you'd never ask!" Kurt twittered jokingly as they made their way across the room towards the stage, which was in fact just a corner.

Sam and Kurt's performance of _Wannabe_ was a huge success, at least to the extent that such is measured in corny dance moves and the hysteric giggling and cheering of the crowd. Parts of the crowd anyway. Quinn did not look amused but Sam guessed, admittedly unfairly, that him having fun was just another thing she didn't approve of. Sam had tried and failed to find Blaine's face in the crowd during the song, and his heart sank when he saw his friend still sitting over on the couch appearing not to really pay attention to them.

* * *

After the song ended Sam walked up to Blaine and dropped down beside him on the couch. He draped a heavy arm around Blaine's shoulders. "Hey Blaaiine! Didn't you like our show?"

"Yeah, you were good," despite not having been able to bring himself to actually watch them, and despite all the silliness of the song, Blaine had noticed that Sam's voice was wonderful, "I'm just not really a fan though."

"You don't look like you're having any fun. You should be having fun!" Sam squeezed his shoulder a bit and leaned a bit closer, and added, in a loud whisper, "You wanna know a secret? I'mma tell you a secret, Blaine!"

Blaine really couldn't deal with any more of Sam's "secrets" today. "Sam, no. I'm just tired, I think I should go."

But Sam continued. "I wanted to sing that song with you," he scooted even closer and Blaine felt his side burning where Sam was pressed up against him. "It would have been waay funner!"

"Alright, Sam, you're drunk, and I'm gonna go," at that Sam tightened his grip around Blaine and rested his cheek against his shoulder. Drunken Sam was super cute, but also - Blaine being completely sober knowing full well that drinking as much as a drop would guarantee him to start crying again - frankly a bit annoying. Sam snuggled against his shoulder as he rambled on, "You're the best, Blaine. You're my best friend. You're so awesome! So so awesome!" And even though it was just drunken ramble his words hit Blaine right in the gut. He felt tears welling up in his eyes, he fought them back desperately as he released himself from Sam's half embrace and stood up to leave. He turned his head to meet Sam's beautiful earnest eyes, and with a weak smile he said "Yeah, you too. Goodnight Sam."

* * *

The few weeks remaining until Sectionals went by quickly. Blaine was really busy with the intensified Warblers practice on top of regular school work and activities. And of course he started spending a lot of time with Kurt after the latter transferred to Dalton. It was nice to hang out with Kurt. Simple. And not seeing Sam all that much made it so much easier to get over his crush. Or at least to ignore it; his heart still sped up noticeably whenever Sam would text or call him.

* * *

It was just a few days before the competition, and one of those rare occasions when Blaine actually had time to hang out with Sam. "Guess what I wanna do for your consolation price when we beat you at sectionals!" Sam demanded excitedly.

"When _we_ beat _you_ , you mean?"

"Hah, like that'll ever happen! No, we're gonna beat you. But guess now!" Sam insisted.

Blaine could really not guess what was on Sam's mind, but as he mused on it for a few moments a host of images of things he might want Sam to be doing for his consolation appeared in his head, he shook them away and laughed "No, tell me!"

"I'm gonna take you to the movies," Sam beamed.

Blaine looked down at his hands "Shouldn't you be taking Quinn?"

"Don't be silly, Blaine! She won't go with me. And besides it's way more fun to go with you." Blaine still just watched his friend, not sure what to make of all this. "She doesn't even like Harry Potter!"

With that Blaine pieced the puzzle together, and he was so excited "Yes! Deathly Hallows! Wow, I can't believe we haven't seen it yet."

* * *

Blaine was amazing! His voice so beautiful and he radiated so much joy and confidence up on that stage. The way Blaine's eyes sought his in the crowd put the widest smile on Sam's lips. He was funny and beautiful and... It wasn't weird to notice that about your best friend, right? Sam had really begun to think about Blaine as his best friend lately, even though they hadn't really spent that much time together in the past weeks. But that was all going to change tonight. He actually felt more excited about the movie than the competition.

* * *

As the song started even before Blaine saw where it was coming from he had goose bumps all over, as he turned around he was completely stunned. He couldn't think, damn, he couldn't even breathe as he watched Sam walk down those stairs. He was so beautiful, so breathtakingly agonizingly gorgeous. Sam's shirt clung to him so tightly that just looking at him, starting in his hands, a tingling sensation spread through Blaine's entire body, just as if he, at least so he imagined, were actually touching his chest. And then _she_ appeared. The chemistry between them was unmistakable, even palpable. And of course it made perfect sense: the hot football player and his hot cheerleader girlfriend. They looked so good together and their voices went so beautifully with one another that it made him want to cry.


	4. Hands and Hearts

Blaine was amused to see just how badly suited Sam's movie watching habits were for the theater; since he couldn't keep talking like he would normally do his thoughts and feelings instead manifested through his body. He was never still for more than a few minutes, he shifted in his seat, pulled at his hair, turned to Blaine to nudge his arm with a surprised look or a knowing grin as the film went on. Sometimes it seemed the blond couldn't help himself and just had to whisper something to Blaine, leaning in so close that Blaine could feel his hot breath on his ear and neck - sending shivers trough his entire body. At one point Sam stood up halfway out of his chair grasping the armrests along with Blaine's hand that happened to be there. When he sat back in his chair he didn't let go of it, but instead seemed to not notice he was holding it, now with both his hands. Blaine couldn't even concentrate on the movie anymore it was all he could do to keep breathing and not have his heart beat its way out of his chest, seeing as now his hand was actually in Sam's lap.

When the credits started rolling Sam pulled one leg up on the seat and turned to face Blaine with the widest smile, "How great was that? I can't believe we have to wait another six months to find out how it ends!" he said emphasizing his impatience by jumping a bit in his seat.

"Yeah, I know," Blaine laughed. "But you do know how it ends though, right?"

"I'm not really a good reader, and the book is like a million pages, so I just never ..." Sam looked down at his hands, and only now he seemed to realize that he was still clutching Blaine's hand in his.

* * *

Fuck, he was doing it again, right? Whatever _it_ was, because he wasn't sure of that. But holding Blaine's hand like this was clearly inappropriate. It wasn't that he minded, he cared so much about Blaine and he liked to be close to the people he cared about. But he didn't want to make Blaine uncomfortable, because then things might get weird and the last thing he wanted was for things to get weird between them and screw up their friendship. It was just that when he was with Blaine he sometimes forgot where the boundary between the appropriate and well, whatever was beyond that line was. Carefully he pulled his hands away from Blaine's to the armrest between them.

Then Blaine got up "Let's go for coffee!" And before Sam a a chance to object he added with his most radiant smile "Yes, you can have hot chocolate instead."

* * *

Finally it had arrived! The first morning of Christmas break. And also The Day of Blaine's Christmas Gift. Sam had been planning it for weeks, well the planning had consisted of him thinking about fun stuff he wanted them to do together. The first thing on his mind had been them hanging out in his room together, because he had really missed that in the last weeks. So that's were they'd start. For lunch he would make pancakes, partly because that was all he really knew how to cook but mostly because he new Blaine loved them and that he would surely exclaim something like "Mmh, Sam! This is so delicious!" between bites, and Sam found that adorable.

After the meal they would watch TV sprawled on the big couch of the living room, and probably have to nap for a while. In the afternoon they were going ice-skating. Blaine had told him about how he used to play ice hockey when he was younger but quit for whatever reason, probably at least since he switched schools - Sam couldn't imagine that Dalton Academy had a hockey team, and how he missed skating.

* * *

They had just finished a race across the rink and was standing at the far end catching their breath. "I'm gonna go grab something from the car. Wait here, will you?" Sam waited for Blaine's nod before he exited the rink and sat down to take off his skates.

Blaine stayed on the ice. How he loved skating! The flow and the speed... Then his phone rang, it was Kurt. Since Sam wasn't around he might as well it pick up. "Hi, Kurt!"

"Hey, Blaine! What are you up to?"

Blaine hesitated, he didn't really feel like telling Kurt, but then again he couldn't lie to his friend. "I'm at the ice rink."

"Sounds nice! Can I join you, or are you about to leave?"

Why had he picked up Kurt's call? Nothing good could come from this. "No, we're not leaving, but..."

"But what?" Kurt insisted.

"Well, I'm here with Sam and he kind of planned it, so I can't really invite anyone."

"Hey, we're all friends, right? But if you don't want me to come just say so."

"Kurt, I just can't today, we'll go another day. Soon, I promise. Okay?"

"Sure. Have a nice day, Blaine." Kurt's tone was short but casual, however Blaine also detected an almost untraceable hint of hurt that he probably would have missed if he hadn't known about Kurt's feelings for him. Because it hadn't been possible to miss the way Kurt looked at him. He wasn't too self-involved to appreciate the irony of the situation he was in; in just a few months he had gone from actually being a bit bored and lonely to having two best friends, one of which seemed to have a huge crush on him, while the other was... well, he was Sam. And still despite all his best efforts he couldn't stop what he was feeling for Sam. As he hung up he felt like the worst friend. Kurt was really sweet and Blaine felt bad that he couldn't be what he wanted him to be. But was Kurt jealous of Sam? That was absurd! Kurt knew that Sam was totally straight. Of course nothing was going on between them.

* * *

They were sitting on a blanket in the park outside the ice rink, Blaine with the extra blanket Sam had brought for him wrapped around his shoulders, sipping hot chocolate out of plastic cups.

"Now it's time for your present!" Sam declared with a huge smile.

"Wait, what, I thought this was the present?"

"It is, but there's also an actual present." Blaine watched as Sam produced a small box out of his jacket pocket. What? Was that a jewelry box? What kind of sick dream was this?!

Tentatively Blaine took the box out of Sam's outreached hand, gravely looking into his eyes for an answer.

"No wait, don't open it!" Sam exclaimed. "Fuck, I really wanted to get you an awesome gift, but instead I got you this crappy one. It's nothing really, just a trinket. And it's silly..."

"Sam, stop! This is like the best gift ever. This whole day has been great. It really couldn't be more perfect." Blaine studied Sam's face. "Is the gift really what's bothering you, Sammy?"

Sam looked up and smiled at him, "Sammy? I like that." Then the smile faded "But, no I guess not." And he started to explain, in a perhaps less than clear way, but Blaine got that the point was that their family was a bit low on cash for Christmas since his father hadn't received the bonus he had expected.

"I'm sorry, Sam." Blaine rubbed Sam's shoulder.

"It's okay, it's not a big deal. I don't know why I even bothered you with it."

"Come on, Sam, you never bother me. Your problems are important to me, however small. BFFs remember?"

Sam chuckled at that. "Thanks, Blaine, you're the best you know that, right?"

"I know," Blaine winked.

"Christmas isn't even about gifts right? And anyway at least Stacey and Stevie will get theirs, it's more important for the kids," he lowered his eyes as he continued "I guess I'm not a kid anymore."

No, Sam was surely not a kid anymore he was tall and slim but also the most well-built boy his age Blaine had ever seen. The way his body bulged in some places and stayed flat in others was enough to... Whoa! What was he thinking? His best friend was pouring his heart out and all he could do was contemplate his hot body. Despite not looking it Sam was in fact due to his playful and optimistic nature still a huge kid. And that was something Blaine really wished that Sam would never have to grow out of. Blaine made a quick mental note that the gift he had planned to get Sam wasn't an option anymore. He really needed to get Sam something that would make him happy but without feeling awkward that it was too expensive.

"Can I open it now?"

"Well, yeah. But let me tell you about it first, 'cause it's really silly."

"I'm sure it's not silly, Sam, and I'm sure I'll love it either way," Blaine assured him.

"It is silly. But listen. I had some money from my working extra at the pizza place and I decided to help the kids buy some Christmas gifts, since I knew mom and dad can't. So I took them to the mall together with Stacie's bestie Julia. The girls found this, and they wanted to get it as their best friends gift or something. Anyway I started thinking about you and how your friendship means so much to me. 'Cause you're my best friend. The best I've ever had. And I never want that to change. Like ever."

"It won't, Sam. You're my best friend to," Blaine smiled at him. "But can I please open it now?"

"Okay, but remember it's silly..."

Blaine flipped the lid open and gave an amused chuckle as he saw what was in the box.

"It's great Sam, really silly, but great. I love it!" he beamed at his friend, who was actually blushing a bit, but also looked relieved, and added for good measure "But you know I can never wear it, right?"

Sam laughed "Yeah, I know me neither."

And from that day Blaine carried with him, wherever he went, a jagged half of a small silvery heart with the words _Best Friends_ engraved front and back. And as he took it out it never failed to put a smile on his face.

* * *

 **A/N - Thanks for reading! I really appreciate any and all comments/reviews. Is it going to slow? From the next chapter on it will speed up a bit.**


	5. Awakenings

Blaine smiled fondly at the way Sam tore the wrapping paper off his present with so much gleeful anticipation on his face.

"Oh! A book." Blaine could see how Sam was trying really hard to hide his disappointment.

"Yes, but not just any book, right? And there's more," Blaine nodded towards the paper lying beside Sam on the bed. Still inside it was a slim case with a CD marked _For Sam_. "Okay, let me explain: I didn't think it was right that you should have to wait until summer to know how it all turns out so I thought we would read it together. Or rather, I'll read it to you... And when I'm not around you'll have Stephen Fry to read it to you," he pointed to the disc, "we'll put this into your phone and..."

"Wait, when will you not be around?" Sam looked up at him with sad puppy eyes.

"No," Blaine smiled "I'll always be around. I just meant I won't be with you at _all_ times."

"It's an amazing gift, Blaine!" Sam got up and pulled Blaine into a tight hug. Blaine laughed from the wonderful whirl of happiness Sam's genuine excitement and intense hug sent through him. Sam let him go only to grab his shoulders "Can we start right now?" eyes wide with eager anticipation.

"Sure if you want to," Blaine beamed.

* * *

During Christmas break there was plenty of time for Blaine and Sam to hang out. And since Blaine was staying at his parents' house they were much closer to each other. But they still preferred hanging out in Sam's room. Spending all that time together was amazing. Anything they did turned out to be a wondrous adventure, or at least that's what it felt like to Blaine. Maybe because of the way they both preferred to run whenever they were going somewhere because walking just wouldn't get them there quick enough. Or maybe because of the way Sam laughed at Blaine's silly jokes like no one else would, even the ones no one else would laugh at at all or perhaps especially those; Sam laughed with his whole body and of course it made Blaine laugh as well and they would continue long after any of them could remember what had made them start. Or maybe it was the way Sam was so full of whimsical energy and fun ideas, or the way being around Sam doing just whatever ordinary thing made the butterflies in his stomach go crazy. Because that was it. And he knew he shouldn't have these feelings for his best friend. He shouldn't think about his best friend like that. His straight best friend. Who had a girlfriend, mind you. But sometimes Sam would just look at him with those gorgeous green eyes and he would see so much warmth and joy in them that all the reasons why he shouldn't just disappears.

* * *

Blaine was on Sam's bed his neck propped up with a pillow against the wall and Sam's head was resting on his stomach, which of course was tingling to the point it was almost to much to bear.

"I don't think I'm gonna use the audiobook anymore," Sam declared.

"What, why not?" Blaine lowered the book to study Sam's face.

"Fry is amazing and all with all the voices," he continued "but you're way better."

"If I am it's only because you keep reminding me," Blaine laughed.

"Well, the apprentice has become the master. Do Snape again, please!" Sam urged.

Blaine did his best to conjure up Snape with what he felt was a signature sentence. With a deep, clear and calm voice he said "Harry, I am the Half-Blood Prince."

Sam shivered, of course in turn sending shivers all through Blaine "Ooh, he's so deliciously vicious!"

"Sam, you really shouldn't..."

"What?" Sam craned his neck so that he was looking into Blaine's face, resting his hand lightly on Blaine's chest. Blaine felt his heart beating so hard that he knew that Sam must be feeling it too. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to Sam being cuddly like this. But at least he'd learned to not jump to conclusions about it, however teaching his body not to either remained.

"Oh, it was nothing. It's getting late, I should get going." Sam sat up, and turned to face Blaine again.

"You should totally spend the night."

"I don't know..." Blaine answered truthfully, not sure if he could handle that. He stood up.

"Please. I don't wanna stop yet. And we'll have the whole day tomorrow. It'll be so much fun!"

"But my parents... I don't think they would really approve of me having a sleepover with some boy they haven't even actually met."

"They let you stay at Dalton all the time though, right?"

"Well, this is different..." Blaine turned away so that Sam wouldn't see he was blushing.

"Why, 'cause I'm way hotter than your roommate?" Sam smiled.

Blaine laughed, "No." And happy to stall the sleepover discussion he added playfully "Besides Nick is plenty hot."

"What, are you into him? Are you guys like hooking up?" Sam's eyes seemed to have doubled in size. The conversation had suddenly turned from amusing to annoying.

"No, what? Why would you? No, Sam, I'm not _hooking up_ with him!"

"Okay, it's just you never talk to me about boys, so I just wondered..." Sam met Blaine's eyes with an earnest look, "You would tell me if you were seeing anyone wouldn't you?" They broke eye contact before Sam added "I tell you everything."

"I'm not seeing anyone. But sure, if I ever will I'll tell you all about it," Blaine sighed but couldn't help that a small smile was tugging the corners of his mouth.

"That's all I ask," Sam grinned.

"Now, how 'bout I ask my mom to call your parents? Then I'm sure they'll let you stay. Please..."

"Okay sure, if they say yes I'll stay," Blaine smiled.

* * *

Blaine had showered and put on his makeshift pj's, in the form of a soft well used tee shirt of Sam's and, he could hardly bear to think about this, a pair of Sam's boxers. Blaine had seen Sam in this shirt many times before and the way it was all loose on him while in his memory of Sam in it it fit so snugly, made him weak at the knees. When he entered Sam's room Sam turned to him from where he was sprawled out on the bed "Maybe, we should just watch a movie instead?"

"Sure, that sounds good, I'm actually pretty tired," Blaine agreed with a yawn and added confident that Sam would pick the perfect movie to fall asleep to, "You choose."

Sam beamed at that. "I know we're probably not gonna make it out of the Shire, but can we still watch Lord of the Rings?"

Sam got up to find the dvd and set it up, as he turned back to Blaine he exclaimed "Wow, Blaine! Your hair!" Blaine felt his cheeks burning. He hadn't shown himself to anyone, except his mom and dad, without gel in his hair in a long long time. But tonight he had totally forgotten to be self-conscious about it. And now that it was drying his wild curls were coming out. "Can I touch it?" Sam asked eyes wide. "It's so soft! You have to come lie here," Sam scooted up towards the head of the bed, and gently pulled Blaine into position until they were lying the same way as when reading before, only now with Blaine's head resting on Sam's stomach, which was firm and soft and radiating heat. Sam started running his fingers through Blaine's hair. "Is this okay?" he asked.

"Mhm, it's nice," Blaine mumbled. After a while Sam's fingers stopped moving entwined in Blaine's curls and his breath got heavy and slow. Blaine waited until he was certain that Sam was asleep until he got up to turn off the TV and the lights. He gently nudged Sam into lying properly on the bed. Sam complied without waking, turning on his side he wrapped his arm around Blaine's waist and pulled him in tight. After fighting it for just a few moments Blaine completely surrendered to the wonderful feeling of Sam's warm body so close to his and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Sam slept heavily through the night. He had never slept in the same bed as someone who was not a member of his family before. Perhaps at slumber parties as a kid but never since hormones had started running crazy in his body. He woke up during the most pleasant dream, not that he could remember what it was about, but the feeling of it was in his entire body. Still half asleep he snuggled closer to the warm body in front of him. Then he froze. He was suddenly wide awake and acutely aware of two things: his own hard dick and Blaine's soft but firm ass that it was pressing up against. As slowly and quietly as he could, so as to not wake up Blaine, he slid out of bed and left the room.

* * *

The sound of the door opening woke Blaine up. Still blinking against the light he saw Sam walking towards him, his hair all wet and messy, water drops glistening on his naked chest and a white towel tightly wrapped around his narrow hips, like some blond Greek god risen from the sea. "Good morning, sleepy head!"


	6. Ships in the Night

**A/N: A huge thank you to all of you wonderful people reviewing! You make me so happy.**

* * *

Despite the cheerful way Sam had greeted Blaine in the morning his spirits seemed considerably dampened through the day. Somehow he wasn't his usual goofy self. At least that meant there were no uncomfortable cuddling, well cuddling with Sam could never be uncomfortable but the way Sam had held him the night before did all sorts of things to his body and his heart and it was just a bit too intense. "What's going on, Sam? Is something bothering you?" and to take the edge off a bit he added "Is it the hair?"

"Your hair is so awesome it isn't even funny. You should never gel it again." Sam said keeping a serious look on his face.

"Okay," Blaine laughed. "But really Sam, what's up with you today?"

"I just can't believe that it's over." Sam looked him right in the eye, and Blaine saw something in Sam's eyes that didn't make sense. He saw pain.

"I know, Sam," he tried to comfort his friend."It has been the best Christmas break ever. But just because school starts tomorrow doesn't mean we won't still hang out, right?"

"Right." Sam smiled but as it seemed to Blaine not entirely without effort.

* * *

After Christmas break keeping his parts to himself around Blaine wasn't a problem for Sam anymore. Granted it was because they didn't see each other for a few weeks. Sam was busy with school and football practice and glee club. And on weekends he was picking up more shifts at the pizza place. It wasn't that he avoided Blaine, he was just busy with other stuff. And Blaine was busy at Dalton. One thing Sam couldn't control though were his thoughts. The way an image of Blaine would pop into his head. Sometimes just of Blaine laughing, he loved the way Blaine laughed, the way it made his eyes lit up. Sometimes it was hugging Blaine, or stroking his thumb across the soft skin on the back of Blaine's hand. And sometimes it was of that morning, of Blaine's body pressed against his. And he could almost feel it again, the heat and the way it took his breath away.

* * *

Sam never seemed to have the time to see Blaine anymore. As hurtful as that was and as much as he missed spending time with his best friend Blaine also found it quite convenient. Blaine had never actually spent any time with Sam and Quinn together. But the memory of their performance at Sectionals was still vivid in his mind. And, however much it hurt, thinking about it actually helped. Because it was clear that their chemistry was rare, so now that they were not even hanging out all Blaine had to do was ignore the sharp pain in his chest and accept that that was something he would never have. At least not with Sam.

Accepting that opened Blaine's eyes to other boys. He spent a lot of time with Kurt over the weeks following Christmas break. Kurt was the only one of his friends at Dalton who were keen on doing stuff off campus, and Blaine found it really refreshing. And one day, when Kurt had as usual convinced him to go shopping, he met Jeremiah. Tall, beautiful Jeremiah, who had gorgeous hair and who even asked him out for coffee! Blaine didn't hesitate and within a week he had developed a full-blown crush on the older boy.

* * *

Having a girlfriend was great. Sam really liked Quinn and she was so hot. The best part of being with her was of course the making out, and it used to drive him crazy. It still did. Lately it had just become a bit more complicated. The first time it happened was during one particularly hot make out session not long after the break had ended:

As the kisses deepened Sam closed his eyes. He found himself kissing the most beautiful lips he'd ever seen. He was running his fingers through soft dark curls... He was kissing Blaine... He was kissing Blaine!

He had scrambled out leaving a bewildered Quinn behind.

If he concentrated he could make the image of Blaine go away when he was with Quinn. But when he was alone the thought of kissing Blaine kept coming back. And it kept getting him hard. But that part freaked him out. Or all of it did. Or none of it. He didn't know. It was just so new, and so intense.

Blaine would probably not want to kiss him like that anyway. Why would he? They were best friends, right, but all the more reason not to kiss each other. Blaine deserved to be with someone as gorgeous and talented as he was. Not a confused mess like Sam. Thinking about it he realized it was always he, never Blaine, who would initiate any physical contact. Always he who would pull Blaine in for a hug, always he who would start the tickling that he knew would inevitably lead to fake-wrestling. Always he who would grab Blaine's hand for no apparent reason. Except for that first time, the day they met, Blaine had grabbed his hand then. Thinking about that day made Sam smile in spite of himself. But still after that moment it had always been Sam to do the touching. So Blaine probably didn't think about him the same way.

* * *

Usually Blaine turned off his phone when he went to bed, but today he had been reading late and falling asleep mid sentence. When it started ringing he didn't even know where he was but before long he became aware of the phone and saw Sam's name on the display.  
"Hey Sam. What's up?" he answered sleepily.

"Blaine... Oh, Blaine... " was all he could make out before Sam's voice was overcome by sobs.

"Sam!" Oh, my God, what was wrong? Blaine felt panic gripping at him. But he couldn't let himself yield to that. So willing his voice calm he asked "Where are you? Are you hurt?"

"I... I... "

"Okay Sam, it's alright. Everything is going to be alright. I'm here for you Sammy. I'm right here." Blaine kept talking in a calm, soft voice and after a while Sam's sobs weren't as violent as before and finally they all but stopped. "Can you tell me what happened? Are you alright?"

"I'm okay, I'm in my room. It's my dad... He got laid off."

"Oh Sam. I'm sorry."

"I didn't think it was a big deal, or you know maybe I tried not to for the kids' sake. And mom and dad probably didn't want us to know how upset they were. But tonight I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs and saw them both crying. And I couldn't handle it. It just freaked me out... I'm so sorry for waking you up."

"Sam, you don't have to apologize. That's what I'm here for. Always."

"I really wish you were here right now."

"Yeah, me too." and he added trying to sound as reassuring as he could "Everything is going to be okay, Sam."

"Promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

"B?"

"Yes, Sam?"

"Will you sing to me?"

"Yes, I'll sing to you," Blaine said with a gentle smile. "Good night, Sam."

"Good night, Blaine." Blaine sang the sweetest lullaby he could think of to Sam over and over, softer and softer and by the end of the third time he could hear heavy calm breathing that told him that his dear friend had finally gone to sleep. As he hung up his heart ached for Sam and for not being able to be there to hold him when he needed him. He really hoped he was right, that everything was going to be okay.

* * *

Between the football team being ripped apart by homophobic morons, the shitty situation his family was in and his suspicions that something was going on between Quinn and Finn Sam was never far from punching someone. His mind was a jumble. Adding to that all the confusion his thoughts about Blaine caused and it was just too much for him to handle. At least on his own.

When the thoughts in his mind became too tangled and too messy then Blaine had the ability to sort things out for him. Just the other day when he was a hot mess Blaine had known precisely what to say and do, and had made him feel calm and safe and sane again. He didn't have a clear image of what exactly he thought Blaine could do to help now but he knew Blaine would figure it out.

* * *

"Thanks for seeing me."

"Well, of course! I mean you never have to thank me for hanging out with you, Sam." Blaine smiled. "I was so glad you called, we haven't seen each other since like forever."

"Yeah, I know..." Sam said with a faint smile. He actually felt nervous, he never used to be nervous around Blaine. Before he had the chance to continue Blaine spoke again.

"Actually I have something to tell you. I've met someone! I mean we've only been on two dates so I have no juicy details for you yet," he joked. "But hopefully I will soon." Sam felt his heart sink and all his resolve to tell Blaine about the thoughts he'd been having dissolved. He composed himself as best he could.

"Blaine, that's great! So tell me about him."

"Yeah, I will." Blaine beamed. "But first was it something in particular you wanted to talk about, it sounded urgent on the phone?"

"No, not really. I just wanted to thank you for being such a good friend the other night."

* * *

"I broke up with Quinn." Blaine's heart did a somersault. He hadn't realized it before but since it turned out things were going nowhere with Jeremiah his feelings for Sam had resurfaced.

"Oh, okay. Sorry about that. What happened?" Sam was quiet for a few moments.

"I couldn't be with her anymore..."

Blaine held his breath and tried to not let his thoughts wander too far into his foolish hope. Sam proceeded to tell him an elaborate story about how he found out that his girlfriend was cheating on him. Of course Sam wouldn't just call him up to tell him that he suddenly realized that he wanted _him_ and not _her._ But wait, he couldn't have heard that last part right!

"What?! You're with _Santana_ now?" Blaine knew it didn't make sense for him to be mad at Sam, he should be supporting his friend not reproaching him, he just couldn't help himself. He listened as Sam tried to explain something that Blaine could clearly see made absolutely no sense.

"I'm so sorry that Quinn hurt you like that," Blaine said in a more sympathetic tone. "But all the more reason not to jump right into another relationship. That you can't have the one you want is not a reason to be with someone else!" Blaine couldn't stop himself from getting angry again, all the hurt he had felt over the past weeks came flooding back over him.

"What's even going on with you? You never have time to see me and you never even call me. Except to cry, which is totally fine by the way, that's not the point! Or to tell me about your new girlfriend. It's not okay that you've just ditched me!"

"I'm sorry that I've not been around lately. But that's not why I called you."

"No?"

"I called to ask you to come Rachel's tomorrow night. She's having a party."

"Kurt already asked me, thank you very much!" Blaine snapped. "Why do you want me to come to the party anyway?"

"Because you're my best friend and I fucking miss you. And I'm sorry things have been so crappy lately, that I've been so crappy. But I really want you to come."

"I'll be there, but only because I promised Kurt." Then in a softer voice he added "But it'll be nice to see you, Sam."


	7. Two Firsts

**A/N: Sorry that I took so long to get this up. I just haven't had much time for writing lately. Please enjoy!**

* * *

Sam's stomach were in knots. His expectations for the evening wasn't clear in his mind but they caused his whole body to tingle with nervous anticipation, and he suspected it had to do with Blaine.

He had never had a girlfriend on Valentine's day before. But even though not spending it with her had sucked what had really made him feel awkward was watching his best friend sing a love song about his dreamy new boyfriend. He hadn't even spoken to Blaine that night he had just left, right when the song ended. And now over a week had passed and when they finally spoke the day before Blaine was so mad at him. Of course he knew that he deserved it - he hadn't been a good friend to Blaine lately. It was just so hard. He had gone from always being completely relaxed when he was with Blaine to being self-conscious and having no idea how to act around him anymore. He knew that Blaine was probable right about Santana too. He wasn't really that into her. But for whatever reason she wanted to be with him and somehow she made him feel safe, and it wasn't just because she was arguably the biggest bad ass in the school.

* * *

"Hey Blaine..." Sam was tentative at first but as Blaine turned to him with a wide smile he just knew they were alright. Effortlessly they found their way into a hug that lingered.

"Hey Sam!" Without letting go Sam whispered

"I'm sorry that I haven't been a good friend lately." Blaine moved his hands to Sam's upper arms as he took a step back to look into his eyes.

"No, Sam I'm sorry! I shouldn't have gotten mad at you like that. I've just really missed hanging out with you."

"So I guess we're both sorry, huh?" Sam smiled. Blaine smiled back at him.

"Yeah, but let's not be!"

"How are things with Jeremiah, by the way?" Blaine was silent for a second before he answered.

"Well, it didn't really work out..."

"Oh, okay. Sorry. Wanna talk about it?"

"Maybe someday I'll tell you about it. But I don't want to think about stuff that gets me down now," and with a wide smile he added "Tonight I just want to have fun!"

"I think that can be arranged!" Sam beamed, pointing towards Puck who was just coming downstairs with the contents of Rachel's dads' liquor cabinet.

* * *

"Come on Sammy, let's sing!" Blaine grabbed Sam's hand and pulled him towards the stage. Blaine was always awesome. But when he got drunk he was completely adorable. He was so happy and bouncy, and just kept dancing and laughing.

"Yeah, let's do _Livin' on a Prayer_ , it's like the best karaoke song ever!"

"Yes! You're _soo_ clever, Sammy!" Sam wasn't sure if anyone paid attention to their performance, and frankly he didn't care. They went at the song with all they had. They had so much fun with it and in that moment everything was just so perfect. Blaine eyes sparkled with gold as he turned to Sam during the final rounds of the chorus. This was it! This was what he wanted. What he had missed so much. Just hanging out with Blaine having fun like this. "You're my bestest friend in the whole world!"

"And you're mine!" Blaine ruffled his hair, and the widest smile spread on Sam's lips.

* * *

"Let's play spin the bottle!" Rachel was yelling in a slurred voice. "Who wants to play spin the bottle?!"

"Let's play!" Sam gently pushed Santana off his lap, and started towards the crowd that was quickly assembling around Rachel.

The game was full of drunken kisses and drunken laughter. Suddenly it was Blaine holding the bottle. The world seemed to tune out around Sam, the voices and the music faded. As he intently watched the bottle spin all he could hear was the sound of his own heart beating. And when the bottle finally came to a stop he was sure everyone in the room could hear it too, the bottle was pointing right at him. Then he looked up at Blaine, his cheeks a little flushed from laughing and drinking and his hair a bit messier than usual. Sam's eyes flickered from Blaine's gorgeous amber eyes to his lips – his full lips that looked so soft and... Before he even knew he was doing it he lunged forward and quickly pressed his lips against Blaine's. They barely touched before Sam pulled back again. He felt himself stand up. He heard himself speak. "I'm not playing anymore." As he walked back to the couch in the corner dragging Santana with him by the hand, he felt his lips burn where they had met Blaine's.

* * *

Still not being able to move, not really sure what was happening, Blaine found his face was just inches away from Rachel's. And then he kissed her with all the passion of the unkissed kiss that Sam had left on his lips.

* * *

Fuck! It should have been him back there making out with Blaine, not freaking Rachel! Wait, what was he thinking? Just a couple of hours before it had been so clear that being Blaine's friend was the only thing that mattered. But now it seemed like all he wanted to do was feel those gorgeous lips on his again. Trying to get away from the whirlwind of thoughts in his head Sam started to run, and he didn't stop until he was home.

* * *

"So, do you wanna talk about it?" Sam looked up from his books to meet Blaine's steady gaze. "What happened at the party I mean." Blaine added with a faint smile. Sam turned back to his homework for a few seconds. How could he explain to Blaine what had happened when he didn't even understand it himself? Then he blurted out

"No, not really." But knowing he owed Blaine at least something he continued "Well, Santana was so mad at me for kissing Brittany, I just couldn't deal with that again." Sam knew he was lying and he hated himself for it. But he had no idea how to tell Blaine the truth or what would happen if he did. Because the truth was that reason he hadn't kissed him, like at least not properly kissed him, the other night was that he felt like if he started to kiss Blaine he wouldn't be able to stop. And he didn't know the first thing about what that meant. Blaine's face had lost any trace of a playful glow it might have had before, now he just looked, and as Sam realized this he felt a sharp pain in his chest, disappointed.

"Sure I get it." Blaine got up. "Anyway, I'm going. I'm meeting Kurt for coffee." Sam didn't want Blaine to think that he didn't want to kiss him though. He didn't want Blaine to feel insulted. How could anyone ever not want to kiss him? But it would just be too weird if they kissed, right? Because Sam wasn't gay, right? And why would Blaine even want to kiss him? Blaine was so amazing and so beautiful and he could really get anyone he wanted.

"You know, any guy would be lucky to have you, B."

"Any guy?" Blaine looked at Sam with a question in his eyes that Sam didn't understand nor know the answer to.

"Any gay guy I mean."

"Yeah... That's what I thought you meant."

* * *

Blaine had just accepted to go on a date with Rachel. Now he was trying to figure out why, while also trying to explain it to Kurt. Kissing Rachel at the party had felt good. And he really wanted to believe that he could fall for a girl, even after always thinking he would only ever be into boys. Needed to believe it even. He needed to believe that it was possible. "Don't you think it could happen?" Kurt was still just frowning. "I mean if you meet the right person?" Kurt snorted.

"So you think that Rachel is the one then?"

"I didn't say that..." No, Rachel wasn't the one, he knew that much at least.

* * *

 **A/N: I can't promise to keep the posting-speed up right now. But I promise to keep writing!**


	8. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

It started to become clear to Blaine that his foolish pining after Sam was only hurting him. And what was worse it was threatening their friendship. Controlling his temper around Sam was becoming harder and harder. He had nearly made a big scene about the spin the bottle incident, how weird was that? You can't be angry with your friends for not wanting to kiss you. But he had kissed him though. The feeling of Sam's lips on his haunted Blaine. And it was growing near impossible for him to act normal around Sam. He had to take control of this.

Blaine was tired of failing at love. But as he forced himself to disregard his feelings for Sam, he felt something else awakening inside him. He started noticing something that he had probably known all along; that Kurt was actually really pretty, beautiful even with his huge blue eyes. They always had a good time together. But this wouldn't just be going on a date to see where things lead, it would be a commitment. And failure wasn't an option this time, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt his friend. So he had to be sure.

* * *

It was something that temp Holly had said. And it was strange because of course Sam already knew that people could be into both girls and guys, but he had never thought that was what this was. What he felt for Blaine. At first he had just found it so great to be around Blaine. But then he had started having these thoughts about kissing him. And he had felt so bad about Blaine being with Jeremiah, and even Rachel. And Kurt as well he remembered now, at Artie's party it had felt so awkward seeing Blaine with Kurt. So he wanted to spend all his time with Blaine, he felt like being close to him, touching him all the time and he really didn't like the idea that Blaine might be interested in someone else. Thinking the thought through to its inevitable conclusion: He was in love with Blaine. Oh my god, he was in love with Blaine!

* * *

It wasn't until that day when Pavarotti had died and Kurt sang in front of all the warblers that Blaine knew _._ Kurt was so vulnerable and he was singing so beautifully. And it just felt so right. He was right there in front of him, like he had been for months. And he was willing to love Blaine and Blaine wanted so much to love him back.

* * *

During the following week Sam spent almost all his waking time thinking about Blaine. His stomach was tingling, sometimes to the point that he almost felt sick. He couldn't concentrate on whatever he was supposed to be doing. But he was also trying really hard to figure out what to do about his feelings, other than what he was already doing when he was alone in his room or sometimes in the shower even though it made him feel really guilty like he was going behind his friend's back, well other than _that_ he had no idea what to do.

Because what could he do? If it would have been a girl he'd known what to do. He'd go after her; flirt with her and ask her out. It was easy because what did he have to lose? But this was so different. Sam had been in love before. But not like this. This was so much more. Now he felt like he had everything to lose. Blaine was his best friend. They had so much fun together. Not just fun, Blaine made everything seem brighter, simpler, like he could do anything... He was the best friend Sam could ever have imagined having.

He knew that Blaine liked hanging out with him. He had never really thought about why though and now that he did he couldn't find an answer.

He ached to see Blaine, but he couldn't imagine how to be with him now that he knew. But determined to not make the mistake of avoiding Blaine until he got mad again he finally worked up the courage to call his friend. As the signals went through Sam was nervously pacing the floor of his bedroom, absentmindedly picking up a comic book from his desk and studied it's cover.

"Hey Sam! What's up?" Sam's heart pounded at the sound of Blaine's voice. He dropped the book on the bed and rubbed the back of his neck with his free hand.

"Hey B. Nothing much. You?"

"I actually have some really big news, Sam."

* * *

Sam was on the floor. He wasn't aware of how long he had been lying there. He wasn't aware of how he'd gotten there. He was only aware of the paralyzing pain that was tearing him up inside. He was desperately grasping for something to hold on to as he fell apart. He had never felt anything like this before, he had no way of pulling himself out of it. The one person he needed was the one he couldn't turn to.

But there was one more person who could help him. He didn't hear her knocking or entering the room, but when his mom wrapped her arms around him and held him tight he was finally able to calm down. Eventually he stopped crying. "Do you want to talk about it, honey?" Sam shook his head. "Let's get you into bed, sweetheart." She sat at his side gently stroking his shoulder until he fell asleep.

* * *

The days until regionals passed in a haze. Sam really couldn't care less about the competition or rehearsals, but at least it was something to keep his mind off the other stuff. The assignment Mr Shue gave them to write their own songs turned out to be a good distraction if you could call it that. Sam spent countless hours in his room with his guitar working on it. But of course he was too dumb to come up with something good, everything he managed was just silly, sad love songs. What was the big deal anyway? He had already known that Blaine wouldn't go for a guy like him. But _fuck_ it hurt!

* * *

Blaine noticed that the Evans' car wasn't on the driveway. This was so stupid, he really should have called first. He felt a little nervous as he rang the doorbell. He was never nervous around Sam, but now it felt strangely like so much had changed. Nothing happened for a few minutes and he pressed the button again, twice for good measure. As he turned to leave the door opened. "Blaine! Hey!" Sam looked a bit surprised but he was smiling, and he had apparently run to the door, because he was slightly out of breath.

"Hi, Sam!"

"Um, what are you doing here?" Blaine chuckled at that.

"It's nice to see you too, Sammy."

"Oh, right come in!" Sam stepped back to let him in and shut the door behind him. "Hey," Sam hugged him, that way only Sam could, pulling him so tight making him feel so, so...

"Um, I was in the neighborhood, and I thought I'd drop by." _In the neighborhood_ wasn't really truthful he guessed, but he just couldn't bring himself to say _at Kurt's._ "What are you up to? Am I interrupting something?" With an unspoken agreement they had started walking up the stairs to Sam's room. When they entered the room Blaine immediately noticed Sam's guitar on the bed. "Were you playing? Would you play something for me?" What was with him, could he shut up for five seconds? And by the way what was up with Sam? He was uncharacteristically quiet.

"So how's Kurt?" Blaine wasn't expecting that. He broke eye contact.

"Oh, Kurt's great." It felt so weird talking about Kurt with Sam, what was he supposed to say? "I mean, you know, he's great. How's Santana?"

"Well, you know I don't really know. She doesn't seem to be that interested anymore. I don't blame her though..." Sam shrugged.

"What are you talking about, why not?"

"No, I just mean that I'm not sure I care that much anyway."

"Oh, so is there someone else now?" Okay, he was definitely not nailing the not-acting-weird-around-Sam thing yet.

"No! I'm just saying it's not like we're soul mates or anything."

"Right. Sorry." Blaine ventured a smile, and to his relief Sam didn't seem annoyed anymore, but smiled back at him. "Hey, what about my song?"

"Alright then" Sam looked down at his hands and the faintest, most adorable blush appeared on his cheeks "this is actually something I wrote, or came up with or whatever..."

Sam playing his guitar, his beautiful voice and those blond bangs falling down in his eyes. He shouldn't be noticing these things anymore. But that song – wow! So intense and sad and... Blaine didn't really understand. "Is it about Quinn?"

"I don't know. Um, I guess sorta, or you know it's just something I wrote for glee."

"It was beautiful, Sam. You're so good!"

"No, not really... But speaking of good, you were so awesome at regionals! I can't believe you didn't win."

"Thanks Sam, but you guys were amazing too."

"Just, one question though. _Candles_? It's a bit sad for a romantic duet with your new boyfriend isn't it?" Blaine knew it was only playful teasing, but the truth was that he hadn't been thinking of Kurt when he picked that song. Not that he could tell Sam that.

"I didn't come here to talk about how I botched the song selection and cost us regionals." Blaine flashed Sam a small smile to make sure he knew he wasn't really upset. But with a completely serious face Sam then asked

"So why did you come here?" looking him right in the eye. It took Blaine a few moments to pull himself together, then he answered lightly

"To play video games obviously." But the smile that appeared on Sam's face was not amused - it was sad.

"I had to pawn it." Sam stood up and walked over to his bookcase. "Probably these will be next," he ran a finger along his collection of comic books. "And the guitar." Blaine didn't know what to say he just walked over to him and they stood there side by side just staring at the books, Blaine stroking Sam's back. "Perhaps we won't even be able to keep the house." Blaine turned to Sam and grabbed his hands.

"Oh, my god, Sam. That's... I'm so sorry. Why haven't you told me about it?" Sam pulled back his hands and slid them in his pockets before he answered.

"Well nothing is definite yet, so I figured it wasn't worth having a melt-down over just yet." He actually smiled. Blaine was glad to see that he was able to joke about it, but he was still heartbroken for Sam. Today had felt like a new beginning, and now he realized why. He was finally ready to be what Sam needed: his best friend.

* * *

 **A/N: I'm so sorry that this isn't a happy chapter. But remember this isn't the end!**


	9. Together

**A/N: It makes me so happy that, should it ever come to that, now our boys won't have to leave the state to get married.**

 **Without further ado, here is finally the next chapter.**

* * *

Avoiding Blaine proved not to be working anymore. Blaine would call Sam out on any excuse he'd make and find a way for them to hang out anyway. And hanging out with Blaine was really all Sam wanted. It turned out to be a lot easier than he had expected. Blaine didn't talk much about his boyfriend with Sam and sometimes it was like Sam forgot about Kurt, forgot to feel sad or jealous and then being with Blaine was still as great as ever. What was hard was not being around Blaine, because then he seemed unable to not picture Blaine and Kurt together, and that made his insides twist. Goddamned Kurt! Witty, smart, insanely talented Kurt. It made perfect sense that Blaine wanted to be with him. Kurt was so sure of himself and did everything for his own reasons. Of course Blaine loved Kurt.

* * *

Perhaps one could say that being boyfriends was not all that different from what Blaine and Kurt were before. New things were mostly that now they were holding hands a lot and hanging out was called 'going on a date'. But being with someone that loved you back made all the difference, it was the most wonderful feeling. If Blaine felt like holding Kurt's hand, he could just do it. If he felt like telling him that he was pretty he did, and Kurt liked it, loved it even. And then there was of course the making out. Blaine had only ever made out with one other person before (because that kiss with Joey, despite the fact that it had almost fried his then fourteen year old brain, didn't really count as making out) and however nice it had been Rachel hadn't made him feel remotely the way he felt with Kurt. Now he was learning that making out, even though they were always fully clothed and had agreed on no touching below the belt, could be way more than nice. But still, when Kurt wasn't around, Blaine found that it was at times impossible for him to control where his mind went. It might start off with him thinking about his boyfriend, but somehow when he closed his eyes it was Sam he saw. A shirtless Sam sprawled on his bed, blond hair all messy, soft red lips slightly parted and... Sometimes he stopped himself but sometimes it was just too good to do that. Of course he felt guilty about that, a lot. Towards Kurt, but maybe even more towards Sam.

* * *

Sam was struggling to finish his English homework when his phone rang. "Hey B!"

"Are you at home?"

"Mhm."

"Come to the window!" Down on the driveway stood a beaming Blaine giving him a little wave. "Feel like going for a run?"

Sam couldn't imagine a more welcome distraction, "Oh God yes!"

They were jogging at a pace that allowed them to talk, mostly about really unimportant stuff that still somehow mattered to both of them. But also about everything that was going on with Sam's family. Talking about it with Blaine made it so much easier to bear.

Sam reached out to tickle Blaine at the same time speeding up. "Come on lazy-pants!" As Blaine caught up to him he gripped Sam around the waist and expertly brought him to the ground. At least Sam managed to pull the shorter boy down along with him. They continued wrestling on the grass all giggles and laughter. Sam couldn't have said how long they'd been like that but he was completely out of breath when he found himself on top of Blaine, for a moment unable to do nothing but stare at him. God he was beautiful! It took everything Sam had not to lean down and kiss him. Instead he threw himself on his back and as they lay there side by side they both started giggling again.

"It's freezing, let's go!" Blaine sat up and added "I'll race you the final bit." Sam raised himself on his elbows.

"Sure. But if I win you have to help me with my English homework."

"Okay." Blaine turned his head and looked Sam right in the eye. "What do I get if I win?" Looking into those amazing amber eyes made Sam dizzy.

"You'll have to beat me to find out," he answered with with a wink as he got up and sprinted off. What was he doing? Was he actually flirting with Blaine? He really had to start thinking things through before speaking. Blaine was quick to his feet and a fast runner, but Sam wouldn't give in and ended up crashing into his front door half a second before Blaine.

* * *

"I can't believe this is the last time we get to do this." Blaine studied Sam's face seriously.

"Yeah, I know," Sam didn't try to hide how sad he was. "But can we pretend it's just any other day, like just do whatever stuff we'd do if..."

"Sure, Sam." Then Blaine remembered what had used to be their favorite thing when hanging out in Sam's room. "Do you want to continue with the book? Or maybe you finished it?"

"Yes, the book!" Sam smiled, "I can't believe I had almost forgotten about it. Of course I didn't finish it without you." There was a pause during which Sam's smile faded and he turned his gaze down at his hands. "Um, B?" Sam looked back up at him.

"Yeah?" Sam calling him 'B' always made Blaine smile.

"Can we also like, um you know, um... Will you sit here with me on the bed like we used to? Because you're with Kurt now and..."

"Yeah, but that doesn't change anything about us. We're still best friends, right? And Kurt knows he's got no reason to be jealous of you."

"Oh, yeah, right." Sam sounded a bit hesitant, but soon enough they were curled up together on Sam's bed. "Will you stay the night?" There was a part of Blaine that wanted to say yes, wanted to just stay like this in Sam's arms forever. But he knew he couldn't do that.

"I can't. I have a date with Kurt tonight." Blaine craned his neck so that he could see Sam's face, he was clearly disappointed. "Doesn't your parents want you to spend the last evening in the house together as a family?" Sam shrugged.

"I guess." Blaine sat up to properly face Sam but kept what he hoped was a reassuring hand on his arm.

"You know, there'll be other sleepovers."

"No, I don't know that." Sam pouted, which was so cute it made Blaine smile in spite of himself.

"Well, I do. I figured that you guys would be pretty cramped living in a motel room, so I was thinking that you and the kids could spend the weekends at my house. You know when I'm there to look after you. If you want to, that is?"

"Oh, that would be so great! But will your parents ever agree to that?"

"They already did! And so did yours, to some weekends at least. And you know my parents aren't really around that much, so I think they're just glad that I'll have some company." Blaine was so happy to see the smile spreading on his friend's face.

"I'm glad to be with you, Blaine Anderson. Here at the end of all things."

"Are you saying that I'm your Sam?" Blaine smiled back at him.

"Yes, you are."

"And you're mine."

* * *

"Wow, Blaine! This is amazing!" Sam was standing in Blaine's room staring at what was splayed on the bed. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. It couldn't be, but it was his comic books. It really was! "But... how?" Blaine smiled his widest most beautiful smile at him.

"I just didn't want you to have to give them up, so I talked Mary into selling them to me. I hope that isn't weird? You can think of it as an early birthday present if you want."

"No! Well, it's a little weird that you call my mom by her first name, are you two like buddies now? But no not at all, it's amazing!" Blaine was blushing. "You're amazing!" Sam gave him the biggest hug, even lifting him off the floor, chanting happily "Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Blaine hugged him back and laughed,

"You're welcome Sammy!"

Weekends at Blaine's turned out to be the best thing ever. Sam could forget about his family's troubles and be a normal teenager. While he had to work almost every weekend, he still got to spend the nights at Blaine's house.

When Stevie and Stacey were there they slept in Cooper's old room that had been turned into a guest room when he moved away from home. It struck Sam that he knew so little about Blaine's family, he hadn't even known that Blaine had a big brother before he had shown him and the kids that room. There was another spare room downstairs but, well it was downstairs. So Sam slept on the couch in Blaine's room. Most of the time it was just amazing to hang out, to have Blaine to talk to when they went to bed and to get to see Blaine first thing as he woke up. But sometimes when the lights were off he found himself very aware of how Blaine was just feet away from him, hearing Blaine breathe in the darkness it was like he could feel the heat of him across the space between them.

* * *

Blaine hated being sick. Well technically it was just a cold, but he did have a fever and Sam was adamant that he was not to leave his bed. And he was being really sweet, bringing him coffee and breakfast and everything else he might need.

"By the way, Kurt's on his way over."

"But we were supposed to hang out today?" Blaine was surprised to see the abandoned puppy look on Sam's face. Blaine really hadn't thought that watching him lie around in bed was what Sam would want to do on his day off, and thus when his caring, sweet boyfriend had insisted on coming to look after him he had not objected.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I just thought that since I'm not exactly super fun to be around that you would want to do something else today. To put up with this," he gestured to himself, "is more of a boyfriend duty I guess."

"Yeah, I get it."

"I'm sorry Sam."

"No, you don't have to be sorry," and finally Sam flashed Blaine a smile, "of course you want your boyfriend here to take care of you."

Kurt was sitting at Blaine's bedside reading him a magazine. "I'm going for a run," Sam declared. "Should I pick something up for you while I'm out?"

"No, thanks Sam," Blaine, who had been dozing off, smiled faintly. "See you in a bit."

"See you! Bye Kurt." Kurt looked up from what he was reading,

"Bye."

Sam returned to Blaine's room sweaty with his tee shirt slung around his neck, picked up some clean clothes and left again to take a shower. As usual when Sam wasn't properly dressed Blaine forced himself not to look.

"Does he always walk around half-naked like that?" Kurt asked wide-eyed.

"Most of the time he's got clothes on." Talking about it made Blaine even more uncomfortable.

"Come on, you know what I'm saying. And he has his own drawer in your room?"

"Yea, we wash his clothes here so that he doesn't have to do it at the laundromat."

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense."

"Wait, are you jealous, sweetie?" Blaine smiled fondly at his boyfriend.

"Well, come on. Look at him!"

"No I - I don't. But you think he's hot then? Should _I_ be jealous?"

"Come on Blaine, you know I'm crazy about you."

* * *

"Do you have plans for your birthday?"

"Well, I think that Puck and Finn have plans to get me drunk," Sam grinned. "Why?"

"I got us tickets to the premiere of Thor but we'll just go another day if you wanna hang out with them."

"No! I'd much rather do that!"

They were both excited as they left the theater. "So how awesome was that!" Sam beamed.

"Yeah, I know! And, wow! I didn't really think I had a type, but I know what it is now: Chris-freaking-Hemsworth!"

"Who?"

"Thor!" Blaine laughed, and added "but don't tell Kurt I said so."

"Don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Sam put his arm around him and squeezed his shoulder. When Sam didn't remove his arm Blaine instead curled his around Sam's waist.

"I really can't wait for Captain America!"

"Me too! But before that there's X-Men and for your birthday we'll have Harry Potter. I can't believe what an awesome summer it's gonna be!"


	10. All Good Things

Sam was lying on Blaine's bed halfheartedly watching TV, too tired go get up and put on another movie – his bag of Doritos long since empty. Since Kurt had transferred back to McKinley Blaine had started hanging out a lot more with his boyfriend on weekends. Still, Sam liked to wait up for him because Blaine would always take the time to talk for a while before they went to bed, and he really enjoyed those late night moments.

* * *

Blaine smiled affectionately when he found Sam curled up on his bed, sleeping peacefully. Reaching for the remote he couldn't help but stop and let his fingers, ever so slightly, grace the soft hair of the sleeping beauty. Then he flicked the TV off and went to get ready for bed. It was really late, and he was so tired, and he knew he wouldn't sleep well on the couch. Carefully Blaine pulled the covers out from under Sam. As he crawled into bed Sam turned to him and reached out his hand so that it just barely rested on Blaine's stomach. Seemingly still mostly asleep he mumbled "You're home."

* * *

Blaine still couldn't believe it. Thinking about it he felt like the ground was dissolving under him. It wasn't really happening. It couldn't be happening. Sam on the other hand acted as calm as ever and was surprisingly patient considering how many times they'd had this conversation already.

"I hate that I'm leaving too, B."

"Stay then! My folks are totally fine with it," Blaine could hear how desperate he sounded, but he couldn't help it – he _was_ desperate.

"Blaine, we've been through this. I can't. I can't leave my family; they need me. I wish I could, but I can't." He knew Sam was right, or he kind of did. But the only thing he could feel was that what mattered to him the most was their friendship. And that it wasn't the same for Sam. "But we'll stay in touch."

"What does that even mean, Sam?"

"It means that I'll call you – every day. And we'll always be best friends. And when we graduate we'll go to college together, right?" all the reassurance in Sam's voice was lost on Blaine.

"Graduation is two years away. We haven't even known each other one!"

"Fuck Blaine!" Sam stood up with a frustrated gesture. "Don't you think it's hard for me too? I'm the one who's leaving all my friends, my school, my girlfriend. Everything!" Blaine realized he had been out of line, but he was also frankly a bit relieved to hear Sam express some emotion.

"I know Sam. I'm sorry. I shouldn't beat you up over this. It's just so hard."

"I get it, but you really need to calm down." Sam reached out to him and pulled him into a hug, "It's gonna be alright. I promise."

* * *

Over the past week Sam had begun saying goodbye to his friends one by one. But this was by far the hardest part yet. How had he even gotten himself into this situation? It had started at prom he guessed.

Well, he surely hadn't planned on going to prom; he couldn't afford it and besides there hadn't really been anyone for him to take. He'd known Blaine didn't want to go – not that he would have went with Sam anyway – and why. Sam had never wanted to hurt someone as bad as he had when he learned what those guys did to Blaine after that dance. Just thinking about it now made his fists clench. However, when he'd imagined going to prom it was with Blaine. Because then he would be there to protect him. Well yes, Sam knew that Blaine was fully capable of defending himself now – he sure as hell wouldn't want to go up against him in a fist fight – but still. He would be there. He would have given anything to have been there that night when Blaine had been hurt. This time it had been Kurt being targeted and Blaine supporting him through it. And despite trying his best to be happy for Blaine, because it was obvious that Blaine loved Kurt, it had still been agonizing to watch him being the most perfect boyfriend to someone else. But even so he had ended up having such a good time with Mercedes. He had never thought about it before, but that night she was so beautiful that it was impossible for him not to notice, and he would never forget it. She was so much fun and so different from Quinn and Santana, in the best possible way – she was herself through and through, there were no games with Mercedes.

But now it was over. Because like Mercedes had said breaking up made sense, and it actually made leaving her seem a bit easier. There was still one person to cross off his list though. And Sam had no idea how to even begin to say goodbye to him. Blaine didn't try to hide the fact that he found it difficult, and while making it harder, it was also kind of nice.

* * *

"Tell us a secret that no one else knows!" Puck demanded.

"Okay, um, Blaine already knows about this, but it's a pretty big secret." Three pairs of eyes brimming with anticipation were fixed on Sam.

"Aight, let's have it!"

"You know the party tomorrow? It isn't happening – or you know, I'm not gonna be there. This is actually my goodbye party. I wanted it to be just us, getting hammered."

"Wow, Sam. That's kinda rough." Finn looked at him questioningly.

"I know. It's just they insisted and I can't deal with weepy shit like that. Would you guys maybe help me explain to everyone? Y'know tell them I said bye or whatever."

"Sure, bro. We get it."

"Cool. Thanks."

"That's it! We've had enough truths," Puck declared. "From now on only dares, okay!"

The game continued with a lot of stupid dares that all somehow involved chugging a beer or having a shot. Sam and Blaine laughed their asses off at Puck and Finn having a shot contest. Puck was still holding the tequila bottle ready to pour the next one as he fell into a deep slumber. Under much giggling they helped their unconscious friends into what might pass as sleeping positions on the couches. When they were done and had stopped their fond snickering at how stupid the pair was a silence settled between them. Blaine looked intently at Sam for a few moments, then he asked "Are we still playing?"

Without the words passing the conscious part of his mind Sam smiled "Yes! And it's my go." But Blaine wasn't smiling, he just kept looking straight into Sam's eyes. Sam's smile vanished.

"I'mma go with dare then, I guess," Blaine's voice was soft and low.

Sam's head was spinning, from the alcohol sure, but even more from the way Blaine was looking at him. His heart was beating so hard in his chest. For what might have been several seconds they just stood like that. "I dare you... to kiss me."

The very next moment Blaine's lips were on his. Blaine's tongue was pushing past his lips to meet his own. Blaine's hands were in his hair tugging him towards him. Sam's own hands found their way around Blaine's waist to pull him even closer, pressing their bodies together. Their kisses were wet and impatient. Blaine was letting out tiny moans and all Sam could feel was him and how he couldn't get close enough to him. For a few moments they stopped for air, foreheads pressed together they were just breathing into each other's mouths until Blaine whispered "Let's go upstairs," against his lips.

With hot hands and hot lips touching and kissing wherever they could reach they stumbled to the stairs, somehow managing to climb them without pulling apart or falling down. Once in Blaine's bedroom Sam pushed Blaine along with him over to the bed and gently shoved him down on it. Still standing Sam gazed down at his amazingly beautiful friend – dark curls all mussed, cheeks flushed and lips red and swollen from kissing. Overwhelmed by his desire for this boy Sam grinned widely as he pulled his tee shirt off and then lowered himself on top of Blaine who immediately pulled him close. Blaine's hips bucked under him and through the thick fabric of his jeans Sam could feel how hard he was. And he was already completely hard himself. Even with the alcohol numbing him all parts of his body felt hypersensitive. Blaine filled all his senses, all there was was his touch, the way he felt under him, the sounds he made, the smell of him. Before long they were both in their boxers. Sam slid his hands along Blaine's back and inside his underwear squeezing his impossibly smooth and firm ass. Blaine moaned into his neck and his hand found the waistband of Sam's boxers and slipped past it. Sam let out a gasp at the feeling of Blaine's warm and steady hand on his cock. "Oh, God Blaine!" He wasn't going to last long. When Blaine let go of him he felt like he was being ripped apart, but after pulling Sam's underwear all the way off Blaine's hand was back stroking him. For a moment Blaine stopped moving and met Sam's gaze through long dark lashes with just a hint of a question in his beautiful hazel eyes. Could he see the lust and the want and the love in Sam's eyes? Either way he didn't hesitate anymore after that. He slid down and started kissing Sam's throbbing cock. Sam heard himself whimper at the feeling of Blaine's mouth on him and as Blaine took him into his hot wet mouth Sam all but screamed, "Oh, fuck Blaine! Fuck!" Unable to hold it back Sam came hard involuntarily pushing further into Blaine's amazing mouth that was swallowing around him, eagerly taking every last drop of his hot cum.

For a while Sam was just lying flat on his back, panting. As he regained some of his senses he turned toward Blaine and pulled him closer. Kissing Blaine and tasting himself on his mouth was almost enough to get him hard again. He kissed Blaine's face, his ear – making him moan which in turn made Sam moan, he kissed all over his neck and chest while Blaine pulled his own underwear off. Both now completely naked they were grinding into each other. Somehow creating the distance needed to get his hand between them Sam was amazed to find how smooth and hard Blaine's cock felt in his hand. Blaine was moaning "Sam, oh, Sam...Sammy!" thrusting into his fist and squeezing him tightly, probably leaving bruises on his shoulders. Watching the thick white fluid pumping out of Blaine's beautiful cock as he was screaming his name was by far the most awesome thing Sam had ever experienced.

* * *

The throbbing pain in his head woke Blaine up way too early. But as he became aware of the warm body behind him he slowly regained his memory of the night before. Sam's arm was slung across his waist, Sam's body curled up around his own and Sam himself still fast asleep. A wide smile spread on Blaine's face. It wasn't a dream, it had really happened! A million tiny butterflies fluttered in his belly. He had thought that he had them under control, but no. Could it be possible that Sam liked him back? It had certainly seemed that way... And not just _that_ , he felt himself blush at the thought of it, but he had seen something in Sam's eyes. Something more than lust. Blaine was almost sure of it. Slowly Sam started to stir behind him. The grip around his waist tightened, pulling him closer. The feeling of Sam's hot breath on his neck made his stomach jolt and his head spin. Sam was nuzzling his neck, planting tiny soft kisses there. Blaine, savoring every moment of it, slightly pushed back into Sam's body. He could feel Sam growing hard against his ass, and almost unnoticeably grinding back into him. Suddenly Sam tensed up and scrambled away from him, pulling a corner of the covers across his lap. Then he was sitting on the edge of the bed, elbows propped against his thighs, the heels of his hands pressing at his brow.

"Sam, what's wrong?"

"Everything's wrong!" Sam snapped. He reached down and pulled his shirt off the floor, then started putting it on, "I've gotta go."

"Sam, don't." Not knowing what to say or how to speak Blaine put his hand on Sam's shoulder.

Ducking away from the touch Sam stood up and quickly put on his pants before gathering his socks and shoes along with his underwear. "I can't. I'm sorry," and with that he walked out of the room and then he was gone. And Blaine couldn't breathe. Sam didn't want him. He had never wanted him. Blaine had pushed himself on his straight best friend and now he hated him for it. As tears started streaming down his face he threw himself back on the bed and burying his face in the pillow he just screamed.

How could he let it happen? He ruined their friendship. He lost Sam. Forever. How could he have believed that it was real? It was always going to be just a dream. And then, with a pang of guilt it hit him: Kurt! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! He cheated on Kurt. Sweet, innocent, lovely Kurt. In just one night he had managed to destroy the only two relationships that meant anything to him.

* * *

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuuuuck!" Sam banged at the steering wheel. He had stopped just around the block when the tears welling up in his eyes made it impossible for him to keep driving. What had he done? How could it have seemed like a good idea? Well, because he was drunk and stupid. And he hadn't really thought about it, the urge had just been too strong to resist. Oh, but it _was_ good. Now that he knew just how good it felt to be with Blaine like that. To kiss him, to watch him come. To make him come! How could he go back to not doing that? But he had to – he knew that. Blaine was with Kurt and they were perfect together, everyone kept saying so. How could he ever compete with that? He had made Blaine cheat on his perfect boyfriend. How could he do that to his best friend? No, if he wasn't sure before he was now; moving away with his family was the right choice. His only choice. He had to stay away from Blaine to not hurt him any more.


	11. Apart

Sam's heart sped up at the beeping of his phone, "Sam? Please." Right now countless miles away Blaine was staring at his phone waiting for him to just press call. And he wanted nothing more than to do that. But he didn't. He couldn't. How had he believed that they could stay friends? Well, that was before. Everything was different now. If Sam had thought he'd been hurting before – that he'd been confused back when he first figured out he had feelings for Blaine, and then with Blaine getting together with Kurt – it was nothing compared to the pile of burning crap that was now Sam Evans. Staring at his phone, he realized something else that made his stomach churn; today was Blaine's birthday! He started typing. _Happy b-day B!_ Then he just stared a the screen for a long while. This was not how it was supposed to be! He deleted the message and threw the phone across the room. After the past week he really didn't think there would be any tears left in him. But there was. Even when exhaustion overcame him and he fell asleep.

* * *

Blaine tried calling him again. He'd lost count now. His final shard of hope had been that today was going to be different. Of course it wasn't. He stared at the tickets in his hand. Buying them had been such a foolish thing to do. He'd known for weeks that Sam would have left by now, and still he'd had some crazy idea that somehow Sam would be there for his birthday. He didn't even know why that was so important. Well, Sam had been talking a lot about it, and it was a big deal to them. _Had been_ a big deal. A part of all that had been so great with them, with their friendship. The friendship that now had turned to ashes. Because even today Sam didn't answer his text. He ripped the tickets and let the pieces fall to the floor.

* * *

For a long while Sam couldn't bear talking to his mom and dad. Although he would have never admitted it, not even to himself, a part of him blamed them for everything. Sure, he'd screwed things up with Blaine all on his own. But still if they hadn't been leaving he probably never would have let it happen.

* * *

Blaine had stopped trying to reach Sam; he wasn't even sure what he would say to him anymore. He had stopped avoiding Kurt and his friends, and slowly but surely he worked his way up to the surface again. If he ever had use for his acting skills it was now. On a good day he could even convince himself that he was that happy teenager, albeit with spirits understandably dampened by the moving away of a best friend, spending a first carefree summer with his amazing boyfriend.

* * *

Working at the Dairy Queen turned out to be a disaster when it came to helping his family with their financial struggles. However it was great when it came to creating a distraction from his empty life – there was still over a month until school would start – he met some great people there. A lot of the girls were flirting with him and he even went out with a couple of them, but it never went any further than a first date. Though Sam wanted to believe that was because they just couldn't compete with Mercedes – he did still love her after all – he knew that the truth was that they were nothing compared to Blaine.

* * *

Blaine hated the thought of leaving Dalton. He knew it was a terrible decision. McKinley was, to be frank, not a very good school. And the thought of leaving his friends and his lead position in the Warblers was almost unbearable. But how could he say no to Kurt? How could he deny Kurt that after what he had done? After he had kept lying to him every single day. But lately things were changing – finally. The pain was duller now, and the lie had started to become a truth. He only wanted to be with Kurt. Kurt was right for him. Good for him.

But there was something else that drew Blaine to McKinley. He knew it, but he didn't want to spell it out to himself; he just couldn't stand the feeling of being so completely severed.

* * *

The girls' lunchtime buzzing seemed to amuse them even more than usual."What are you guys gossiping about today?" Sam grinned widely.

They collectively burst out in a hysteric giggling. Sam was not prepared for what he heard next, and definitely not for his reaction to it. He couldn't have said who spoke, but the words stayed in his mind, "You know Josh is hot for you, right?" Sam felt his cheeks heat, and his head involuntarily turned to glance at the brown-haired boy busy flipping burgers in the kitchen. "Ooh, you two would be so hot together!"

After that Sam started to notice things about Josh. Things like his smile, how his eyes seemed to light up when they met, how he always laughed at Sam's impressions and the way that made the pain inside him go away for a minute. Was he into Josh? Well, why was he surprised? The way he'd felt with Blaine that night, the way he still felt whenever he thought about it. No, what was more surprising was how easily taking the next step came, without even contemplating it.

"Hey Josh, gotta second?"

"Sam!" That smile again, "What's up?"

"Are you doing anything later, or do you maybe, um, wanna hang out?"

"Sure Sam. My shift ends at nine," Josh's brown eyes were locked with his own.

"Cool. I, I'll pick you up?" Sam smiled.

* * *

It turned out the girls had been right: they were pretty hot together. But still it didn't really help to get his mind off Blaine. Because everything about Josh reminded Sam of Blaine in a strange way. His hands were warm and strong just like Blaine's but still, they were nothing like Blaine's. Running his hands along the curve of his gorgeous ass, that was just the right combination of firm and soft, he remembered how perfect Blaine had felt to his touch, and not just his ass but every part of him. Well sure, there were also things that Josh did to him that blew all thought out of his mind making any comparison impossible.

Being with Josh felt so nice. It didn't create any of the crazy turmoil inside him being with Blaine had. It was just sex. And Sam decided that even though he knew that sex before marriage was a sin, it was just too good to pass up. Thinking about it he realized he wasn't sure if the marriage-bit was even a thing when it was two guys. Well, anyway he was pretty sure it was always a sin for teenagers.

* * *

Walking down those halls again, it was a feeling of home more real than any his own had ever given him. Blaine always enjoyed performing, but nothing beat singing with the Warblers again. And then there he was – Sebastian Smythe. Wow! Blaine had never met anyone like that before. The way he flirted with him so openly; Blaine had never been subject to that kind of desire before. Save for once. Kurt wasn't flirty like that; he was just always his own lovely self. And that integrity was one of the things Blaine loved about him. But that didn't change the fact that the way Sebastian was totally inappropriate stirred things up inside him. Blaine might not have a clear memory of that night with Sam, but his body remembered everything. He felt almost desperate to start replacing those memories with new ones he'd create with Kurt.

* * *

"You're so beautiful, Sam. Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Um" Sam blushed, "I guess not."

"Well you are. And the way you move, you're amazing."

Josh was stroking Sam's naked chest and Sam was getting somewhat impatient with all the talking."So what you're saying is that you wanna blow me?" Sam winked.

"Well, I do. And I will." Josh flashed him a wicked smile. "After I tell you my secret. And only if you don't freak out."

"Shoot!"

"You know how DQ pays really shitty wages? What if I told you I have another gig on the side that pays way more, and that I could probably get you in on it?"

"I'm all ears."

* * *

Lying to Kurt was killing Blaine. Sure he could get off on a technicality like never actually saying it, just talking about it as _our first time._ But the lie was still there, and the betrayal. Because _his_ first time was forever lost to Sam. And as painful as that was, it was still – something. Something he would always have. Everything was so different with Kurt. It was so peaceful. Their passion burned with a steady flame that left them both unscathed. It was real. It was safe. And it was truly wonderful. Everything about being with Kurt just made sense.

* * *

"We're so glad to see that you're making friends, honey. And Joshua seems like such a nice kid," Sam's mom smiled at him.

"Um. Mom – Dad – I actually wanted to talk to you about that. You see, me and Josh, we're kinda, um, dating."

"What do you mean _dating_?" his father answered harshly.

"You do know what dating is don't you?" Sam was instantly annoyed.

"Samuel Evans don't use that tone with me!" Dwight reprimanded him.

"This is crazy, Sam." Mary's tone was softer. "Why would you be dating a boy?"

"Well mom, why do people date? Because I like him I guess."

"Sam – you're not gay."

The way her voice suggested this was the most self-evident fact made Sam so mad. "Who are you to say what I am or not?!"

"Sam, we've seen you with Quinn." She was still infuriatingly calm. "And with Mercedes. You loved them. You're not gay."

"Son," his father continued sternly, "whatever it is you are doing with this boy, you need to put a stop to it."

"What are you guys saying? Because I can't believe what it seems like you're saying?"

"Life is full of temptations, but that doesn't mean we should give in to them. You have a choice, Sam. I mean why would you put yourself through that when you have a choice."

Sam was so furious. And so disappointed. His parents had never been anything but loving and supporting of him. But of course it was easy to be supportive of your son when the most controversial thing about him was that he was a bit of a comic book geek. But with this, something real, when he really needed them to be there for him all that was gone, replaced with – that. Not wanting to understand. Wanting him to go and talk to Reverend Petersen about it! And that wasn't even the hardest part. The hardest part was that somewhere inside him lurked the feeling that they might be right.

* * *

"My only regret is that I'll never get to fuck that sweet ass of yours. But I get it, you're saving yourself for Mr Right and that's sweet," Josh teased playfully, although his eyes weren't smiling. The way he was just being his usual easy going self throughout the conversation all but made Sam change his mind again.

"So no hard feelings then?"

"I don't know about _hard_ but..."

"Come on, seriously."

"No, you do what you gotta do, man. You never promised me anything. Besides I wouldn't want it to be weird between us, we're still gonna be working together, right? But let me just ask – is it someone I know?"

"No, it's not like that."

"You know, some day you're gonna make some lucky guy real happy, Sam Evans."

* * *

If Sam was doing the right thing, how come it was so fucking hard?

In the break between their shows Sam wordlessly pulled Josh with him into the janitor's closet. Sam's back was pressed against the door and Josh already kneeling in front of him looked up at him, hands on his hips, "Sam, are you sure about this."  
"Are you gonna make me beg?"

It had never felt like this before. This made him feel dirty, and like such an asshole for treating his friend like that. Still he couldn't help it. But he did make sure it didn't happen often, and he always beat himself up about it after.

* * *

Once Sam lay down on the couch he noticed that someone – probably one of those little rascals that called themselves his brother and sister – had left the radio on but he was way too tired to get up and turn it off like he normally would. Just about any song reminded him of something about his time in Ohio, and he still couldn't really bear thinking about it. _His time in Ohio._ Was that what it was? Was he really never going back? He'd let himself believe this was all just temporary. And now months had passed and he was still here. It wasn't bad. Not at all. It was just not really home. So he would never go back, what difference did it make? He still couldn't be with him, right? And then there it was. That song. From the first notes he felt it like a jolt through his heart. Even though the voice streaming out of the speakers was hers, Sam heard only him. The memory of Blaine's hand in his and the first time he'd met the gaze of those amazing hazel eyes; it seemed like a lifetime ago. All over again he felt his insides slowly implode.

* * *

"Sam – hey. I didn't think I would see you here again." Josh's smile was quizzical. "Oh, you look like you've had a rough night?"

"How 'bout we don't talk and you just fuck me?"

Sam pushed passed him through the doorway but Josh caught his arm and gently turned him around. With a calm look in his beautiful brown eyes he answered, "How 'bout we _do_ talk about it. And after if you still want to you fuck me."  
Sam just barely managed a nod.

...

"That's bullshit, Sam! They have no right to say shit like that to you. After all you put yourself through for them, this is how they repay you?" Sam had never seen Josh mad like this.

"You know what, I really don't feel like talking anymore." If Sam was sure about anything it was that his parents did love him and that they wanted what was best for him; they would never hurt him or lie to him. "I shouldn't have come."

"So you're not staying?" Josh looked up at him, biting his lower lip. Why did he have to do that? "I'm sorry if I was outa line about your parents."

"No, I'm sorry." Sam grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You're so great. I just gotta go. I'm sorry."


	12. Near and Far

"Is this gonna make you happy?"

Sam almost couldn't believe what his dad was asking him. They were really going to let him go back? He was going to get to see Blaine again. And now that he'd sorted out his feelings they could go back to the way they were. Well, he had to get Blaine to forgive him for what happened first, but Sam was sure that would work out fine if he could just see him and talk to him. He'd get his best friend back. "You have no idea."

* * *

Blaine felt so lucky to be with Kurt. Things were great between them. He would be lying if he said that it had nothing to do with the fact that they were finally having sex. But that really wasn't the biggest part. It was the way they talked about stuff, the way Kurt supported him and was so proud to be with him. The way being with Kurt made him feel special. Loved. Safe.

He'd even started to love McKinley because that was where Kurt's radiant smile would greet him every morning and where he'd get to walk his beautiful boyfriend to class holding his hand. But it seemed like that feeling wasn't mutual; at least he was still struggling to be accepted by the New Directions. And it wasn't helping that the club, or you know what was left of it, was a mess and that they were sure to lose at sectionals. Learning that the Warblers had won their sectionals made the situation even more depressing to him. Still he would never let those feelings show in the choir room.

* * *

Sam felt calm, almost confident walking down the halls of McKinley again. Being back was, well in a way it was coming home. Especially walking into the choir room. _Blaine?!_ What the fuck was he doing here? Of course you could trust Rachel to be too self-involved to mention that Blaine would be there. _Fuck!_ Okay, he had to calm down. This was good; seeing Blaine was what he wanted. It just caught him off guard, that's all. Still he had to fight to keep it together. But somehow he did what he was there to do: smile at his friends, bring them some hope for the sectionals. He just had to be careful to not really look at Blaine.

* * *

"Not if I can help it!"

Blaine couldn't believe his ears. Or his eyes. How could he be back? _Why?_ He was doing so well. But now Sam was back. He was back and he acted like nothing had happened. Like the world hadn't been blown to pieces and painstakingly put back together. Who the fuck did he think he was just coming in here without any warning. With his hair and his guitar and his voice. Stirring up things that... Things that were _fine!_

* * *

Sam had really thought that he could do it. Seeing Blaine again changed all that. The last time he'd seen him they'd both been naked, falling asleep in each other's arms. When Sam closed his eyes he could still remember what Blaine's curls felt like against his face and the smell of his neck when he buried his nose in it, just not being able to get enough of the feeling of finally being so close. That next morning he hadn't been able to look at Blaine when he woke up and felt his chest pressing in on itself. But he was leaving then. It was different now; now he was back. However Blaine was still with Kurt. And anyway he wasn't supposed to think like that. Kurt or no Kurt he couldn't be with Blaine. He'd promised himself that he wouldn't act on those feelings again. It had almost felt like a relief once he'd really made up his mind. He'd been fine staying away from Josh these past weeks. And he'd be fine again, he knew that. Because he knew exactly how to fix it. It was perfect. She was perfect.

* * *

"Blaine! Hey, can we talk?"

Blaine shrugged. Next thing he knew they were in an empty classroom. Sam was just standing there, staring at him. Blaine had to look away, or else – well he wasn't sure what would happen. "You wanted to talk?"

"Yeah, um. I don't... uh. It's nice to see you B."

"Is that it? Can I leave now?"

"No! I'm sorry! You know what we did – what _I_ did – it was so wrong. And I've regretted it every day."

"Oh, uh..."

"I'm so glad to see that you and Kurt are still alright."

"Okay, um. I'mma go now." He had to get out of there. He'd promised himself to not cry any more over Sam. But he hadn't expected this. Well, he hadn't expected Sam to come back at all. Though it still happened in his dreams sometimes. In the dreams Sam would magically show up and he'd be sorry then too. But he'd be sorry for leaving, and sorry for not calling and all Blaine's hurt and anger would just melt away and everything would be alright. They'd be best friends again. No, that wasn't true. In those dreams Sam didn't regret what had happened between them – he was glad – and they were more than friends. But that wasn't what Blaine wanted. He might have once, back when they'd first met – but that was so long ago. Because in those dreams Kurt would somehow just disappear and awake that thought was unbearable to Blaine. He was in love with Kurt. He wouldn't give him up for anything. And besides he could barely stand to look at Sam now.

* * *

Seeing Blaine dance had always made Sam feel stuff. Now that he knew exactly what stuff it was... well, why the hell did he have to show off his stupid dance move like that anyway?!

He knew he was being a complete dick mocking Blaine's dancing but he was also kind of right, wasn't he? Sam wasn't exactly proud of his working as a stripper and he suspected that most of his friends didn't really approve of it but he was good at it and he actually believed that his body rolls could help them win at sectionals. But the way Blaine looked at him, the way he talked to him – that hurt. Sam couldn't protect himself from Blaine's contempt. And Blaine's words cut through him like a knife. Still Sam was shocked by his own reaction, by what he did. Mr Shue stepped between them which was a huge relief because right then he felt so much like hurting Blaine. And Blaine just left. Of course he did. Sam had to leave the room too. He was shaking. What the fuck was wrong with him! What if he'd actually hurt Blaine?

* * *

"God! Okay, stop. Look, Blaine. This … is totally boy band."

Did he seriously just do that? Did Sam just make fun of him? Who was he even? This wasn't the Sam Blaine knew. He was being a total jerk.

"What we need to sell here … is sex!"

What the fuck? Did he really think that anybody wanted to see him show off his freaking stripper moves. The image of Sam's naked chest appeared in Blaine's mind and the thought of all those hungry eyes and probably even hands on him made his stomach turn. What the hell had he been thinking doing that to himself?

"Look I came back here to win. When you're desperate sometimes you gotta, you know, use your assets and do what you gotta do to get back that advantage. This..." Sam thrust his hips, "... is the advantage."

It wasn't that Blaine actually deliberated it, but he wanted to hurt Sam. He wanted to hurt him the way Sam had hurt him. "Of course that's what _you_ think, you have to think that in order to sleep at night."

"What the hell does that mean?" Finally anger was flashing in Sam's eyes.

"It means that I'm not _for sale!_ " Then Sam's hands were on him, shoving him hard. He would have hit him if it wasn't for Mr Shue stepping between them. He wouldn't even have regretted it. And he sure as hell wouldn't have held back.

* * *

"What!? He's staying at your house?" Blaine couldn't believe what Kurt had just told him.

"Yeah. Finn kinda promised him, and dad and Carole doesn't mind. He has to stay somewhere, right? What was all that about back there anyway? I mean he was totally out of line about your spin – which by the way was totally cute – but it seemed like something else. Are you really still mad at him, sweetie?"

"Well, you know I just think it wasn't cool the way he didn't even try to stay in touch."

"Yeah, I know, that was bad. But you know some people are just not phone people."

They'd used to talk on the phone all the time. Sam had promised he'd call. Every day. "I guess."

"But you guys really need to kiss and make up, you know?"

What? "Uh, yeah, I'll be nice."

"I hope so. Because the last thing we need is more fighting amongst ourselves, that's really not gonna help us win sectionals."

"I said I'd be nice!"

* * *

Sam had been so intent on coming to talk to Blaine that he hadn't stopped to consider if this was the best time and place to do so and now he was here. It was late so they were the only ones left in the locker room. Blaine was all sweaty, apparently from beating up the punching bag. No, this was definitely not a good idea.

"I get that you're mad at me Blaine. And you have every right to be."

"It really doesn't seem like you get it Sam! You can't just waltz back in here and expect things to be alright!"

"I don't expect anything. I get that you don't wanna be friends anymore."

"That _I_ don't wanna be friends? Yeah, because you found the perfect way of showing someone that you want to be their friend: You shove your cock in their mouth and then when _they_ call _you_ to apologize for sucking your dick you just don't bother to pick up the phone. For – um let's see – make it five months."

Sam had never heard Blaine talk like that. He had to fight back an impulse to just grab him and kiss him right there. "Oh, God, Blaine. I'm so sorry. I just I..."

"I really don't want to hear it, Sam." Blaine cut him off. "But, you know, we have to be able to be in glee together. And people can't know that things are weird between us, okay?"

Sam nodded.

Turning away from him Blaine added "Now will you please excuse me, I have to hit the showers."


	13. Cough Syrup

**A/N: Sorry that I took so long to update!**

 ** **This chapter** comes with a warning: It contains the timeline of the episode On My Way and thus there is some non-explicit mentioning of Karofsky's suicide attempt. Also, the whole story is still pretty angsty. **

**That being said I want to thank all of you who are reading and reviewing – you're awesome!**

* * *

Staying at the Hudson-Hummel house was really quite awkward. Not because of Burt and Carole, they were great, they'd treated Sam like one in the family from day one. No, what was awkward was being around Kurt. Not that Sam didn't like Kurt, he did, at least he knew that he should because Kurt had given him absolutely no reason not to. But still being around him made Sam uneasy. The worst part was when Blaine was there as well; Blaine never actually talked to him unless he had to and Sam had no idea how to act around him. However it didn't happen all that often – most of the time Kurt went out to see Blaine. Or to his house, Sam guessed. His room.

Sam couldn't help but to notice how Kurt's dad and stepmom also unreservedly treated Blaine as part of the family. It made him think about his own parents; granted, they had welcomed Rory into their home with open arms during Christmas break – but only after Sam had assured them that he was just a friend. Of course the Hudmels wouldn't allow Kurt and Blaine to be alone in Kurt's room with the door shut – not that they didn't do that anyway which always made Sam even more uncomfortable. That was hardly the point though and anyway Finn was definitely not allowed that with Rachel either. Sam missed his family like crazy, but being away from them made him see things he hadn't before. Because what if... He had to make himself think it. What if they were the ones who were wrong? Sam knew he wasn't particularly smart but wouldn't everything actually add up then?

* * *

Blaine hadn't really stayed in touch with his Warbler friends, not even Nick, but he still missed them and being friends with Sebastian made him feel connected to them and his life at Dalton. Kurt was obviously his best friend but still it felt good to have a someone outside of McKinley, someone who he never had to pretend in front of. Because as difficult as not seeing Sam had been, seeing him every day at school was in a way even harder. Not to mention seeing him around Kurt's house. Sam was so inappropriate! It seemed like he was always hanging around the Hudmel house and more often than not in those old sweats that rode so low on his hips... Wait, what? No, that wasn't it. At all.

* * *

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion; Sebastian raising the slushie cup, Blaine stepping in front of Kurt, the icy red liquid hitting Blaine's face and Blaine collapsing on the ground. Sam heard Blaine scream and the world unpaused again, only he seemed to still be frozen. He just stood there as Kurt knelt at Blaine's side. _Oh God, please let him be alright!_ He just stood there as Sebastian and the rest of the Warblers left, and as Kurt and Finn helped Blaine get up and to the car. He just stood there as they drove away with him to the hospital. A single thought kept repeating in his head, _God, please let him be alright!_

* * *

"Oh, hi Sam!"

"Hi, Mrs Anderson. Is... uhm, can I see him?"

"He just woke up, you just go ahead upstairs." Mrs Anderson turned towards the stairs and called "Blaine honey, Sam's here!"

Sam knocked softly on the door and said in a hushed voice "Hey, B. It's me – Sam. Can I come in?" He waited a second before he carefully poked his head into the room, wincing a little at the sight of Blaine's eye patch. Blaine's back was propped up with pillows against the headboard and he looked strangely small in the big bed.

"Come in, Sam," he answered calmly, the corner of his mouth hitched upwards slightly in a failed attempt at a smile.

"Hey." Sam took a few hesitant steps into the room. He felt something tugging at his heart. "Are you in a lot of pain?" He searched Blaine's face.

"I'm okay. I have painkillers."

"I'm glad," Sam smiled briefly. "I'm sorry for just showing up like this. Do you want me to leave?"

"It's okay. It's actually nice to see you." Blaine gestured to a chair next to the head of his bed, "You can sit if you want."

Relieved Sam walked over to the chair and sat down. "I was so worried about you." He took Blaine's hand in both of his own, but feeling Blaine tense up at the touch he let it go again. "I'm sorry!"

"No, it's alright." Blaine looked down.

Without really thinking Sam asked "So are you scared about the surgery?"

Blaine let out a sigh. "You have no idea."

Sam took his hand again and squeezed it, letting his thumb caress Blaine's knuckles. "You'll be fine."

"You don't really know that, though."

"I do," Sam looked right into Blaine's good eye, "I do know that."

Blaine returned his gaze, he didn't speak and although he still looked so sad there was the faintest trace of a smile on his lips. Maybe it was just the pain meds making Blaine docile or maybe, just maybe, he was finally starting to forgive Sam – or at least tolerate him. Either way Sam was glad to have this moment. Even if it was just for now.

* * *

Sam felt like he was back on track. He was definitely making progress with Mercedes. She had even kissed him and now it was just a matter of time before she would break up with Shane and they could be together for real. But also having been able to have a conversation with Blaine that didn't end with the latter yelling at him and storming out felt awesome.

Sam's heart jumped as he looked at his phone and saw something he hadn't in ages, a text from Blaine.

"You were right!"

A wide smile spread on Sam's face. "Damn right I was!" He wasn't expecting a reply and there was none but still this had just turned into the best day he'd had in a very long time.

* * *

Sam was crushed. As Mercedes sang to him – so beautiful and so sad – it all welled up inside him. The pain of having hurt her like that, of losing her. He was so angry with himself, why hadn't he even considered before how seeing her behind her boyfriends back would hurt all of them. Could she ever forgive him for that? Could she forgive herself? That was so painful to think about. Why did he just never stop to think before acting?

Considering everything Sam expected this Valentine's Day to be even more depressing than last year's, even though at the time he hadn't thought that could be possible. However Sugar's party was actually kind of awesome and while performing he couldn't really focus on feeling sorry for himself.

"Okay, everyone! It's time for my extra special guest." Sugar was shouting out to the crowd with a bright smile. "Back from the dead and cute 'n' compact as ever!"

"Happy Valentine's Day everybody!"

Sam's breath caught in his chest as he saw Blaine, looking as gorgeous as ever in his stupid bow tie and ridiculous little hat. Yeah, clearly he was fine. More than that – he was amazing.

* * *

Blaine was so furious about all that was going on with Sebastian, what an impossible jerk he was that still after almost blinding him didn't back down. He was confused and frustrated by the situation with Sam. It had felt so nice to see him, almost like they were friends again. But that was when he was hurt, feeling vulnerable and he guessed the medication he'd been on might have made things seem simpler. Now the pain was back. Sure, his eye was healed but aside from that it was all still there. At least he knew one way to deal with his feelings, one that might even help them beat Sebastian and the Warblers at regionals. He focused all of his anger and pain into the song.

 _And so I run now to the things they said could restore me, restore life the way it should be._

When he stood there in the auditorium pouring his angst out to Kurt he didn't know what was happening right then across town. He had hated Karofsky so much for what he did to Kurt; the months of torture he'd put him through. He'd fought guys like Dave Karofsky his whole life to be accepted for who he was.

* * *

Like everyone at McKinley Sam was shocked to hear about Dave. "I just can't understand how he could get to such a horrible dark place."

"It's all over facebook." He could hear the held back tears in Mercedes' voice. "A couple of kids from Karofsky's new school saw him at Breadstix with Kurt on Valentine's day. They posted mean stuff on his page and texted everyone that he was gay. He couldn't take it."

It couldn't be right. If his despair and shame about being gay had nearly killed Dave – that just couldn't be right. No one should ever have to feel that way about anything. And those kids at his school harassing him that was so awful. How was Sam's own thinking that his feelings for Blaine was wrong really any different? He'd let his parents convince him of that, but no, it wasn't right. There was no way it could possibly be right. As he tried to wrap his head around all of it Sam felt angry and sad but most of all scared.

* * *

What had happened didn't make his own problems any less real but it did make them seem small. Blaine would probably never trust Sebastian again but he found that he could forgive him. Holding grudges didn't seem all that important anymore. So when during the break before their performance Sam asked to talk to him he didn't tell him no like he would have just a few days ago. He let Sam bring him to the side and listened patiently in silence to his ramble.

"I just want to say one thing, so please hear me out. I'm sorry about everything, the way I messed everything up. I want us to be friends again. More than anything. And I know that you might not be ready to forgive me yet. But when you do – if you do – I'll be here. Okay?"

And he was glad he did.

* * *

Blaine preferred hanging out with Kurt at his own house. Or actually anywhere but Kurt's house. He had decided to not be mad at Sam anymore and he sort of pulled it off, at least when they didn't really talk to each other. Still he felt a lot more relaxed not being in the same house with him. Plus at Kurt's it seemed like Carole was _always_ there, while his own parents – well, his dad was of course almost never around but also his mom often worked late. And it was really nice to have the house to themselves and be able to focus on each other. But then again, he couldn't always avoid it; that would perhaps come off as weird and also the Hudmels were always so nice. Tonight he had even agreed to stay for dinner. He hadn't ran into Sam today so it was possible that he for once was out. On his way from Kurt's room to the bathroom at the end of the hallway Blaine passed by Sam's door that was slightly ajar and he was relieved to see that the lights were off. Flinging the bathroom door open he stopped in his tracks, his hand still on the doorknob. His jaw dropped and he had to steady himself against the doorframe at the sight of Sam's bare ass. Sam spun around with an equally shocked expression on his face, clutching his towel – the one he'd been using to dry his hair when Blaine walked in – to his crotch. Blaine wanted to scream at him but he couldn't. He couldn't move. He couldn't even take his eyes off him. Sam didn't move either except for the heaving of his chest that Blaine was very aware of. His hair was a tangle of wet dark golden strands, his lips still slightly parted. Without realizing it Blaine took a step into the steamy room. Sam took one towards him. They were so close that Blaine could feel the searing heat from Sam's body. He didn't register Sam's hand moving but when Sam's fingers just barely graced the back of his hand he felt it in his entire body and let out a heavy breath he didn't know he'd been holding in.

"Boys! Dinner's ready!" Burt's voice from downstairs cut through the heavy air.

"Why don't you lock the goddamned door!" Blaine slammed the door shut behind him as he left.


	14. Try and Try Again

_Sam's chest rising and falling, the room filled up with steam from the running shower, Sam's hair all wet and mussed. Green eyes gleaming, hot breath on his face so close now and the touch sending a jolt through him spiking every nerve, and then soft lips on his own. The towel dropping to the floor, both naked pressing together. Hot, wet. Sam kissing his neck, his collarbone. He writhes with pleasure and with a gasp..._ Blaine woke up.

* * *

Sam wasn't surprised. He knew he was good-looking, he'd had enough people gawk at his body to know that by now. But his own reaction! He seriously had no control of himself, did he? Come on! What had he been thinking? Nothing as usual, that was the problem. He couldn't really blame Blaine for stopping to stare at him, he couldn't even have blamed him for whatever else might have happened if they hadn't been inter... If Burt hadn't called them downstairs. Jeez, sitting through that dinner had been tough. Blaine was good at acting like nothing had happened though. Well, nothing _had_ happened, but still he was mortified and also the images of what _could_ have happened wouldn't stop swirling around in his head. This was so bad. He'd promised Blaine over and over again to be his friend and yet he seemed totally incapable of it. Thank god for spring break – he could really use some time away from Lima right now. And of course he was also anxious to find out what new tricks the kids had learned since Christmas.

* * *

The thought of Kurt leaving was killing Blaine. Kurt had always been there. He hadn't let himself think about it before but now Kurt's graduation was inevitably drawing closer, sucking the air out of him. When Kurt left Blaine would be all alone. Well, he guessed he was kind of friends with all of the New Directions now, especially the guys. But Puck, Finn and Mike was graduating too, leaving only Artie and Joe and he didn't exactly know Joe. And of course Sam. But were they friends? Not really. They hadn't talked since he walked in on Sam in the shower – it was just too weird. It'd made everything weird – even being with Kurt felt a bit weird. So he found Sam hot, what of it? Of course he did, anyone with eyes would! It didn't mean anything. It's not like he _wanted_ to have those dreams, it's not like he _wanted Sam_.

* * *

"Blaine! Your brother is the best looking man in North America!"

Blaine really didn't need to be told that. Especially not by his boyfriend. Anyway, wasn't Kurt supposed to think that about _him_? Or at least maybe pretend that he did. And the way everyone was so impressed with Cooper's moronic "master class". Watching him in awe, taking goddamned notes! But what bothered Blaine the most was how some part of him still got excited every time his big brother visited, still hoped that it was all going to change, that maybe he was finally going to measure up.

* * *

 _When we go to New York, let's go to the front of the Plaza and reenact the ending of The Way We Were._ Blaine felt sick as he stared at the words on the screen.

"This is cheating, Kurt."

"This is texting!"

"You like this guy."

"I like the way he makes me feel. I mean when was the last time you complimented me, or told me how special I was?"

Blaine's head was spinning – this wasn't happening. "I transferred schools to be with you! I, I changed my whole life! That doesn't make you feel loved?"

* * *

"This song is for anyone who's ever been cheated on."

Sam really couldn't believe what he was hearing. Cheating? Kurt? He must have misunderstood. Blaine looked like he was really hurting though, and when the song ended and he left, everyone was just staring at Kurt and Kurt didn't go after him – no one did. Sam mumbled some apology to Mr Shue as he left the choir room. He spotted Blaine walking down the empty hallway, and sprinted after him. "Blaine, wait up!" He didn't though, but Sam caught up and fell into pace with him. "Hey! What's going on? Did something happen with you and Kurt?"

"It's really none of your business, Sam."

"Sure it is! If he hurt you in any way I swear..."

"Drop it, Sam. It's nothing, okay?"

"It didn't seem like nothing back in there, though."

Finally Blaine stopped, his shoulders dropping, "Well, there was this guy..."

"Seriously?" Sam blurted, "He was with another guy? Is he crazy?!"

Blaine was leaning against the lockers, looking down at his hands, "He was texting with him..."

"Texting?! Are _you_ crazy? You're seriously accusing him of cheating for texting with some guy after what happened with..."

"Shhh!" Blaine hissed. "What are you..."

"No one is gonna hear, it's just us around." Still Sam moved in a bit closer and hushed his voice. "But seriously? What's going on with you and Kurt?" Even as the words left his lips he realized he shouldn't have let them, "Are you really happy with him?"

"You know I don't need this from you." Blaine walked away.

* * *

After weeks of awkward silence Sam had finally worked up the courage to actually try to talk to Blaine again. He found him at his locker.

"Hey, Blaine!"

"Hey, Sam." Blaine glanced at him before returning his focus to the locker.

"Got a minute?"

"I guess."

"You know, your five months are up."

Blaine turned to look at him, scowling slightly. "What?"

"You've been avoiding me for five months now since I came back, so I figured we're even."

"Is this some kind of game to you? You don't get it do you?"

Sam wasn't going to let Blaine get rid of him that easily. "I get that I miss you. That I miss us. I can tell you've sort of needed a friend lately but you just won't let me."

"It's not that I..."

"And also," he cut Blaine off, "do you know what Sunday is?"

Blaine sighed, but a small smile appeared on his lips "Of course I know, Sam."

"Yeah, but I mean do you know what this particular Sunday is?"

"Yes, that's what I meant," Blaine chuckled.

"Oh! Right. So I was wondering. Would you _please_ come with me to see the Avengers, because y'know Finn and Puck doesn't really care and it's gonna be totally epic and it's like everything we've ever dreamed of and you know Cap _and_ Thor – I don't think you'll be able to handle that on your own, not that I..."

Blaine was laughing now. "Okay."

"What was that?"

"Okay, I'll go!"

"Really? Awesome! And you know after you can totally go back to hating me if you want."

Blaine's grin faded into a soft smile. "I don't hate you, Sam. I could never hate you."

* * *

Sam had pulled out every one of Blaine's comic books onto the floor and was now frowning at the sight. "So what's the use of having this prep session at your house when your comic collection is so fantastically lousy?"

"You're an ass, you know that?" Blaine punched him in the arm, not too hard though, because he really didn't want to get into any kind of fighting.

Sam was apparently also willing to let it go "So you're really not going to prom?"

"Well, I can't can I?"

"Um, why not?"

"Brittany issued a ban on hair gel, remember?"

Sam gave a tiny but annoying chuckle, "Oh that." He composed himself quickly again, "But you don't need all that gel anyway. Your hair is amazing without it."

"No Sam, it's definitely not."

"It is. I mean it's really nice like this too, but..." Sam cut himself off under Blaine's incredulous stare. "Um, I'm just saying it seems you're using even more gel nowadays; maybe not gelling for one night won't kill you?"

"Oh, I think it might," in spite of himself Blaine felt a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Really? Then how 'bout this?"

Blaine spotted the mischievous twinkle in Sam's eye and ducked out of the way before Sam's grabby fingers could have their way with his hair. "Stop it!" he laughed, moving away from Sam. "How 'bout you then?"

"Uh, what?"

"Prom," Blaine smiled. "Are you going?"

"Yeah – with Mercedes."

"Oh. Cool. So you two are going strong again?"

"I don't know about strong. I mean she's awesome, I really dig her and all but..." Sam trailed off.

"But what?"

"Well, she's kinda very religious."

"Is that a problem? Weren't – aren't – you like in the God Squad too?"

"Well, yeah. But we don't exactly have the same views on everything." There was a brief pause and for the tiniest moment Sam glanced at Blaine through his bangs before adding "Like sex."

Blaine was blushing, taken completely by surprise. Just the way he said the word... "Oh, okay." He was doing well with being friends again but he really didn't need to talk about sex with Sam. Especially not about sex that Sam might or might not be having with his girlfriend.

Sam sighed. "She wants to wait until she's married. With, y'know, like everything except kissing."

"Oh, yeah?" Blaine kept staring at his hands. "I get that that can be... complicated."

"Yeah? So you and Kurt? He's not – you're not..."

"Um, Kurt's fine! We're just fine..." Blaine scrambled off the floor, "So... I'm thirsty. Are you thirsty? I'll go downstairs and get us something to drink."

* * *

Blaine wasn't sure how he'd gotten himself talked into ditching third period and now found himself sitting up in the bleachers with Sam sipping milkshake. But to be honest after returning from Chicago as national champions all of the glee club were a bit giddy with the excitement and seeing as only a few days remained of spring semester none of them could be bothered to take classes very seriously, not even Blaine.

"It didn't make sense to try the long-distance thing last year and it makes even less sense now. She'll be super busy with her, you know, career and stuff and LA is really far. I won't afford to come see her. So, how 'bout you and Kurt?" Sam slightly shifted his elbow to nudge Blaine's arm. "He's going to New York, right?"

The prospect of a long-distance relationship scared Blaine. How could they be together if they couldn't actually _be_ together, if Kurt wouldn't be there – what was the point? Talking on the phone, skyping; it was nice but it wasn't what he wanted – what he needed – from Kurt. But what was the alternative? "Yeah, we haven't really talked about it yet but I guess we're doing the long-distance thing."

"Oh, yeah of course." Sam nodded, looking down at the field in front of them.

"I'm kinda looking forward to visiting him in New York. Not so much to being alone, though."

"Hey, you won't be alone, silly!" Sam smiled leaning against his side.

* * *

When Kurt found out that he wasn't accepted to NYADA, the decision to stay together made even more sense. He could almost feel it again. What he'd felt when he'd let Kurt convince him that they were going to be alright. When he'd looked into Kurt's eyes, so full of love, as he went on about their future together Blaine could no longer have said how he'd been doubting it. That this was real. This was it. But as wonderful as it was that they got to spend the summer together, it was still just dragging out the end, painfully. Because Kurt would inevitably leave; he didn't belong in Lima, he belonged in New York.

* * *

Being back in Kentucky was like having warped almost a year back in time – that'd be an awesome power to have! Though if he did Sam wouldn't exactly have chosen _that_ time to go back to. The job at DQ was the same, most of the people was new though. Josh had left. Sam hadn't expected him to be there, he'd seen the pictures on facebook; sandy beaches and green jungles most of them with a cute redhead smiling lovingly into the camera. The sting in his heart wasn't jealousy exactly. What had made them great together, among other things, was that neither wanted more from the other than he could give. But while it seemed that Josh and Kyle had found their way back to each other, for him... Well, he had gotten his best friend back, hadn't he? He should be happy. He _was_ happy. It just sucked being alone.

* * *

Two familiar blond kids ran up to the fence around the yard and watched him get out of the car.

"Blaine!"

"Stace!" Stacey came running towards him through the gate, and threw her arms around his waist, draining his nervousness. Blaine laughed, "Wow! I've missed you guys!" He gave Stevie who was still on the lawn a wave, "How are you doing, buddy?"

"Saaammyy! Saaaam!" Stacey was running up to the house, still hollering as she flung the door open "Saaam! Sam! Look who it is!"

"What's with the racket?" Sam showed up in the doorway, squinting against the light, scratching his head. Those gray sweats again. "Blaine? What, wh... Hi!"

He grinned and wrapped his arms around Blaine. Hugging him the way only Sam did – sloppily, but softly, pulling him into his body, not giving a second thought to if Blaine's face was crammed against his neck or chest, just holding him close. It might probably be uncomfortable, but Blaine couldn't imagine any other place he would rather be, he laughed against Sam's shoulder. "Hi, Sam."

"But what are you doing here? Not that it's not great to see you! Oh, you should totally come in!" Sam ushered him through the door. "Stevie! Let's go inside!" Again turning to Blaine. "So, you were saying?"

"Remember how you brute forced me into hanging out on your, birthday? It worked out kinda great, so I thought I'd try it." Blaine smiled. "And I had the day off, so a road trip seemed like a good idea. Besides there's only about four people in town for my party tomorrow, so I figured this was the only way to make it not suck."

Sam smiled fondly at him, "You're supposed to be the smart one, but you didn't think to call?"

"Yeah, but you seemed more likely to come like this." Sam gave him a look he couldn't quite figure out and he hurried to add "Don't worry I'll have you back by Sunday evening."

For the first time since Blaine had gotten there Stevie spoke, turning to his big brother. "Can we come too?"

"Please!" Stacey pleaded. "We want to go to Blainey's house!" Sam looked at Blaine, eyebrows raised.

Blaine bent down so that he was face to face with the girl. "Why not? But we've gotta ask your mom and dad first." To Sam he added, "The party is gonna be family friendly, you know Puck's out of town, and my mom will be home. We'll go play laser tag or something."

"Really!?"

"Okay, I know we won't really play laser tag, but a boy can dream, right? Point is it'll be fun to take the kids."

"Awesome!" Sam beamed at him.

"And just so you know, you're driving!"

"Oh, we should totally stop for laser tag somewhere on the way though!"

* * *

Sam realized that Blaine had been silent for a while now, it wasn't unusual that he was carried away with something and Blaine didn't do much talking for a bit, but he would always add his _Mhms_ and _No way!s_ and the occasional chuckle, but now he was really quiet. "Are you still there?"

"Yea." There was another pause but shorter this time. "I'm really glad we're friends again, Sam."

Sam smiled. "Me too."

"Um, can I ask you one thing though?"

"Of course."

"I know I should just drop it, but..."

Sam wasn't about to let Blaine worm his way out of it, he was way too curious now. "Come on, man! Spill!"

"You know back when... you know... When it all went bad between us?"

"Um...?"

"When, we – you know..."

"Oh... Oh! That. Yes." Sam couldn't help but smile. "What about it?"

"I just... I... Your dare. Why did you? I mean if you hated it so much, why did you let it happen?"

"I didn't! I didn't hate it at all, why would you... I dared you to kiss me because... Because I wanted you to. So bad."

"What?"

"I know, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have."

"No! No... what was the reason again?"

"I wanted you to kiss me?"

"Why?"

"Why? Um... Well... um." Sam's free hand was rubbing the back of his neck and he was glad that Blaine wasn't there to see how much he was blushing.

"You were curious about kissing a boy?"

"No. Well, yes! But no, that wasn't it. It wasn't that you're a boy. I mean, it was just you. I wanted you."

"You... _wanted_ me?"

"Yes. I did." Sam swallowed, just barely stopping himself from making things infinitely worse. _I do._

"No! You can't tell me that! You can't say that to me! How...? What? What does that even mean, Sam? - I can't do this." Blaine hung up.


	15. Everybody's Got a Dark Side

**A/N: I'm really sorry about taking so long with this. T** **hank you for your patience!**

* * *

 _I'd trade my soul for a wish_

 _Pennies and dimes for a kiss  
I wasn't looking for this  
But now you're in my way_

 _I beg and borrow and steal  
At first sight and it's real  
I didn't know I would feel it  
But it's in my way _

Blaine could not wrap his head around it. He just felt this pain of longing, like he'd lost something. Why did he have to ask Sam about it anyway? It was so stupid. They'd just never talked about it and he'd had this feeling that they should. But clearly he'd been wrong. Because now it had crept under his skin and he couldn't shake it and suddenly he didn't know how to be around Sam anymore.

* * *

Why the fuck did it have to be so complicated? It was supposed to be simple, fun, right? Sam had tried to talk about it, well at least sort of he realized thinking back to their last actual conversation – if it could be called that.

"Hi Sam." Blaine hadn't sounded excited like he normally would picking up a call from Sam.

"Hey, B. How're you doing?"

"I'm fine. You?" Blaine had sounded – felt – distant.

"Are you... Are we okay?"

"Hm, sure, why wouldn't we be?"

"Well, you kinda hung up on me yesterday."

"Mm, sorry about that. Um I..."

"It's okay, I just..."

"Um, Sam... I, um, look I'm sorry but I can't really talk right now, so... talk to you later?"

"Oh. Right. Yeah, okay."

"Okay. Bye."

Blaine hadn't called him back though. And Sam hadn't called either, not really knowing what to say anymore. He'd figured things might work themselves out once school started. And in a way they had; Blaine was actually talking to him again, in fact he acted completely normal. Except there was nothing normal about it, because it wasn't them, it was just being polite, pretending nothing was wrong. It was such a long time ago – even though sometimes the memory of it was still so real that he felt like it just happened. The point was Blaine and Kurt were still happily together, so why did Blaine have to keep holding a grudge about it? He'd apologized over and over. What the hell did he want from him?!

No, things weren't ever really simple with Blaine; their friendship was excruciating at times but also incredible – however it was long since it had been simple. He had to talk to Blaine and finally make things right again.

* * *

Blaine was surprised that Sam didn't leave glee practice together with Brittany, as he seemed to always do these days, but rather hung back to wait for him.

"Hey, got a second?"

Blaine felt a flutter inside. "Sure."

"Okay, er, I just want to make sure you know that you don't need to worry about it happening again. You know... Because it wont. It's... I'm..." Whatever had stirred inside him froze as Sam took a deep breath and continued. "I just want us to be friends. But you have to decide, Blaine, because I can't keep doing this. We have to put that stuff behind us."

"Oh. Um, yeah."

"Think about it, okay?" Sam gave his shoulder a squeeze, "See you tomorrow, bro!" and jogged off towards where Brittany was waiting for him by his locker.

* * *

Blaine knew there was probably dozens of people that would be better suited as his candidate for vice president, but he couldn't think of anyone he'd rather have. Their conversation the other day had taken him by surprise and first he'd been sort of upset by Sam so clearly stating that he wasn't interested anymore. But it wasn't as if he'd thought that he was. Before Sam told him about it Blaine hadn't thought he'd _ever_ been interested. Even if they were drunk and it was just as an experiment the thought that Sam had wanted him then always sent shivers all along Blaine's spine. But he'd never said that it was more than that. Blaine could never hope for more than that. Well, he didn't have to hope for anything, right? He had a boyfriend – and amazing, beautiful boyfriend. Yes, he was still with Kurt even though he wasn't there anymore. He'd left. Kurt that had been his constant. He'd always been there, and now he wasn't. Blaine knew he'd urged him to go, but Kurt staying in Lima was never an option; it wasn't good for him. And if he stayed because of Blaine it would definitely lead to resentment. Of course he should leave. And they still talked every day and he was happy that Kurt seemed so excited about his new internship and he was so proud of him. So he really had no reason to react the way he did to learning that the experiment had apparently failed – or perhaps succeeded depending on what Sam had been trying to prove – either way now he wanted nothing more than to be friends again. And he felt so stupid for the way he'd acted, shutting Sam out like that. And why? How could he explain that to Sam, when he didn't fully understand it himself? But now thanks to Brittany he had Sam as his running mate and it was sure to help defrost their friendship.

As it turned out hanging out with Sam was still a bit complicated. For one there was Sam's habit of trowing off his shirt at more or less unexpected times. Blaine couldn't help the way his stomach did a somersault each time it happened even though he felt bad thinking about Sam that way knowing it made him uncomfortable. And also Sam was flirting with Brittany, he was almost sure of it. That was definitely bugging Blaine and not entirely unjustly he figured, after all she was their competition plus wasn't she and Santana still together?

* * *

"There's the man of the hour. You alright?"

"You know, it didn't hit me until right now: I came to McKinley for Kurt – that's it. And now he's gone, and even with glee club, it just, I feel really, really alone."

"You're kinda killing my party buzz, bro."

"I'm sorry, it's just that I did all of this for him, I did all of this for him. And now he's not here. And so it just kinda feels like none of it matters."

By now Sam should have gotten used to Blaine moping about how difficult it was to be apart from Kurt, but it was just hard; apparently promising Blaine that he would never try to act on his feelings again didn't magically make them disappear. And this was supposed to be their time, their celebration. Blam, right? Also he knew that this was actually really important to Blaine and now he wasn't even excited about winning because he made it all to be about Kurt. He strained to not let the part of him that just wanted to scream at Blaine take over.

"Of course it matters. You're McKinley's First Gay Guy President."

"Nobody cares about that."

"Look, before you, Kurt was the first gay kid I met. Don't get me wrong, he's great, but I just don't really get his Bravo jokes or the fashion thing or Broadway. You and me, it's different, you know? I never had a gay bro before. We'll be like Wolverine and Cyclops, you know, show people how we're cool with each other. And you know, if you ask me, that's what matters."

"Thanks, man. You're right. But just so we're clear – "

"I'm Wolverine."

" – I'm Wolverine."

"I said it first." Obviously Blaine was in the right, but Sam was not about to admit that.

He was better off celebrating with Brittany. In fact he actually liked hanging out with her more than with Blaine these days; even though running the campaign together had been great they still were a long way from where they were and often, like he had tonight, Blaine just brought him down. So maybe that's why he'd decided to vote for her? No, he admitted that the biggest reason was so that he could tell her about it right now, because he'd known it would make her smile and he loved to see her smile – to make her smile.

* * *

"But you're coming in two weeks, right?" Kurt made it sound like it was nothing, like two weeks more couldn't just as well be an eternity.

"I know, but what am I supposed to do until then – just hold my breath?"

He didn't need to hold his breath though. He already couldn't breathe. And he needed to. He needed to feel something else than this awful emptiness. It had already been happening for months, he'd been losing Kurt for so long. And now Kurt had finally figured it out, that Blaine didn't deserve him – to be loved by him. There was no place for Blaine in Kurt's life anymore. Of course Kurt didn't care about his stupid little life in stupid little Lima, why would he? He didn't need Blaine anymore. And Blaine needed Kurt to need him. The walls were closing in around him. He was trapped and hurt and abandoned. And there he was – this guy – flirting with him, offering him just what he needed. A chance to feel something else; to get away from the pain, the doubt, the fear. There was no way Eli could hurt him, or leave him. And he wanted him. He was there. The feeling of him being so fucking right there.

* * *

"Since Kurt and I broke up, I haven't slept, I lost my appetite. I don't even gel on weekends."

"This is pretty serious, then."

"Sam, Kurt was my soul mate."

What was he supposed to say to that? He was supposed to be Blaine's friend. Blaine was so crushed over his breakup with Kurt. And it broke Sam's heart. All over again. There was a part of him – and he was so ashamed of this – that had been glad to learn about the breakup, but seeing his friend so completely broken was really painful. Sam tried to be a good friend, to say the right things. He'd been through his fair share of breakups so he should be able to give some kind of advice. But it seemed like nothing of that applied here. Still he felt he knew something about what Blaine was going through. What had he expected? Nothing really. But he became aware that he had been hoping, foolishly, that Blaine would tell him how he'd been wrong all this time, how it was him that he wanted to be with.


	16. We Can Be Us

_I, I wish I could swim  
Like the dolphins, like dolphins can swim  
Though nothing, nothing will keep us together  
We can beat them, for ever and ever  
Oh, we can be heroes, just for one day_

 _I, I will be king_  
 _And you, you will be queen_  
 _Though nothing will drive them away_  
 _We can be heroes, just for one day_

 _We can be us, just for one day_

 _I, I can remember (I remember)_  
 _Standing by the wall (by the wall)_  
 _And the guns shot above our heads (over our heads)_  
 _And we kissed as though nothing could fall (nothing could fall)_

 _And the shame was on the other side  
Oh, we can beat them, for ever and ever  
Then we could be heroes, just for one day  
_

 _We can be heroes  
 _We can be heroes  
_ Just for one day _

* * *

Sam had never thought he'd be here. Even now he couldn't really believe it wasn't a dream, but – looking down at the fingers loosely entwined with his own – he definitely didn't want to wake up. So much had happened since the nightmare he'd found himself in that morning. The panic gripping him when he'd first arrived at school to find out that Blaine was planning on leaving McKinley. The agony he'd felt as Blaine told him about... that guy. He'd fucked another guy! Sam had gotten used to the idea of Blaine... being with Kurt – no, he'd learned to push the thought of it away – but hearing about _that_ had made his gut wrench. And then Blaine had told him how he still thought he and Kurt were meant to be together forever. _I cheated on the one person that I love more than anything in this world._ Those words had shattered him, but also finally allowed him to see what he couldn't before. That this wasn't about him, none of it, this wasn't his crisis. And also that he hadn't been a good friend to Blaine lately. Not wanting to hear how miserable Blaine was over Kurt, not knowing what to say or how to deal with it he'd left him on his own. And he'd looked into Blaine's golden eyes and seen so much pain there, but also everything else that Blaine couldn't see himself. How utterly beautiful he was outside and in, how he wasn't a bad person at all and wasn't supposed to be hurting like that. And he'd realized that he needed to put his feelings aside and do something to help Blaine. Slowly he turned his gaze up and there they were again those amazing eyes, and now the pain had given way. There was a jumble of feelings in there and Sam couldn't tell what Blaine was thinking but most importantly there was a sparkle of happiness again.

* * *

Blaine could feel his heart beating faster. For the first time since he could remember he felt light, he felt like anything was possible. _This_ was possible. It had been such an amazing day. Even though it had started out miserably Sam had come along and changed all that, turning it into the best one ever. Now it was just a haze of happiness and laughter to him. He barely knew how they had even managed to get back home from Dalton. But they had made it home, with the trophy, all the way upstairs without even waking his parents up, even though they'd been unable to stop giggling. But once they were in his room Blaine had turned serious, "Thank you so much for today, Sam. You really saved me, you know."

"Well, I couldn't let you leave could I?" Sam had smiled, "C'mere," and wrapped him in his arms, making sure no more words were needed. How he'd missed Sam's hugs! He didn't know what had made him do it – sliding his hand down Sam's arm as they'd slowly broken their embrace, lightly grasping his fingers – maybe it was some of Nightbird's courage still in him, maybe it was the song that kept playing in the back of his mind, the sound of Sam's raspy voice and everything it had stirred up inside him, maybe it was just Sam, the way he had made him feel today. But how or why wasn't important anymore because now Sam was looking up at him. The look in his eyes chased away the final traces of Blaine's demons, his self-doubt and his fear. There was nothing but here and now. In that moment everything felt right. The way Sam didn't pull his hand away but just stood there almost like he was waiting. Blaine reached out his hand and gently brushed aside a strand of golden hair falling down on Sam's brow. Sam's grip tightened momentarily at the touch but he made no further movement, just kept his gaze locked with Blaine's. Blaine had to concentrate to keep breathing. His heart was racing as his fingers trailed along the side of Sam's face, his thumb lightly stroking Sam's cheek as he moved in a bit closer. He could hear Sam's unsteady breaths, felt them hot on his lips. Still half expecting him to pull away at any second he softly touched Sam's lips with his own. There was no delay in Sam's reaction, soft lips lightly pushing back against his own, parting slightly as he melted into the kiss. The feeling of Sam kissing him back hit him with full force, racing through him from his very core out into his toes. The only thing that was keeping him standing was Sam's warm hand in his. His free hand slipped around the back of Sam's neck and brought them closer, letting his lips part and their tongues meet. The kiss quickly grew eager and wet. Sam moaned softly against his lips and squeezed his hand tight before letting it go to allow his own hand to move up to Blaine's face cupping his jaw, while the other one roamed Blaine's side and back, pulling him closer. Blaine's fingers worked through Sam's soft hair and for a few moments he was swept away, not existing outside the kiss. Then, feeling dizzy, he pushed himself away from Sam. Just enough to be able to breathe and look at him properly.

* * *

Sam's head was spinning. His heart pounding seemingly intent on breaking his rib cage. He knew Blaine had come at this from a bad place, and he should probably care about that, he probably really should. Both for Blaine and for his own sake. But it was just too much. It was Blaine, and he was so beautiful and he felt so good. But Blaine was right, it was a mistake, wasn't it? Because clearly that's what he'd just realized. They should stop, right? He just couldn't bring himself to say it. And Blaine was still just kind of staring at him, looking like he was trying to say something. After what could have been an eternity Blaine broke the silence in just barely more than a whisper, "Sam..."

Sam held his breath waiting for what would inevitably come next. And then Blaine's hands slid up around his neck and their mouths crashed together and all thought of stopping, of ever doing anything but this ever again, were completely wiped from Sam's mind.

* * *

 _Sam._ Everything was just Sam. That's all there was in the world. Sam and him – them. Kissing him like this was better – more – than anything. Blaine felt actual tears welling up in his eyes. This was already too much for him to handle. This was everything. He'd dreamed about it, but nothing he could have imagined could come close. Blaine let himself be completely lost in the feeling of Sam's beautiful soft lips on his. Sam started tracing hot kisses along the line of his jaw. Exploring the sensitive skin by his ear, sending shivers down his spine. Covering his neck with soft kisses, or rather the part of his neck that wasn't already covered by his shirt. Blaine had been glad they'd stopped on the way back to Lima to change out of their costumes, but now as Sam was struggling to get his hands under his stupidly tight shirt he kind of regretted putting that on again. Tugging at it Sam mumbled against his neck between kisses, "Can we... take this... off?"

"Mhm," Blaine nodded. Sam's long, and usually so nimble, fingers trembled slightly as they fumbled with the buttons. Some part of Blaine wanted to just rip it open, but even now, or maybe especially now, he was way too shy. And it was okay that it took some time because he frankly didn't know how to handle anything more than what they were already doing. And still he craved it. As he moved his hands to help with the buttons Sam looked up at him, his cheeks a bit flushed, his hair a wonderful mess. _Oh my god – Sam!_ He was so gorgeous, how was it even possible? And then Sam smiled at him and suddenly Blaine felt calm, a nervousness he hadn't even been aware of left him as he was smiling back at his amazingly beautiful best friend.

Sure, Blaine had seen Sam with his shirt off before and it never failed to stun him. But this – pulling Sam's tee shirt over his head, then placing his hands just below his collarbones and allowing them to slide down over the shape of his perfect chest. That was just... _Perfect._ Everything about Sam was perfect. The way his gorgeous eyes gleamed with lust. The way his hands felt on him, igniting his skin, touching every inch they could reach. His lips kissing and sucking on his neck. The way being close to him just felt so, _so_ good. The way he completely took Blaine's breath away. And then he felt Sam's hand pressing firmly against the hardness in his pants. Blaine couldn't tell what was more amazing, the touch or the low groan Sam let out, but his knees finally actually buckled and he stumbled backwards, pulling Sam with him, just one or two steps before he had his back pressed up against the wall and Sam pressed up against him. Desperate for more closeness he started unbuckling Sam's belt, Sam was quick to assist and soon his jeans dropped to the floor. Even as he stepped out of them he deftly worked Blaine's pants open. Locking their gazes he let his fingers slip past the waistband of his briefs, hooking his thumbs, pausing only for a brief moment before sliding his hands along Blaine's legs freeing him of the rest of his clothes while sinking down to his knees. Sam's hands started exploring his chest again, running along his sides back to his ass. Blaine gasped as Sam dipped in and started kissing his stomach, his hips, and even with the wall to support him he felt he was about to collapse, trying desperately to grab hold on the flat surface behind him until his hands found their way into Sam's hair. Sam looked up at him again and Blaine let out an audible breath as his warm hand started stroking him, guiding him to his mouth and "Hngh!" Sam was kissing him, lacing soft kisses along his shaft. And then there was wetness, his tongue licking from the base all the way up, before taking him into his hot mouth. Sam's lips were wrapped around his cock and it was too much all at once, with the sounds he made and the way he looked at him Blaine was going to come really soon. But he didn't. Because Sam let go of him and stood back up, pulling off his boxers. Then he stepped in close again and now Blaine knew why he'd stopped – their naked bodies pressed together, the feeling of Sam's hot erection against his own was somehow even better. "C'mere," Sam took his hand and led him over to the neatly made bed, throwing the bedspread off it before kissing him again and then gently guiding him down onto his back.

Sam was on top of him, kissing him as he lowered himself down and their bodies melted together. Eyes locked, legs entwined. Feeling his heart beating wildly where their chests were pressed together, and their cocks rubbing beautifully against each other, Sam's so hard and hot and slick against his own. Not kissing anymore but panting into each others mouths as they moved together as one. Blaine tried desperately to hold on to Sam's gaze, even as his vision blurred, feeling himself getting closer. Sam was grinding down into him, he was pushing his hips up to meet him, digging his fingers into his back and he couldn't stop his eyes from squeezing shut, losing himself entirely. His orgasm hitting him as Sam shuddered and called out his name, their cum mingling slippery and warm between them. Sam slumped down, somehow even in this moment taking care to not crush Blaine, shifting his weight to the side, ending up draped across his chest and panting against his neck. After some time Sam pushed himself up again and raised his head to look at Blaine. He was smiling and as their eyes met the elation inside Blaine spilled over and they laughed. Just a small, happy, exhausted laugh before Sam rolled over onto his back and reached to pick up his tee shirt from the floor using it to clean them up with. Then sliding his arm under Blaine's neck he curled up around him again. Enveloped by Sam Blaine already felt himself drifting off, his chest snug against Sam's back, Sam's arm wrapped around his waist and Sam's palm flat against where his heart was pounding out its bliss.

* * *

As he woke up Sam was first only aware of the vague happy tingle lingering low in his belly. He reached out his hand, letting it slide over the cool sheet. Slowly he opened his eyes and let them wander across the room, lit up only by what little light shone trough the window from the deep blue sky outside, he was alone. Just as he realized this the door opened silently and Blaine appeared. Dark curls wet and somewhat wild, wearing only white briefs and a matching tank top, he stepped into the room like something out of a dream. "Hey, there you are."

"Hey, " Blaine smiled, "you're awake."

"Yeah," Sam raised himself up on his elbow as Blaine walked over to the bed and sat down. "What are you doing up? It's still dark."

"I just, I woke up and I... I didn't want to wake you..."

"Hey," Sam moved closer and put his hand low on Blaine's back, "you alright?"

"Mhm," Blaine nodded. Then he turned to Sam, smiling again, "I am," and as Sam slowly moved back on the bed he lay down beside him. "Hi."

"Hi," Sam smiled back, feeling a flush of heat creeping up to his cheeks Was this really happening? Whatever this was. He kind of wanted to know, but also, whatever it was he just wanted to enjoy it. Enjoy the feeling of being close to Blaine. Hearing his breaths as they slipped in and out through his nose. He let the back of his fingers lightly stroke the side of Blaine's face. A dark stubble had begun to appear there, feeling it sent shivers down his spine. As he repeated the caress, less tentatively now, letting it linger and reach his lips Blaine's eyes fluttered shut, and he moved slightly against the touch, making the tiniest most amazing noise – just a small humming sound that sent a jolt through Sam. He could just stay like this, spend the day tracing featherlight touches along a dark wedged eyebrow, letting his fingertips study the contours of his face, his lips. But there was also this urgency, a fierce need for more. Sam drew a bit closer and let his nose nudge against Blaine's, coaxing him to turn his face, his eyes, up again. Looking into Blaine's beautiful hazel eyes, that even in the dimness of the room seemed to sparkle, his breathing got heavier. It hitched as Blaine's gaze darted to his mouth. He didn't want to push Blaine into anything, knowing he'd probably crossed a million boundaries he shouldn't have the night before. "Is this okay?" Blaine nodded slowly, seriously. Moving in the final inches Sam gently touched his lips to Blaine's, savoring the feeling of them so soft and warm and moving perfectly against his own. The warmth spreading from his chest exploding through him as Blaine deepened their kiss. Blaine's hand running over his neck, shoulder, down his back, pulling him closer. Wanting to feel more of him Sam gently rolled Blaine onto his back so that he could let his hands wander all over Blaine's upper body. Over his strong arms, his slender chest. He couldn't get enough of touching him, the way he felt as he moved against him. Sam began tracing kisses along his neck, exploring his soft skin, slowly kissing just along the neckline of his tank top. The smell of soap and washing powder mingled with his very own scent to make up the familiar smell of Blaine – only so much stronger like this, going to his head making him dizzy. He let his hand slide along Blaine's abdomen, down over his top and then up again underneath it, pushing it up. Sam raised his head to look at Blaine, silently asking his consent again. There was still a part of him that wanted to stop. They should take it slow. They should talk about it first. Blaine had been upset over Kurt – was he taking advantage of Blaine feeling vulnerable? Still, as long as Blaine wanted him to go on he felt like nothing could make him stop. Being close to him like this, touching him, was beyond anything he'd felt before. Lips red and slightly parted, cheeks flushed, Blaine nodded and pushed himself up to let Sam remove his shirt.

Sam kissed and licked all over Blaine's gorgeous chest and the flat planes of his stomach. Tracing that amazing v-line vanishing into his briefs. Once there he started mouthing at the bulge inside, feeling it twitch under his touch. Breathing in, there was again the smell of clean laundry but above all a much heavier version of the intoxicating scent that was purely _him_. Sam was kissing Blaine trough the soft white material making him grow harder. The noises that Blaine was making weren't all that tiny anymore, and they were driving Sam mad. Granted he didn't have that much experience, but he knew something about how sex could feel really good. But this, that it was possible to feel like this – like all he wanted to do for every second of the rest of his life was to keep making Blaine make those sounds, making him feel good, feeling Blaine so hot and smooth and hard, squirming under his touch, pressing against him. He pulled at the waistband of his underwear, letting Blaine's cock spring free. It was really so gorgeous. He just wanted it so bad, to touch it, to feel it – all of it. Cupping Blaine's balls with one hand he gave it a slow, wet lick. And then another. And another, stopping to swirl his tongue around the tip before wrapping his hand around the shaft and letting it slip into his mouth. The taste of him, salty and warm. _Blaine._ Blaine's hands were in his hair, not pushing or pulling just being there. Coming together, like they had last night, had been so incredible, feeling every part of Blaine against him, but as much as he wanted that again he definitely didn't want to stop doing this. Having Blaine in his mouth was perfect in every way, Sam was getting completely lost in him. The sounds he was making, how he was big and hard inside him, becoming even harder under his tongue pressed flat against his shaft, gliding in and out of him slick and silky smooth. Blaine was definitely getting close, his soft moans growing louder, his hips starting to grind up. Sam felt Blaine's body writhe under him, his legs twitching slightly and as Blaine exploded into his mouth, and his warm salty, cum filled him, Sam continued to suck and swallow around him until he was completely done. Savoring the taste of him to the last drop, and in some sense it was probably not _actually_ the best thing he'd ever tasted – but _fuck_ it was the best thing he'd ever tasted! Blaine's fingers, though now completely limp, were still entangled in his hair, as Sam slowly kissed his way up Blaine's body they started moving leisurely through it again. Sam looked up, unable to help the goofy grin on his lips but seeing Blaine mirror his expression he figured it was okay, "That was awesome!"

"So. Awesome."

It wasn't until now that Sam became fully aware of his own dick, throbbing, aching to be touched. But as he slid up his body Blaine's hand immediately found him. He heard himself groan at the touch. Blaine circled his thumb over the tip, smearing his precum around and along the shaft as he began stroking him slowly. Sam had dreamed about this, fantasized about Blaine touching him like this and here he was Blaine taking charge, guiding him onto his back. His body was pressed against Sam's and he kept his gaze locked with Sam's, eyes glistening with gold as the first rays of the morning sun finally spilled over the rooftops. He was already so close, he'd been close ever since he first took Blaine into his mouth, but he needed more of him, to feel more of him. Breathy, whimpering sounds escaped him but not of them were actual words. Then Blaine plunged down claiming his mouth in a searing kiss and he tumbled over the edge, coming in Blaine's fist with Blaine's hot mouth on his all the way as his cum shot over their chests and stomachs.

Blaine was propped up on his elbow, beaming down at him "Great, now I need another shower."

"You think?" Sam ran his fingers through Blaine's damp curls, down his neck and shoulder to smudge a bit of cum that was starting to trickle down his chest.

Blaine chuckled, "Here, let me," and reached across him for the tissues on his nightstand.

* * *

"So... we should talk about this, right?"

"Mhm." Yes, Blaine knew they should talk. But talking about it would involve thinking about it and he'd rather not do that. He'd rather just keep feeling what he felt right now. How wonderful it was to be this close to Sam. To be with him like this. Like it was real, like he could actually have this. He couldn't believe what was happening, but he wanted to hold on to it as long as possible. The smoothness of his skin, the roughness of his lightly stubbled cheek. And the way his stomach tingled and his heart soared. "We really need to get to school, though."

"Seriously? You really wanna go to school today?"

"Well, yeah. We have to, right? I mean, I guess... of course we have to talk. But can we do it tonight?"

* * *

Sam couldn't figure out what Blaine was thinking. One part of him really wanted to know but another, perhaps bigger, didn't. He recalled all the conversations they'd had about Kurt. How they were soul mates, how much Blaine loved Kurt and – from just yesterday – how they were destined to spend the rest of their lives together. How could he ever love Sam like that? No, he really wasn't kidding himself as to what this meant. That this was more than just sex, that this could be more than a one time thing. Because what would have changed since yesterday? But still the thought that it wouldn't made his insides twist painfully.

Sam pulled the cover over their heads. "Please, don't make me go out there. I don't want to leave this room!"

There was that sweet little chuckle again. "Not even for a shower?" And Blaine took him by the hand and led him to the bathroom. All Sam's worries dissolved as Blaine kissed him again under the hot water streaming over their bodies.

* * *

As Sam entered Blaine's room Blaine turned towards him from the dresser grinning triumphantly, "Look what I found!" holding up a plaid shirt.

Sam chuckled fondly at Blaine's infectious excitement. "Awesome! I've been missing that shirt," he smiled. "But also I, um... I guess I kinda need a clean tee shirt," he added feeling his cheeks heat up a bit.

"Yea, I figured," Blaine smiled, just briefly raising his eyes to meet Sam's, before nodding to the small pile of clothes he'd put on the bed for him.

"Thanks. Sooo... since we don't need to drive by my place on the way..." He walked up to Blaine and lightly put his hands on his hips, not ready to let go just yet. For a few moments Blaine melted under Sam's touch, moving his hands to rest on Sam's forearms. As Sam leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips he responded immediately kissing him back gingerly. The kiss was sweet, gentle and only very slowly, but inevitably, growing in intensity. As Sam's hands started to wander Blaine broke the kiss. Moving his hands to hold on to Sam's, peeling them off himself as he stepped back. His eyes were turned towards their joined hands as he spoke.

"We're already late. I have to shave and fix my hair. And you should... " Blaine's eyes flickered up over Sam's chest to his eyes and then down again, "you should really get dressed." Gaze continuing to dart between their hands and his face, he let go of Sam's hands, sticking his in his pockets instead. "And... um. You're probably hungry. Are you hungry...? There's food in the kitchen. I mean, um, y'know, maybe we can grab something and eat in the car."

"Okay. It's okay, Blaine. You go ahead."

* * *

"Hey, B?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you pull over up here?"

"Why? We're already late."

"Just – please?"

Blaine pulled over and turned to Sam. "So...?"

"I just... I'm gonna miss you today."

Blaine smiled, "We'll have classes together like all day."

"Yeah, but you know what I mean... I wont be able to do this." Sam leaned over to him, cupped his jaw in his strong warm hand and pulled him in. Sam was kissing him again and his whole world was spinning. He broke the kiss. "We have to go."

"Okay. And we'll talk after glee practice, right?"

"Yea, we will."

"Alright. Let's go then."


	17. We Must Learn To Walk Before We Run

**A/N: Sorry (again) for taking forever to update. Thank you so much for you patience with me and with the story.**

 **And a special thank you to all you lovelies who take the time to leave reviews, you're the best!**

* * *

"So do you think it's safe to leave the trophy in your car like this?"

"It'll probably fit in your trunk so let's put it there."

"You're a genius, B!" Sam beamed at him. Blaine smiled back and their eyes locked. For a brief moment there was just them, just the two of them and no questions or worries. Then Sam looked over his shoulder, "So how do you wanna do this? You can go in first and I'll be along in a minute."

"We're not here on a secret mission, Sam – we can walk into school together."

"Oh, right."

* * *

Sam felt like everyone turned and looked at him as he entered the building. The way Blaine still filled his whole consciousness, burning so brightly, the feeling of Blaine's soft lips on his, his warm hands on his body. It seemed that people would have to notice. Brittany greeted him as usual with a big hug.

"Mmm," she nuzzled his neck smiling. "Good morning, Sunshine!"

"Good morning, Sparkles!" Their Algebra class, which on an ordinary day would be slow, dragged out to what felt like weeks. Their little game of Sam making commentary to Brittany's doodling was a good distraction, and though his efforts today could at best be described as halfhearted Brittany didn't seem to find it any less amusing than usual.

* * *

Blaine was really trying to concentrate – on the teacher, on whatever class they were in at the moment, on Tina. But his mind was working at a million miles an hour, his thoughts spinning out of control. Postponing talking to Sam until the end of the day didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. He was in no way way less confused now than he'd been this morning. He was trying desperately to sort out the mess in his head. It had not just been a dream, right? No. But sitting here in school it felt a world away. What did it mean? And how could it have even happened? Did Sam...? Was Sam gay? And Blaine hadn't known... How had he not known? He'd always thought... and now... What would happen now? _Sam._ The feeling of Sam's strong arms around him, his warm skin against his own, it was still there. It was everything he wanted. Wait, it was? Wasn't it what he'd always wanted? How fucked up was that? Had he been... All this time? All he knew was that being with Sam had been amazing, by far the best thing he'd ever felt. But how could it even have happened? Sam had made it clear that he didn't want it to. But still it had. And Sad hadn't freaked out about it, actually Blaine was pretty sure he'd really... enjoyed it, and the way he'd acted this morning – he'd been so sweet. But what would all that add up to now? Could it ever possibly be more? And now Sam really seemed to be freaking a bit. He kept looking away, avoiding to meet Blaine's eyes.

* * *

Next period was Spanish – he'd get to see Blaine again. Sam had been a little bummed when he realized that they didn't sit together anymore. He'd sort of forgotten that the way they'd been yesterday – well, they hadn't been close like that for months. Not since summer. Not that he would have known how to sit next to him. As it was Sam was trying not to stare at Blaine – trying not to notice the way his bulky knit sweater only seemed to highlight the fact that all of Sam now knew exactly what was underneath it, or the way the curls at the back of his neck that no amount of hair gel could tame brought the feeling of his soft hair and skin back to his hands. He was trying really hard because just being in the same room he felt his cheeks burn and his heart pound and he didn't know what would happen if he met Blaine's eyes. He'd probably burst into flames. And then people would definitely notice.

* * *

Sam was standing at his locker when Blaine walked up to him. "Hi" Blaine smiled tentatively.

Sam turned to him, smiling, feeling a blush creep up along his neck, "Hi."

"How you doing?"

Sam couldn't not notice the way Blaine was chewing his lower lip. He wasn't sure if Blaine meant to touch him but suddenly he felt a chock ripple through him from where their hands brushed against each other. He yanked his hand away. Because he couldn't do what that touch prompted him to, right? He couldn't take Blaine's hand in his, and pull him close. He couldn't spin them around and push Blaine up against the lockers and just kiss him. And kiss him. So he yanked his hand away before he wouldn't be able to stop himself. "Er, fine. You?"

"Um, good. I have to, um, go to class." Blaine walked away and Sam stood there staring at his hand that was still burning where it had touched Blaine's.

* * *

"I told you the treble clef was a good idea."

Blaine turned his head and looked up at Sam from where he was sitting on the edge of the stage. "Yeah – you did," he smiled back.

"You really are a genius." Sam sat down next to him, though a couple of feet away. "Today was really weird, huh?"

" _So_ weird!" Blaine looked back out over the empty auditorium then down at his knees, "You know, I really don't want to mess things up between us again. I really hate it when we're... when things are weird between us."

"I hate that too. Hey, tell you what – we'll just not let them. We'll not let things get weird again, okay?"

"Okay." He looked up at Sam "You promise?"

"Sure, I promise, silly," Sam smiled and reached out and very gently pushed his shoulder, then letting his hand stay on his upper arm for a second.

The touch sent a thrill through Blaine, but also something peaceful – a warmth. He realized now he'd been longing all day for that touch. He resisted his impulse to lean further into it, and then it was gone. They should talk. Right. But even without Sam touching him he had no idea where to start. "So..."

"Yeah, so... last night," Sam was rubbing the back of his neck, "this morning – that was nice, huh?" He glanced sideways at Blaine.

Blaine nodded – and added, his voice barely carrying, "Yeah."

"So... er, what happens now?"

Blaine kept looking down at his legs dangling over the edge, "I..."

"I mean nothing has to happen, obviously," Sam added quickly.

Did Sam want anything to happen? "Okay..."

"If you don't want it to – I mean, if you don't want it to happen again I'd be cool with that."

"Oh, okay..." But he did! He did want that. Blaine ventured a glance at Sam, he had to know, "And... if I... What if I did?"

"Oh. Yeah, I'd be cool with that too."

"Oh. Right."

"I mean – way more than cool obviously. I guess, but... is that what you – would you want that?"

No words would escape Blaine's lips that were now pressed together, but he nodded emphatically, eyes still fixed on his own knees.

"You would?" Sam looked up at him with the most adorable little smile, but it faded quickly and his gaze was turned back to a point somewhere on the floor beneath them. "Can I ask you something though, B?"

"Yeah, of course. Anything."

"Did it mean anything to you?"

"What?" Blaine breathed. He couldn't believe Sam had asked him that. _Sam_ asked _him_ that. And what could he say? The truth was – well, he couldn't grasp it. It was too huge. And also he didn't know exactly what it meant and he didn't have words to describe it, because... because yesterday Sam had been his straight friend that he was trying so hard not to crush on!

As Blaine scrambled for an answer Sam continued, "I mean, I know that you love Kurt and all, but still..."

Kurt... He did love Kurt. But Sam was... This was... "Of course it meant something, Sam. It was... You... I..."

"Yeah."

It was just one soft little word but Blaine felt it said so much. It told him that he didn't have to break himself trying to explain, because somehow Sam got it.

Sam smiled again, "So you really wanna do it again?"

"Sam, I'm just, I'm really confused. Um. So – um – can I ask you something?"

Sam was chewing his lower lip again, "Sure, what?"

"Okay, this is really weird to ask, I know – but... um, you're not really straight, are you?"

"You're just figuring that out, huh?"

Damn it, that smile. He was so cute! And he really pissed Blaine off. "I'm serious, Sam!" He pulled his leg up and turned so that he was facing Sam, who did the same and was now sitting cross legged opposite him. "What's up with that? Are _you_ just figuring that out or have you been – what – like, lying to me?"

"Lying? What, no? I mean, we... _no_."

Maybe Blaine was oblivious, maybe he was stupid, but he hadn't imagined Sam dating practically every girl in Glee Club, or the things he'd said... "So what about _'not being gay – helping with the straight vote'_? What about us being like Wolverine and Cyclops?"

"Okay, yeah, I guess we're really nothing like Wolverine and Cyclops, huh?" Sam grinned. "Except for the fact that we're both, you know, really hot and you've got that amazing sideburn thing going on – and quite frankly, a bit of a temper... But..."

Blaine couldn't help but to smile at that. But he also couldn't help that he felt cheated. He was probably out of line, but this was such a huge thing. He'd always thought that Sam was straight and if he wasn't then – well... "But don't you think that being gay is something you should let your best friend – y'know, your _gay_ best friend – know?"

"I don't know what you want me to say, Blaine. You're being really intense about this and no – I'm not _out_ or whatever at school. But I didn't lie to you."

"No? How's that?"

"I mean we hooked up and... I figured... But, yeah – we should have talked about that. But it was all so... well you know."

Blaine had thought he knew, but nothing made sense anymore. "No, I _don't_ know, actually! I don't know what happened."

"You, um, you mean...? Um, what happened was... It was amazing. But you were with Kurt and I was leaving and it was..."

"Amazing?"

Sam was smiling fondly at him, "You really don't remember, do you?"

Blaine did remember – at least enough. The intensity of Sam's gaze made Blaine look down a his hands, his fingers idly fiddling with the hem of his jeans. What he did remember clearly though was how he'd felt during that fall, when Sam hadn't talked to him. But that was all so long ago. He'd moved passed that, right? They'd moved passed it. "But still you keep saying you're not gay..."

"Yeah, for the record, I guess technically I'm not gay though, right?"

"Okay wh... Oh." Sure Blaine had been jealous before, even of girls, but this wasn't that exactly, he didn't know what it was, but it made him feel small – inadequate in a whole new way. "Because you still like girls, right? You like Brittany?"

"Well... I like _you,_ Blaine." Sam leaned a little forward and caught Blaine's eyes again with his earnest greens.

And just like that they were once again the only two people in the universe. "I like you too, Sam."

"Really?"

"Yes, really." Blaine's heart was racing, his stomach tingling like crazy. In a way this was even more intense than the way they'd been this morning, the way they'd touched. Still, there was so many things left unspoken between them. "But... what about Brittany?"

"Brittany? What about her?"

"You like her, don't you?"

"Sure I like her – she's awesome, and we're great friends. But we're _just_ friends if that's what you're asking."

"So you really... like me?"

"Yeah! I mean," Sam was looking down at his hands but he kept glancing up at Blaine, "I guess it's sorta obvious that I, y'know, more than like you..."

"Oh." Blaine's head was spinning. Was Sam actually saying what it seemed like he was saying? "So, um... what, do you want?"

"I..." Sam was fidgeting, still alternating looking out over the auditorium and staring at his hands, and in between glancing up at Blaine, "This – I guess. You. Us."

"Oh. Um, okay."

"Okay?"

"I mean – I don't know what I mean. What are we talking about here, Sam? Dating?"

"I don't know B – are we?"

Were they really talking about dating? It was all moving so fast. Too fast. Dating Sam would mean...

"What about Kurt?"

"Kurt?" It would mean giving up on Kurt, giving up on everything he'd thought his life would be. But it would mean getting to be with Sam. Like, for real.

"Yeah, I don't think I can do this if it's just a rebound thing."

"It's not."

"It's not?" Sam looked up at him through blond bangs.

But, how? How it could ever be? So Sam wasn't as straight as he'd thought he was. So maybe he was bi or at least bi-curious, but what had really changed? "But the way you acted in school today, you barely even looked at me..."

Sam was looking at him now, "I wanted nothing more all day than to kiss you again."

Blaine gasped. This was it right? He could just lean in and kiss him. He could just let go. But he didn't. Why didn't he, when this was his actual dream coming true? Why wasn't he able to make himself move? Not even an inch. "But you didn't. You wouldn't even let me touch your hand... Would you be able to handle us _dating_? I mean like in school and stuff."

"School? I don't know. Yes! I would. Maybe we don't have to tell people about it right away though? I mean what would we even tell them?"

"So it would be some secret – thing?"

"Sounds kinda hot doesn't it?"

"Seriously though, would you be ashamed to be with me?" For everything Blaine lacked in confidence, every part of himself he found wanting, being gay was something he thoroughly accepted, perhaps even loved, about himself, something he would never apologize for, not to anyone. He'd been through too much for that – with his dad, with everything.

"No! Of course not, that's not it at all. I mean, It's just sort of new to me, and I never really considered... _coming out_... at school. I guess I didn't feel I had a reason to. And y'know I'm not like you, Blaine..."

"What?"

"I'm not brave like you. I don't know if I could... Not since..." Sam trailed off.

Blaine heard the pain in Sam's voice, this was obviously really hard for him. Why was he even pushing it like this? All trace of anger was gone from his voice and it was soft as he asked, "Since what?"

"Well, since my parents decided to be dicks about it, I guess."

"What? Oh my god, Sammy. I'm so sorry." Blaine instinctively reached out his hand and placed in on Sam's. "You wanna tell me what happened?"

"Well, I tried to talk to them about it. It was back when I was living in Kentucky. I was kinda seeing this guy and I..."

Blaine's heart stopped for a second. Sam's words hitting him like a kick in the gut. What guy?! He was struggling to breathe. There had been other guys? Of course it had! He had just been stupid enough to think that it was he who was so fucking special. There was nothing special about him. He could never hope to be enough for Sam, there was always going to come along someone better, some hotter guy – or girl! – and there was nothing he could do about it.

"... so anyway they think I should just be with a girl."

What the hell was he doing? He wasn't even listening to Sam. He just couldn't get out of his own stupid head. What kind of friend was he? What kind of a shitty, small person was he? _Fuck!_ Blaine didn't know what was happening. He felt the room spinning. He heard himself speak. Like it wasn't him. Like he was watching from a distance. "Maybe you should."

"What?"

"I said maybe you should be with a girl." What the fuck was happening?!

"But, Blaine? What..."

"This was a bad idea, Sam. We should just stay friends."

"Why are you? I thought... So you, you don't...? Is this about the coming out? Because of course I'm gonna come out, I, I just need time and..."

"No, it's not that. I just, I don't want to do anything to risk our friendship."

"Is it... about Kurt? Is it because you're still in love with Kurt?"

"Yea, I guess it is."

Sam didn't say anything more, he just got up and left as the tears that had been welling up in Blaine's eyes spilled over and trickled down his cheeks.

* * *

 _When you were here before  
Couldn't look you in the eye  
You're just like an angel  
Your skin makes me cry_

 _You float like a feather  
In a beautiful world  
I wish I was special  
You're so fucking special  
_

 _But I'm a creep  
_ _I'm a weirdo  
_ _What the hell am I doing here?  
_ _I don't belong here_

* * *

Blaine was finally able to move again. He had no idea how much time had passed, it could have been seconds, or hours. He wasn't sure what had happened, he just felt numb. There was only one thought in his mind. _Sam._ He started running even as he scrambled to his feet, running faster than he'd ever done before, his legs barely carrying him, ever on the verge on tripping over his feet. He ran through empty halls and out onto the parking lot. He got to his car and stopped. Just staring at the empty space beside it. He was gone.

* * *

Sam was lying in his bed, curled up around his pillow, clutching it tight to him – pressing back against the pain raging inside him. So Blaine didn't want to be with him. Well, he'd never thought he did. He hadn't expected anything else. Blaine wanted Kurt and not him, that was just a fact. And he'd known it all along but still it just really, really sucked! It shouldn't be a big deal, right? He was supposed to be able to just have sex with someone and it wouldn't be a big deal. But it wasn't just sex, and it wasn't just someone. It was Blaine. And it was a big deal! It was a huge deal and it fucking hurt! And why the fuck had Blaine said those things... Why had he said all those things if he didn't mean them? Or had he just been stupid? Had he read something into it that wasn't there because he wanted it so much? What the hell was he supposed to do now? How was he supposed to deal with this? How would he ever get away from this pain? But somewhere in his teary mess – even as his heart was being ripped from his chest – he must have fallen asleep because suddenly a knock on his door woke him up.

"Sam? Are you up? We should get going." Finn stuck his head in the door. "Whoa, dude, are you okay?"

"I... I don't know, I had a rough night I guess." Fuck, he'd completely forgotten about Glee practice. He couldn't go. Not today. If ever. But sure as hell not today. "Hey, I'm really sorry, man, I know sectionals is next week but I'm really not feeling well. Would it be cool if I skipped practice just this once?"

"Sure, but you're gonna make up for it on Monday, okay?"

"Yeah. Cool, thanks bro."

"Get some sleep now, man, you really look like shit." Sam picked up his pillow but before he could muster the energy to throw it Finn's head had disappeared and the door closed.

* * *

It was clear now that Sam wasn't just being late, he wasn't going to show up. Was it... because of him? But really, where was he? Was he okay? What if he wasn't! What if – something had happened to him? Oh, god what if something had happened to him! He would have been driving home last night, and he was... upset, right? Fuck! He really should have called him to make sure he was... Fuck!

"Hey, Finn – where's Sam?"

"He was sick, so I told him to stay home and rest."

"Is he okay?"

"Yeah, I guess it's just a cold or something. He'll be back on his feet by Monday – he promised." Finn gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before hollering something to the group that Blaine didn't register.

* * *

The next time Sam woke up it was dark. What time was it? Had he slept all day? He fumbled on his bedside table and found his phone, but he never noticed the time. There was a text. From Blaine.

"Hey. Are you alright?"

 _What the actual fuck!_ He quickly typed his response. _What do you care?!_ … No. No, he wasn't sending that. Sure he was mad. He was so mad. At Blaine. At everything! But he really had no one to blame but himself. Blaine hadn't promised him anything. He knew that – with his mind that is – his mind knew what his heart seemed not to, that touches and kisses weren't promises. But, yeah, he'd promised Blaine something. And he was going to keep that promise. Even though he couldn't be with Blaine the way he wanted, and even though he didn't have the first idea how he was going to be able to handle seeing him, he knew he couldn't lose him – never again. "I'll be fine. C u monday."

* * *

"Hey, Sam. Look, I'm really sorry... If you were, um, … disappointed? I just, I – I think it's probably for the best."

"No, it's... yeah. Don't worry about it, bro. It was... what it was, I guess. I should, um... but see you later, 'kay?"

"Yea." Blaine slumped back against the lockers, the pit in his stomach growing even deeper as Sam walked away.

* * *

Sam did not have a good feeling about the performance. He'd practiced his dance moves, he was confident about that part, he just couldn't psyche himself up into the right mindset. He'd gone through the motions in school, and Puck being back in town had actually proved a nice distraction. And then there was Brittany. He would not have made it through the week if it wasn't for her. He didn't talk to her about it, but he felt like he didn't have to. Like she didn't have to know to do and say just the right things. But now somehow he found himself next to Blaine in the show circle. He was supposed to hold his hand. He couldn't hold Blaine's hand! But it would be too weird if he didn't – everyone would notice, but... Sam felt Blaine's hand slide into his own. He tensed up but willed his hand to stay in Blaine's that was warm and solid and despite everything actually made him feel better.

* * *

God, how he'd missed Kurt! Hearing his voice again after all these weeks was like coming home. He loved Kurt. So much. If he knew one thing that was it. And now he felt that maybe, just maybe there was a chance that they were going to be alright. He was going to be alright.

* * *

Seriously! This was shit! His whole life was shit! Glee Club was gone. And Blaine... And though Burt and Carole were really good to him they were not his family – they we're _Kurt's_. Why was he even still in Lima? Not that he wanted to go back to his parents. He couldn't even think about speaking to them right now – he'd pushed all of that aside for so long, but he just couldn't do that anymore. There had been just one thing left, one thing that was still good and bright. Her. Yes, it might have been the stupidest thing he'd ever done – putting his heart on the line like that again. But still it had been all he could do. And fuck it he'd really thought that Brittany was into him. At least, you know, that she wanted to do him. Which he was totally fine with and also, he guessed, was really all he could ever hope for. And if it hadn't hurt so much he would have actually found it funny how what kept him and Brittany apart was the same fear of what people might think, or say, or do that he'd felt with Blaine. Why the hell should people even care? And why should he care if they did? And if he wasn't frightened by the lesbian blogger community why was he scared of – whoever it was he was scared of – his folks? The football team? But maybe it was for the best, he was probably not fit to commit to her the way she deserved.

* * *

She changed her mind, and everything seemed so simple. She kissed him and she tasted so wonderful of bubblegum and peppermint lip gloss and it was just... Perfect.

Had he lied to Blaine about Britt? Had he had these feelings for her all along? What did it matter anyway? Blaine had chosen Kurt. So why shouldn't he be with her when clearly she made him feel good? He wouldn't run away from Blaine. He would do just what Blaine wanted – let them stay friends.

* * *

 _There's a battle ahead  
_ _Many battles are lost  
_ _But you'll never see the end of the road  
_ _While you're traveling with me_

Sam's heart leaped when he saw Blaine standing at the top of the stairs. He wanted to make sure Blaine knew that he was really going to be fine with being just friends. He'd lost count now – how many times had he ensured himself that he could be fine with that? But he just kind of knew that he had to pull it off this time. And maybe Blaine was right, maybe it was better like this. Easier. Blaine smiled back at him – that amazing smile – as they sung together again and the first snow was falling. It was supposed to be easier, right? And it would have been if it just wasn't so fucking hard.

 _Hey now, hey now  
Don't dream it's over  
Hey now, hey now  
When the world comes in  
They come, they come  
To build a wall between us  
We know they won't win  
_


	18. This Is The New Year

Being with Brittany was so amazing. In her whimsical magical world everything was good and anything was possible. Well, there was that and then there was the sex. Yes, being with her was being in a dream, sometimes it was a very hot and wet dream and sometimes a sparkling cotton-candy type of dream. It seemed to Sam like the rest of the world didn't matter, like he didn't care as long as he was with her. The apocalypse could not have come at a better time.

* * *

December 22. The world was still around. Sam guessed there was no way around it anymore. He stared at the text one last time before sending it.

"I'm not coming home for xmas."

Just as he had expected his phone went off just moments later. He let it go to voice mail. It rang again. He took a deep breath before picking it up.

"Yeah?"

"Sam... honey? What's going on?" Mary didn't sound mad. She sounded worried.

"I'm not coming home for Christmas."

"Sam, that's crazy. Thanksgiving was one thing, but this is Christmas."

"I know it's Christmas, mom."

"I don't understand. What's going on with you? You don't pick up your phone, you never call and now this. What's this about?"

"Okay I'm mad at you. There. I said it!"

"Okay. That's fine. What are you mad about?"

"I'm mad because you suck. You weren't supposed to suck, but you did, and now everything sucks."

"Sam!" she was quiet for a moment and when she spoke again the sudden harshness had left her voice. "I'm sorry – I'm sorry you feel that way. But whatever this is we can work it out, okay? Please come home and we'll talk about it."

"No, I don't want to."

"How 'bout if I came to you? I'll drive up there first thing tomorrow morning. And then we can talk if you want. Would that be okay with you?"

"I guess..."

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, sweetheart."

"Yeah."

…

It was well before 10 am and Sam was still in bed when the Hudson-Hummel doorbell rang. He got up and put some pants and an old tee shirt on while Carole brought his mom upstairs. There was a soft knock on the door.

"Sam? Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"Can I give you a hug?"

Sam nodded. Mary wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him in tight. Sam buried his face in her neck. He wanted to be five years old again, just a little boy who'd hurt his knee and could crawl up in her lap. And she would put on a band-aid, kiss it and make it all better. But he wasn't five years old anymore and nothing could make it better. Still he clung tight to her and _Damn it!_ now he was crying. And he actually felt a little better.

"You know I'm still mad at you," Sam sniffled into her hair.

"I know," Mary nodded as she broke the hug to look him in the eye, "you wanna tell me why?"

"No. And it makes me even madder that I can't talk to you about it."

"What are you talking about, of course you can."

"No, because you think it's wrong that I feel this way and you probably think I deserve this, and..." Sam sat down heavily on his bed.

"Hey, honey calm down," Mary sat down beside him and put her arm around his shoulders. "You never ever deserve to be unhappy. Will you tell me what's going on with you?"

Sam moved back a bit and turned towards her. "I don't know... Well, yeah, you know, I'm with Brittany now, I mean we're dating. And she's a girl, as you know. I guess you don't know that we got married and – "

"What? Sam – "

"No, it's okay mom, let me finish – yeah, so anyway, then the apocalypse didn't happen or whatever and it didn't count, so I don't know if we'll ever get married again. I mean, I have no idea what will happen with us in the future. But it wont change anything. You know?"

"So you're not married?"

"No, but that's not the point!" Sam stood up again. "The point is... " _Fuck_ , this was harder than he'd thought.

"It's okay."

Sam was silent for a minute or two, pacing the floor, searching his brain for what to say. "Okay, here's the thing..." he took a deep breath before he continued. "You know mom, what you said – the way you acted – when I told you – y'know – about... Josh. I know we never really talked about it since, but you really made me feel like shit. You made me doubt everything! You could have supported me. I could have..." yeah, what exactly?

"I know, honey..."

"No! No, you don't know! The point is _you_ don't get to decide! You don't get to decide who I'm with. Hell, _I_ don't even get to decide so why should you? You don't know anything! You don't get it. You don't get that it hurts. More than anything. He doesn't want to be with me. I'm just a huge coward and he doesn't want to be with me."

"I'm so sorry, Sam." Now Mary was the one to take a deep breath before continuing. "You're right. We were wrong."

"Really?"

"I had never really thought about it before, and it kind of scared me. I hadn't thought about it because I'd never had to and when I did – when _we_ did, we didn't know how to."

"But why didn't you say anything?"

"Thing is, I think I only realized this just now. I think I've kind of imagined it was something you were going through – a phase perhaps. And then you didn't bring it up again either, so I – we just assumed it was gone, I guess."

"You hoped, you mean?"

"I'm sorry, I know we've been – I've been really bad with this."

Sam sat down on the bed again and turned towards her. "You know mom, Brittany is...she's bi... too. And she's so cool about it and I guess I think that's the way I would want to be. And I'm kinda starting to get there but I think I sort of just... I really need you guys to be cool with that."

"We are – we will be."

"Dad too?"

"To be honest I don't know how he feels about it now, we haven't talked about it in a long time. But it's going to be alright, I promise. He loves you so much, y'know. We both do."

"Mom, don't cry."

"It's gonna be alright, Sam." Mary reached out for his hand and held it in both of hers. "This isn't about your father and me, this is about you. All we really want is for you to be happy."

"Yeah, me too, I guess," despite himself Sam gave her a crooked smile, and she smiled her warm one back.

"Do you want to tell me about this boy? Does he have a name?"

"Um... it's Blaine."

"Oh." There was a few seconds of silence before she asked, "Does he know how you feel?"

"Yes! Well, yes we talked, and he... I didn't expect anything else."

"I'm really sorry, honey." She stroked his hand. "Can I ask you one thing though?"

Sam shrugged, "I guess."

"What about Brittany? Do you think you should be together with her if you're really... in love..." Mary studied his face, "with someone else?"

Sam squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and took a deep breath before he could answer. "The thing with Britt is that she gets me – and I think that I get her. We make each other happy."

* * *

Blaine scrolled through the conversation he'd had with Sam over the last few days. From when Sam had finally answered his desperate "Please be alive" text, to Sam's intricate explanations of how the world was supposed to have ended, that made sense in a very Sam way, and how of course one couldn't be expected to go to school at a time like that, to the final one from today. "It's snowing!" Blaine smiled at his vision of three blond kids – one very much taller than the others – tumbling down a hill in their sleds, screaming with laughter, wrestling in the snow. It was early on Christmas morning and Blaine couldn't sleep. Tonight hadn't gone at all as he'd expected. Hanging out with Kurt had been fun and easy, they'd had a great time; he was lying on the couch in the living-room partition of Kurt and Rachel's apartment – he was right where he'd wanted to be. But his mind was hundreds of miles away. He hadn't seen Sam for almost a week. And now with himself, Sam and Sam's girlfriend all in different states he found he wasn't able to stop thinking about him. The thought of Sam peacefully asleep under his Star Wars covers made him smile. Blaine closed his eyes. Sam, his smile – that beautiful gorgeous smile, the feeling of it against his lips... It sent a flush of heat through him but it made his heart ache. How had he ended up here? So far away from the one he loved. Because he did – he couldn't hide that from himself anymore. But he had been right – it had been what, a week? – two? – before Sam and Brittany were officially an item. So he had been right, hadn't he? Then again that wasn't even it. He hadn't said the smallest fraction of what he'd wanted to say to Sam that night. And he hadn't been able to fix it – because there was nothing else he _could_ have said. And it was still there. Everything he'd felt back in the auditorium. When he'd wanted nothing more than to kiss Sam, but felt like he might die if he did. There was a little light flashing green in the darkness.

"Merry xmas B!"

"Merry xmas Sam :)"

* * *

"When are you coming back?"

"I guess I'll be back for school."

"You won't be here for New Year's?"

"No, I know. I just, I was able to get a lot of shifts at DQ and I really need that... and it's actually really nice to be here."

"Yeah? That's good. You really miss them, huh?"

"Yeah. I mean, I never really thought of this place like home before, but now for the first time it kind of feels like it. And yeah, being away from Stevie and Stacey is killing me – it's like every time I see them they've grown a couple inches."

"I'm sorry, Sam. You gave up so much to come back, leaving your family for Glee Club, and now that's gone..."

"It's not gone. I didn't come back to win a competition, I came back 'cause I couldn't stand being away. I belong at McKinley, in Lima – with you guys."

"So you're really coming back?"

"Of course I'm coming back! It's just a week, Blaine, not even that. I'm working New Year's Eve, but then I'll come home. Okay? Oh! What are you doing for New Year's?"

"I'm... Um, my parents are going away, y'know on some cruise in the Bahamas or whatever."

"What? So you'll be alone for New Year's?"

"Well, no, I guess not. I –"

"Are you gonna have a party?"

"I, yeah, maybe?"

"I hate that I'll miss your awesome party!"

"It's not really going to be awesome if you're not there though. Then it's just like me and Tina and Artie."

"Hey, I should try to get there!"

"Really?"

"I'll talk to mom and dad about it."

There was quite a long pause. Blaine could practically hear Sam gathering himself up to say something, or maybe it was just that he new that Sam was never quiet without good reason.

"Hey, B? You haven't told me about Christmas – did you have a good time? Um, are you and Kurt back together or...?"

"No. No, we're not... not at all actually."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. It's... I don't... Hm, It's okay. It's good, I think."

"Oh."

"It was like, we could be friends again. And that was kinda great."

"That's, um. Good. That's good."

"Yeah."

"So... I'll check with my parents about New Year's and talk to you later?"

"Yeah."

Was he going to have a New Year's Eve party? He'd been thinking to have Tina and perhaps Artie over, but yeah, why shouldn't he have a proper party or you know at least one for the Glee Club.

* * *

"Why aren't you here?"

"Blaine, I'm at work. And you know why."

"But I miss you!"

"Yeah, I wish I could have come."

"Me too!"

"So who's there?"

"Oh, y'know, the usual suspects. Puck is here! And Finn! And some kids I don't really know. Kitty brought like a bunch of people."

"Cheerleaders, huh?"

"Yeah, but guys too! Y'know, Sam, I think I'm drunk. Oh, hey Nate! There's Nate! Nate, say hi to Sam!"

"Um, Blaine? My break's over. I'll call you when I get off, okay? Take it easy, okay B."

"Okay."

Nate studied him as he put his phone away. "So, Sam – is he your boyfriend?"

"Uh, what? Um... no."

"Okay," he smiled. Blaine was fuzzy and warm inside. "So... this is a really cool party, Blaine."

"Um, thanks." Nate's gaze was firm and for a moment Blaine was lost in his dark eyes. "Hey, let's go find drinks!"

Though Blaine might have wished that his first kiss in the new year would be with someone other than a stranger – albeit a handsome one – with every drink and every dance, with every touch and every kiss Nate felt less like one. "It's twenty-freakin'-thirteen and it's gonna be the best year ever!" Dancing, surrounded by friends, making out with a gorgeous guy, he was happy. And he never noticed his phone buzzing in his pocket.

* * *

It was closer to two in the morning when Sam pulled into the Anderson driveway, but the house was lit and he heard music and laughter from inside. He passed by a couple of people he didn't recognize in the hallway.

"Babe!" Brittany had spotted him across the living-room dance-floor and was skipping towards him.

"Hey, babe! Mm, I've missed you," he mumbled against her lips. Then he saw Blaine. He was dancing, lost in himself, in the music. _God damn it!_ Being away from Brittany for over a week after the time they'd had as a married couple – well, it had only been four days but they had been really intense four days – he wasn't surprised that just kissing her again did things to him, but it was like it was nothing to what he felt seeing Blaine like that. He was sweaty, which made his curls come out, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted and the way he moved – he was just so... some guy's hands were on his hips! The touch apparently brought Blaine back to the dance floor and he caught sight of Sam.

"Sam!?" Blaine was already running to him. "Oh my god, Sam!" Beaming he threw his arms around Sam's neck.

Blaine was in his arms, standing on his tiptoes, just laughing as Sam hugged him tight. And there was no trace in his heart of whatever sting of jealousy he'd felt before. He was just happy. So happy.

"What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't miss your awesome party," Sam smiled.

"Well, it is now! Let's go get you a beer! Oh, and shots."

Now Sam was laughing too, "Yes!"

"Wait! Did you drive here all alone in the middle of the night?"

"Yeah," Sam shrugged, "so I really really need a beer now." Sam slung his arm around Blaine's shoulder and slowly they made their way to the kitchen.

"What happened, did you run away?"

"No, though I would have, but they changed their minds or something like that. I think they realized I'm almost an adult."

"Yeah, you are!"

"And so it doesn't make sense for them to not let me go."

"Obviously."

"Because if they hadn't I'd totally run away."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, of course!"

* * *

"So, it's finally time for your Christmas present!"

Sam opened the little box, his eyes widened with excitement and he beamed at Blaine, "Is this – is this what I think it is?"

Blaine looked back at him with a wide smile and nodded eagerly.

"Let's go!" Sam tugged at Blaine's sleeve as he got up and sprinted off.

"Sam, wait!" Blaine laughed. "Are you gonna run there?"

"Oh, er, yeah, we should drive back in to town at least, right?" Inside the box was a small key – the kind that opened those little storage boxes down at the train station.

…

"Here it is! 107."

Blaine was excited too, it didn't matter that he knew exactly was was in the locker because Sam's enthusiasm pulled him in and it was almost like he was seeing it with Sam's eyes now.

"Ooh! There's something in here!" Sam produced a small piece of paper with ripped and partly burned edges. Running across it was a dashed line and in the middle there was a sketch. "Whoa, dude! This is so cool! Look! There's you! And that's me and that's my bike and" Sam started to laugh "and there's that little dog and he" Blaine was laughing too now "and he wouldn't stop chasing us and we crashed... into... the... hedge!" There was a few minutes until they were able to stop laughing at that and Sam had caught his breath enough to speak only to start again. "And you had little twigs stuck in your hair for the rest of the day. Oh! Wait! So that's where we're going, right?"

"You figured it all out," Blaine smiled.

* * *

Sam was searching the hedge, he figured he had a pretty good idea which was the correct part. "So," he thought out loud "where would a proper pirate hide it?"

"Oh, right!" He could still clearly remember the feeling of Blaine's hands holding on to his waist, "We were just inches from getting ourselves killed hitting that lamppost," and the brief moment of fear before he realized they were both okay. Slowly Sam turned his head up, big downy snowflakes got caught on his lashes and there – at least four feet above his head – was something tied to the post.

"Hold on, you're gonna need these," Blaine handed him his mittens. "You think you can do it or do you want a hand?" Blaine teased.

"I can do it!" Sam snapped in mock offense. He grabbed onto the post and hauled himself up. The snow was making his shoes slip against the metal but his jeans at least provided enough friction for him to keep from sliding down again. He had to rely on the strength in his arms to yank himself further up. He grabbed the small item and dropped back on the ground.

"Yes!" he panted. "Wow! How did you even get that up there?"

"Well, it wasn't snowing yesterday so that made it easier..." Was he blushing? No, it was probably just from the cold.

Sam hurriedly removed the mittens and unscrewed the cap of the little bottle. Rolled up inside was as expected another piece of the torn up treasure map.

"It's Cap! No wait, is it me as the Cap? That's awesome!" Sam fell silent and stared at the paper for a moment. "I don't get it."

"Yes, you do..." Blaine said reassuringly.

"So... why aren't you in the picture..? Bucky!"

"Yes!"

"He was so happy that you were alive – and I was too – and he was licking your face..." – _and I wasn't –_ "and we realized he didn't have his human so we had to help him get home, right?" Blaine was all smiles and nodding his head. "... and it turned out that he'd run like across the street from," Sam turned around and looked up the street, "just up there, that little book shop, right!"

…

"This is seriously one of my favorite places... Oh, there he is! Bucky, bud, how you doing?"

"You know, his name isn't really Bucky..." Sam didn't hear the bookstore lady he was busy getting reacquainted with his furry little friend.

…

"Oh, the little me-dude is blushing, right?" Sam chuckled, "and the you-dude is too. Wait, what's that?"

"Okay, yeah, I know it should have been you to draw these..."

"No, they're brilliant! I just don't... Oh! Yeah, that was embarrassing. I was kinda hoping that you'd forgotten about that."

Blaine smiled, that warm smile that went right into Sam's heart. "No, I could never forget that. It was the best gift I've ever gotten."

"You still got it?"

"Yes, of course! It's in my wallet. Always. Best friends forever, right?"

"Right."

"And you?"

"Yeah... I don't have it on me though." He looked into Blaine's eyes and felt that familiar tug at his heart. "I..."

Blaine broke eye contact. "Shall we go, then?" he asked with a cheerful smile and a clap on Sam's upper arm.

"Yes! This is hands down the best Christmas gift ever, B."


	19. I Only Have Eyes For You

**A/N: I just want to say I love you for still reading. And I'm really, really sorry it took so long. I promise it won't be anywhere near three months until the next chapter.**

* * *

When Blaine spotted Sam entering the cafeteria with Brittany he just wanted to get up and leave. He was already in a bad mood, he didn't need this too. The whole school was buzzing about the Sadie Hawkins dance, and so of course Artie and he as well. Blaine didn't like the idea of the dance but he was already weary of his own boring monologue. He really couldn't stand himself sometimes! Though these last few weeks he'd found that happened less and less. Well, of course he wouldn't leave. Seeing Sam was always a good thing, and he'd accepted that Sam was with Brittany now – it was actually kind of a good thing – still it seemed he was never really prepared for seeing them like this. She was laughing, and Sam beamed at her as he draped an arm around her shoulders, kissing her cheek. Artie waved them over.

"So how excited are you guys about Sadie Hawkins?" Brittany asked cheerfully as she plopped down on the chair next to Artie. "You think you'll get asked?"

Sam was still standing, "Man, I hope so, I'd be so bummed if no one asked me," he sighed, earning himself a glower from Artie.

"We were just talking about it actually," Artie started to explain as Sam made his way around the table, "and I'm not saying I wouldn't wanna go if someone were to ask me – but Blaine actually has a point..."

Artie's recounting of his speech about antiquated gender norms and whatnot faded into background noise and Blaine's heart sped up as Sam put his strong, warm hands on his shoulders. "Hey man," he smiled as Blaine looked up at him before pulling out a chair, sitting down next to him.

Blaine snapped out of his warm fuzzy state when Brittany addressed him "Y'know Blaine," she said in her usual lovable manner, "if there's a boy that you'd like to ask to the dance I bet no one would mind."

"That's not..."

"Yeah, it's not like it would be considered 'breaking the rules' or whatever," Artie added helpfully.

While Blaine was still wrapping his head around the awkward turn of the conversation Sam looked from Brittany to Blaine and back to Brittany. "What boy? There's no boy," he told her, but added quickly "Well there could be one obviously, I mean Blaine could probably date like any dude he wanted, I'm just saying if there was a guy we'd know about it. Right Blaine?"

Blaine felt his cheeks burn under their demanding stares.

"Hey, what about the guy from New Year's?" Artie asked.

"Oh, yeah, he was hot! And he was all over you." Brittany chirped.

"Blaine is not seeing Hot New Year's Guy. You're not, right?"

"No, I'm not. But thanks guys," Blaine mumbled as he got up and left.

* * *

Blaine was sitting on the edge of the couch leaning closer to the TV, from where Sam was in the corner, his left leg pulled up on the seat he could just make out the side of his face. Times like these were the hardest. When they were outside or with other people around he could let himself be distracted – he was easily distracted, he guessed. And this was a really cool episode – with Starbuck and the raider, and Sam was so excited about rewatching Battlestar Galactica with Blaine. Maybe even more since it was Blaine's first time. At first it was really weird when he found out, mostly because how did he not know that? What else about Blaine didn't he know? The thought was scary and exhilarating and made him want to never stop finding out new things about Blaine. Still Sam wasn't really watching, he was just kind of lost in his thoughts, wishing that Blaine would lean back against him. He'd fold his arms around him and... and just hold him, he guessed. They were just friends. And Sam shouldn't have a problem with that, and he didn't, it was all just sort of confusing. And to be frank always trying to keep his thoughts and his hands in check was kind of exhausting. He loved Brittany, he really did. It wasn't the same though. Sometimes he wondered if it was this confusing for her too. It sure didn't seem like it. He knew she still had feelings for Santana but that didn't make what they had smaller or any less real. And this was the same, right? But yeah, he shouldn't have a problem with being friends with Blaine because it was really the best thing. He always felt better with Blaine around. Well not just better, awesome – but a bit awkward. Because no matter how hard he tried he could not ignore the way each time they touched his skin would light up like fire or the way he sometimes couldn't stop himself from staring at Blaine. Like now. He was biting his bottom lip in concentration and his lips were just so perfect and they looked so soft and all Sam wanted was to kiss him. Well, no that sure wasn't all he wanted but it was a start. And yeah, he was with Brittany now but what if he never got to kiss those lips again, what would happen then?

"Oh frak, that's so cool!" Blaine turned to him. "Are you even watching, Sam?"

"Um, sorta." Just as Blaine was turning back to the screen Sam added "Hey, B?"

"Yeah?"

"I just... um... Will you come sit here with me?"

Blaine smiled, his wide warm one, and settled back against Sam's chest.

"She's so badass! ' _Bite me and I'll bite you back.'_ "

* * *

Telling Tina was such a relief, like a huge weight had fallen off his shoulders. He couldn't tell her everything but he could tell her how he felt and that was better than he'd ever expected. He was suddenly not some creep, all alone with this big dark secret. He was a normal teenager with a normal crush.

"And then there are those lips..."

"Those lips! Yes, those lips! And when he does all those impressions?"

Talking about all the little things he did, about how completely adorable and awesome and sexy he was, and it was the most natural thing. He'd never had that with anyone before. And it was so wonderful. She was so wonderful.

* * *

"Babe?"

"Mm?"

"Are you asleep?"

"Mm."

This was actually one of the best parts – when he'd fallen asleep curled up around her and she would wake him up so gently. Sometimes because it was time for him to go home but sometimes because they still had a bit more time before he had to. He was really the luckiest guy ever to have a girlfriend like her.

"Can you tell me about him?"

"Hm?"

"You never talk about what you guys do."

Sam was almost fully awake by now, still he had no idea what she was talking about."Who?"

"Blaine of course," she smiled.

Sam's heart skipped a beat at her mentioning his name. "You woke me up to talk about – Blaine?" he asked incredulously.

"Yeah," she watched him intently, her fingers slowly tracing patterns over his chest.

"Er, okay. What do you want to know?"

"Well, what do you guys do together?" She let her fingertip circle his nipple. His body reacted to her touch but he wasn't entirely comfortable with the strange mix of her subtle seduction and the topic of conversation – thinking about Blaine was something he usually tried his best to avoid when he was in bed with Brittany.

Sam shrugged "Y'know hang out. Sometimes we watch movies, he helps me study a lot..."

"No," she giggled, "not those things. I wanna know about the sexy stuff."

"What?"

"Like, does he get to put his dick in your mouth? Oh! Or in your butt?"

"Brittany! What the hell?!" Sam sat up straight and pulled the cover to his crotch. He was definitely awake and definitely not comfortable.

"What?" she asked lightly, "Those are for sure things I'd wanna do if I had one."

"No. _Why_ would you ask me that?"

"Y'know it's really fine if you don't wanna tell. I just thought it would be hot if you did."

"But... hhm." Sam struggled to make his brain remember how to form actual words, this was just too weird "I think I need to go home."

* * *

Blaine really couldn't concentrate on his reading. Sam kept looking up at him from where he was sprawled on the floor in a mess of papers and books. He was giving off a nervous kind of energy that wasn't just his usual homework induced restlessness.

"What?" Blaine asked with a small chuckle, turning on his side.

"It's a funny thing really," Sam sat up, though he didn't meet Blaine's eye, "but I'm not sure I should tell you."

"Come on," What was this? Sam was acting so strange about it and Blaine couldn't really read him at all, "what is it?"

"It's about Brittany and I just found out and it's a bit weird."

"Oh. Then maybe you shouldn't tell me. Do I even want to know?" Blaine ventured a small smile just to try and take the edge off the tense situation.

Sam was picking at the threads of the carpet. "Well, it's kind of about you too."

"Okay that _is_ weird, but now you really have to tell me."

Finally Sam looked at him again, "She thinks we're doing it."

There was really only one way Blaine could interpret that, but he knew Sam often accidentally made the most innocent stuff sound dirty – or maybe that was just to him? Anyway, he probably meant to say something else "Um?"

"I mean, you and me, that we're y'know – doing... _it_."

"Oh. Why?" As Sam contemplated his answer Blaine could have sworn he saw him blush just a tiny bit so he hurried to clarify, "Why does she think that?"

"Oh, yeah, I don't know really," he shrugged. "Basically I think she just likes to assume that people are doing it a lot."

"Okay." Was this about her not wanting Sam to see him as much – or at all? Oh, fuck that's what it was. "Um, it shouldn't be a problem though, you just tell her we're not, right?"

"Yeah," Sam rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the floor again, "but um, she already doesn't have a problem with it."

"Hm?"

"I don't know how to explain, it's sort of complicated. Or _not_ complicated actually."

"She doesn't have a problem with you – us... I mean, um, with you being with other people?"

"Something like that, yeah."

"Oh. So... are you?"

"What?"

"Y'know the, um, other people."

Sam chuckled a bit at this and flashed him a smile "You know we're not."

"Yeah, I know that, I meant other other people."

"Oh. No! Of course not. Whoa..."

* * *

As he stepped outside the cold February night hit Sam like a punch in the face. He leaned back against the wall and breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. As the air filled his lungs he felt his feverish mind cooling off. He'd tried to just relax and have a good time, but all he could think about was Blaine. And their plans for the night. Of course somewhere in the back of his mind he knew a sleepover would be absolutely excruciating. It had probably been a bad idea from the start – but when he'd suggested it had just made sense to give them an early start tomorrow. Anyway it wasn't a big deal. He just couldn't help imagining Blaine in his bed, imagine holding him, running his hand along his side, having him close. God, he was so beautiful, and he was in there right now – center of the party without even knowing it. Dancing and laughing and making Sam's heart beat so hard with every glance he threw his way. The door next to him flung open. Blaine appeared, his cheeks a bit flushed, his hair gloriously ruffled.

"I found you!" he touched Sam's chest lightly, beaming at him.

"Yeah, you did!" Sam chuckled.

"Whoa! It's freezing, let's go back inside!"

"Yeah, I'll be right in. I just wanna cool down for a minute more, it was kinda hot in there."

"I'd keep you company but it's really _fucking_ cold," the way he said it Sam couldn't help his eyes from dropping to his lips.

"C'mere." Sam held out his arms, hands still in the pockets of his unzipped hoodie. Blaine moved in close snaking both arms around Sam's waist. As Sam wrapped the sweater around him, he snuggled in against Sam's neck. "You enjoying the party, B?"

"Yeah, it's great! Tina's so great! And not only because of the party. She really deserved it. The win I mean."

"Yeah, she really did. Can I tell you a secret though? And you can't tell anyone. Well, not Tina at least."

"Hm, I don't know, Sam, that might be tough..."

"Hey, come on, do you want to know or not?"

Blaine lifted his head to look up at him, his eyes a warm brown in the soft glow of the porch light. His whole face lit with eager anticipation. "Of course I do! Tell me!" he laughed. "I swear I won't tell a soul. Not ever."

"Good!" Sam chuckled. "Okay, I know Tina's amazing and everything but I think you should have won Diva week. Your _Don't stop me_ was so awesome!"

"Yeah?" Blaine's eyes were if possible even wider now and as he looked right into Sam's his smile faded.

"Yeah," Sam breathed and before he knew it he blurted out the other thing he was thinking, that thing he hadn't been able to stop thinking all week, "and you were so hot."

Blaine swallowed. Sam felt Blaine's chest heaving against his and heard his own heart beating loud. Blaine's fingers curled slightly on his back gripping his tee shirt, giving him the smallest nudge forward and the next moment he was kissing Blaine. His lips were a bit numb from the cold and the kiss was clumsy. But Blaine was kissing him back pressing against him and it felt nothing short of perfect. He was so done with holding this back, so ready to give it all he got. For a moment he had the urge to just flip him over and fuck him right here up against this wall. But then of course that wasn't the way he'd want it to happen between them. And besides what were they even doing kissing out here? Anyone could walk out and... "Blaine..." he grabbed Blaine's shoulders and gently inched them apart while he didn't really stop kissing him. "We shouldn't..."

"I'm sorry, Sam."

"No! No, no, no, don't say that! Please, don't be sorry. I'm so fucking far from sorry right now it's not even funny."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Blaine looked down, a wide smile spreading on his face, "Me too."

"Let's go back inside!"


	20. The Way You Move Ain't Fair, You Know

When Blaine woke up there was only the warmth of Sam's body against his own. Sam's perfectly muscled smooth chest heaving slightly under his hand. The hotness of Sam's thigh on his were their legs were entwined.

Sam hummed softly and shifted slightly against him. Blaine's body too drowsy with sleep to listen to his commands instinctively pushed back. Sam opened his eyes slowly, blinking a few times. "Hey, there." A small smile graced his beautiful lips as he let his fingers trace the line of Blaine's jaw. Thumb stroking over his cheek before he leaned in to kiss him, sweetly almost gently at first. But the kiss quickly gained fervor and soon Blaine's head was spinning as Sam pushed against him, rolling him onto his back, kissing him relentlessly. He kissed back with the same urgency, pulling him in closer and still not nearly close enough. He wanted, needed Sam just as desperately now as he had last night.

Sam broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Blaine's, panting slightly, "What are we doing?"

"I don't know," Blaine breathed.

Sam was still mostly on top of him supporting his weight on one arm. His other hand stroking Blaine's side as he asked, "Is this crazy?"

Of course it was crazy, and stupid and perhaps even wrong – but how could any of that matter when Sam was touching him like this? "Yeah," Blaine answered in a whisper as his mouth found Sam's again, and his hands worked into Sam's tangled dark blond hair.

Sam's kisses trailed over his face and he spoke slowly into the sensitive spot just below Blaine's ear, "But it's nice, right?"

"Yeah. So. Nice."

"Hey," Sam pushed himself up a bit again and and looked at Blaine for a moment before dropping his head with a small sigh, "I know we tried talking about it, y'know... before – and it was... Well, it was shit." He lay down beside him before he continued, "So I don't know maybe we shouldn't do that... But still I kinda need to ask you just one thing."

Blaine felt a lump forming in his throat. Sam was right, nothing good could come from this, talking about it like that would ruin it. But of course if Sam wanted to talk he'd try. So he willed himself to sound light as he answered, "Sure," and turned on his side propping his head up on his elbow.

"Did you..." Sam lifted his gaze and for a moment he met Blaine's eyes.

It was almost painful, the look in his eyes, so beautiful, and... Blaine didn't know what it was, he couldn't really think straight and just concentrated on hearing Sam over the buzzing in his head.

"Did you, like, change your mind or anything? I mean it's cool if you didn't, if this is just y'know a bro-thing or whatever, I just... Well, anyway... So?"

"Sam... I -," Blaine looked down as he breathed in deeply, trying to get himself together. "You have a girlfriend, right? I mean, you still have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah..."

"Yeah, so it's not really about that, is it? It's not that simple. Brittany is your girlfriend and I'm just – your best friend?"

"Well, you're not _just_ my best friend." Sam was smiling at him now, leaning in a bit closer again as he spoke, "You're my super awesome, insanely hot best friend."

Blaine drew a sharp breath at Sam's words but then he chuckled lightly, relieved that the seriousness of the moment seemed to have passed. "Okay, well then maybe it's that simple?" He mirrored Sam's movement, slowly closing the distance between them.

"Maybe it is."

And it really felt like it was as Sam kissed him again, their bodies flush together. The feeling of Sam's body close to his was in a way so familiar – it always made him feel safe and calm. But like this – God, he could never get enough of this. Sam's lips on his neck, on his collarbone, hot and soft and perfect. Sam laced kisses down across his chest. Stopping to flick his tongue over a nipple, gently sucking it, making Blaine gasp and writhe under him. And suddenly Blaine was overpowered by his self-consciousness. "Sam, wait," he pushed himself up on his elbows.

Sam looked up at him, "You're not leaving, are you?"

"No, of course not," Blaine smiled, "We have plans, remember?"

Sam's eyes lit up again, "So you're still up for Star Wars Day, then?"

"Hmm, let's see. Am I up for spending the next eleven hours watching the most awesome epic space-fantasy of all time, here, in this bed, with you? Yeah, that's a yes."

Sam laughed. He reached out and grabbed the back of Blaine's neck and kissed him. How was it possible that anything could feel this good? That every kiss had him dizzy and tingling all over and wishing it would never end. But it did, Sam stopped and looked up at him again.

"So what's the problem?"

"What problem? There's no problem, right?"

"But you said _'Wait'_ and stuff?"

"Oh, yeah, I was thinking I just really need a shower."

"What," Sam flashed him a wicked smile, "'cause you're covered in my jizz?" He placed a light kiss on his stomach.

Blaine giggled as he gently pushed Sam away, "Well if it was only _your_ jizz I might be okay with it, but y'know..."

...

Blaine stepped back into Sam's room wearing clean underwear, a clean white undershirt and his plaid pajama pants that he'd decided to put on after a brief debate with himself – the jacket he'd left in his overnight bag without questioning. He smiled at the sight of the rumpled bed. He was humming to himself, straightening out the covers when the door opened. There was Sam, blond hair falling into his eyes, the most beautiful smile on his face – carrying an overfull tray. _God, I love you!_ And the smell of it. It did nothing to wake him out of his fairy tale dream.

"You made coffee? You're the best, Sammy!"

"Sorta, I wasn't sure... you really should try it before you say anything."

"Alright," Blaine took a sip of the hot beverage and couldn't help to let out a small burst of laughter, "That is _strong_!"

"I messed it up, didn't I?"

"No, I really love it! This is amazing, Sam." Blaine wrapped his arm around Sam's waist and hugged him, snuggling in close.

"Wow, you smell so good..."

* * *

The sky was ablaze with all the colors of the breaking dawn, the ground glistened under Sam's feet keeping time with the beat of the music. He relished the feeling of flying, that nothing could hold him down. The music was interrupted by an incoming call. He slowed down to walking as he answered. "Y'ello?"

"Sam? It's me."

Sam smiled at the sound of Blaine's voice. "Hey, man! What's up?"

"I was thinking to take you to breakfast... since this is the first week you go live with the non-workout Tuesday mornings, but..."

"Awesome! I'm on my way back now, I'll be ready to go in twenty."

"Okay, see you then."

* * *

Blaine wasn't expecting to see Sam like this, though he should probably have guessed that he'd need more than twenty minutes to get home, shower _and_ get dressed. "You're not, um, done..." he stepped slowly inside, pulling the door shut behind him without taking his eyes off Sam who was wearing only a towel wrapped around his hips.

"No, I guess not," Sam replied with a wry smile glancing down over his mostly naked body. When he looked up at Blaine again he wasn't smiling but just held Blaine's stare. "Are you mad?"

Of course even with all the things Blaine felt in that moment anger wasn't one of them. He felt his stomach jolting, his heart beating, his mouth drying up. But he managed a very serious and surprisingly husky, "Yeah."

Sam took a step closer, his fingers graced the back of Blaine's hand and Blaine's fingers arched back brushing gently against his palm, he was so close that Blaine could feel the whisper on his lips, "Yeah?"

Blaine let out a shaky breath and nodded ever so slightly. Sam's loose hold on his hand tightened and he pulled Blaine towards him. He hadn't planned for this to happen again. In fact he'd planned the exact opposite – to not let it happen again. No matter how much Sam had assured him that it was alright he still felt guilty about it, but most of all there was the pain, the emptiness it left him with when Sam was gone – when he was with her. But the way he felt in this moment, there was no part of him that wanted to fight it. He closed his eyes and let Sam kiss him, kiss him like the two of them was everything in the world, like all that mattered was this kiss.

"Thank you," Sam mumbled against his lips.

"For what?"

Sam pulled away just enough to look at him, lacing their fingers together as he spoke, "Y'know for looking out for me. And I know you don't agree that running doesn't really count and..."

"Hey, Sam. You really don't have to explain yourself to me," Blaine assured him. "This is about you, and what makes you feel good. I'm just here 'cause I kinda hate having breakfast alone. So you don't have to thank me, y'know."

Sam didn't speak, he didn't move, he just looked at Blaine. And then he smiled. Leaning in he spoke softly, letting his lips grace the skin next to Blaine's ear, "I want to." He placed Blaine's hand unceremoniously on his ass, and slid his own onto Blaine's, bringing them even closer. "Come upstairs and keep me company while I get dressed?"

* * *

He wasn't really doing anything wrong. Technically. It wasn't romantic, it wasn't like they were dating or anything. This was just about getting each other off, right? _It's just sex._ Those were Brittany's own words. And it was. He could keep this separate from his feelings for Blaine. He could close his eyes and focus on the feeling of that perfect mouth on him. That's what made his head spin, and his heart pound and brought him to the edge in like no time. And the part of him that was too overwhelmed by the fact that it was _Blaine_ focused on that it _was_ and he came so hard so fast. And it was amazing. In the moment it was amazing. Yet in a way it did nothing to relieve him. Still everything he was holding in had him on the verge of exploding.

* * *

"You're going with Britt to the wedding, right?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Right." Of course he was going with her. She was his girlfriend. Blaine was just his... yeah, what was he? They were friends. Nothing else. It was just that it didn't feel like that. It hadn't even been a week but in these past few days everything had changed – and still nothing had changed. Being with Sam was so good. Well, not being with him like that because it wasn't like that. Or, it kind of was, but it wasn't supposed to. He was sort of fine with seeing them together at school. Oh screw it, who was he kidding? He wasn't fine with that. At all. But at least they were pretty low key with their relationship at school. But a wedding, a fucking _Valentine's Day_ wedding? He'd actually be there for their Valentine's Day date. Fuck! It was going to be Sadie Hawkins all over again, only a million times worse now that Sam was his... Well, _his._ Except he wasn't. At all.

* * *

This was a lot more awkward than Sam had anticipated. He hadn't talked to Blaine all evening, and now he was watching him singing and flirting with Kurt. Why the fuck was he in this situation? Something inside him just wanted to get up there and drag Blaine off the stage. He had no right to be jealous. But _Kurt._ That was just more than he could handle.

"I hope they get it on tonight," Brittany all but shouted into his ear to be heard over the music, "I'd be happy for them."

"What?!"

"I know part of it is just trying to make me jealous but I think it would be a really good thing for her. For both of them."

"Um?" Apparently her mind wasn't on whatever was going on up on that stage. In any other situation her obsessing over Santana might have made Sam jealous, but right now he really didn't care. "Yeah."

…

It turned out what was worse than seeing Blaine flirting with Kurt was not seeing it. A host of scenarios Sam really didn't want to imagine flashed through his mind and they all ended with Blaine getting back together with Kurt. "What do you think they're doing?"

"Swapping bow ties, singing duets about puppies and rainbows," Brittany said casually.

"Really?"

"Really. Y'know aside from all the fucking, that is." He was already thinking it, but hearing her say it out loud it hurt even more. And the way she said it, like it was so obvious, if he didn't know better he'd swear she did it on purpose.

* * *

"So, Kurt's left, huh?"

"I guess."

"Well, yeah, I know. I was here when they left for the airport. I just, I feel weird because I haven't like seen you since he got here..."

"Sam, that was two days ago."

"Three."

"Okay. I'm sorry I didn't have time to see you yesterday. But Kurt's my friend and he's never here so of course I wanted to hang out with him."

"Yeah, but – I mean, I just... Fuck! Okay, it's not just in my head, right – something happened with you guys at the wedding, didn't it?"

Blaine took a step closer to Sam, and lightly touched his hand, "Hey," he smiled lightly, "you're not jealous, are you?" He said it like it was a joke, because that was the deal right? Not that it was entirely clear what the _'deal'_ was, but Sam was still _her_ boyfriend.

Sam pulled back his hand. "Well, no, I just thought I kinda have a right to know, well not _right_ , but y'know, considering everything... So if there's something going on between the two of you I wish you'd tell me, that's all."

Yeah, what happened with Kurt at the wedding was a mistake. It was selfish and stupid and only too late had he realized that he was using Kurt. Not that he'd deliberately tried to make Sam jealous, he would never _want_ to hurt him. But _god_ how he wanted that things could have been different. That Sam would actually be jealous. No, that there would be no reason for either of them to be. That he wouldn't have to find ways to try and deal with seeing Sam with someone else.

"Nothing's going on, Sam. It was just a hook up. It's not a big deal."

Sam didn't say anything, he didn't even look at him.

"Hey, Sam?" Blaine tried moving in closer again, he stroked Sam's upper arm tentatively. "Are we good?"

Sam nodded.

"Good, because I was just thinking... I missed hanging out with you too..."

"Yeah?" Sam looked up at him through his bangs. A small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah," Blaine nodded slowly.

Sam held him fixed with his gaze. There was a happy gleam in his emerald eyes again but something else too. Something hungry, almost... predatory, Blaine had seen it before and he always felt he could never get enough of it "Good, because _I_ was thinking there are so many things I'd rather be doing than talking about Kurt."

"Things like...?"

"Things like this..." Sam took a small step in, closing the distance between them. He cupped Blaine's face in his hands and leaned in to plant a soft kiss just below his cheekbone.

Blaine let out a sigh and closed his eyes. Sam's lips wandered over his cheek, kissing along his jaw he felt himself melt under his touch. Yeah, they were good, everything was good.

* * *

The whole drive to Blaine's Sam had a nervous tingle in his stomach. Well, actually it had been there all day. Like, more than usual. From the moment he'd seen Blaine in that Top Gun suit he'd just wanted to be alone with him. Of course there was no reason he'd still be wearing the suit. In fact Sam had watched him change out of it – though, to be fair, he had tried very hard not to. Anyway he was here to study – and to learn about Blaine's new plan – but mostly to study. Nothing else. The studying part he could do without, but he was actually excited to hear about how they were going to get to Sue. After the way they took down the Warblers together he had a feeling even she was no match for them. Hopefully it would be a proper Nightbird & Blonde Chameleon mission. Wait, was he supposed to have his costume? No, he didn't remember Blaine saying anything about that and he was pretty sure that's something he'd remember. As he rang the doorbell he couldn't help imagining Nightbird opening the door and he had to remind himself again to not assume that anything would happen. Did he even want anything to happen? He couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to do the stuff he really wanted to do. Well, there was a lot. But at the top of his list would be to just take things slow. To just enjoy being close. To just kiss him, perhaps for hours. He hated this weird, fucked up, desperate thing they had, that always left him feeling like shit. And still if this was what he could get he wasn't about to pass it up. Like if Nightbird really opened the door, he'd probably not be able to not let things happen... Wait, was this some kind of costume kink manifesting? People had commented about how he seemed to have a thing for Cheerios, suggesting it was the uniforms. But come on, who didn't have a thing for hot cheerleaders? Other than that he guessed he just had a thing for Blaine.

No, Blaine wasn't wearing his Nightbird costume, or the flight suit, but the sight of him in what he _was_ wearing almost knocked Sam out.

"Oh, fuck!"

"Um, hi. I know it's... I just put it on to sort of illustrate my plan."

Blaine's words barely registered with Sam, he just stepped in close. He wasn't aware of anything but how ridiculously hot Blaine looked blushing under his stare. His voice was a low rasp as words tumbled out, "Let's go to your room."

Blaine started walking up the stairs and Sam kicked off his shoes without taking his eyes off Blaine's ass. He could make out the contours of it perfectly through the tight pants. _Christ!_ That ass! At the top of the stairs he caught up to him seizing him by the waist and pushing him up against the door. Kissing his neck Sam ground into him.

Blaine was pushing back against him, breathing heavily, "Sam... you... study?"

"Mhm, in a bit."

Sam snaked one arm around Blaine's chest and held him firmly pressed to him as he opened the door. Once it was shut behind them he let his other hand slide down the red spandex, palming Blaine's cock through the slinky fabric. He was already hard but grew bigger and harder under Sam's touch. God, how he loved that! Well, he loved everything about touching Blaine, but this was definitely a favorite. His other hand was stroking Blaine's neck, his face. As he brushed over his lips Blaine opened his mouth, Sam gasped as he felt his warmth, his wetness. He let his fingers linger there. On his amazing, full, soft lips. Blaine moaned softly as his mouth played with Sam's fingers licking, sucking. His hand on Sam's ass pulling them together, even though there was already no space between, especially not where Sam's cock was straining against his jeans. God he was perfect!

"Oh, baby, you're so hot!"

Blaine froze in his arms, turning his head away. "Is that what you call her?"

"What?"

He turned around, backing away slightly. "'Baby'. You never... Are you thinking about her?"

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me!?" For all the _'God you're beautiful'_ :s and _'I love you'_ :s he'd bit back, he let this complete trivial one slip and Blaine reacts like this? "Are you jealous? Because last time I checked you weren't my boyfriend. And fucking your ex is 'no big deal' but _this_ is?! You... ahh." He'd never been this mad at Blaine, hell he'd probably never been this mad period but still, by some grace of God, he knew if he said just how fucking stupid and crazy and fucked up Blaine was to him in this moment he wasn't going to be able to take it back. "You don't want me but no one else can have me, is that it?"

"No! No, that's not it. I'm sorry! I guess I _am_ jealous and I know I have no right to be..."

"So what the fuck do you think I'm doing here?" Sam really didn't manage to hide his frustration as well as he wanted to.

"I don't know! Honestly I have no idea."

"Y'know I canceled my plans with her to be here tonight – I'm pretty sure that's against the rules."

"Oh, yeah? I'm really sorry that your _rules_ aren't working for you," Blaine snapped. "Y'know I don't care about your rules!"

 _Yeah it's kind of obvious that you don't care_ , Sam stopped the words, forcing himself to take a deep breath. Then he said, as calmly as he could, "I really don't want to fight with you," and added with a sigh, "So I'm gonna go."

"What, you're just leaving?" Blaine asked, his voice suddenly small.

"I can't do this anymore, Blaine. It's bullshit – you know it is, and it's ruining everything. It's ruining us." Blaine was looking at him, but Sam couldn't bare to meet his eyes – those big, beautiful, hazel eyes – he knew that if he did he would be pulled in an not be able to leave and right now he needed to get away from Blaine. "Can we just... Will you tell me about the plan tomorrow or something?" Despite himself he managed a weak smile and added, "Only, please don't wear the uniform."


	21. Waiting For the Sun

Sam walked down the corridor, heading to his locker. He was trying to brace himself for what was to come, but he had no idea what to hold on to. He didn't have a plan for how to get through the day. All he had was a vague and futile hope that he wouldn't have to deal with the situation. _'The situation'_ being Blaine, he guessed. Why was he even here? What was he hoping to accomplish in the state he was in? He'd made it this far on autopilot. If someone would have asked him what he'd had for breakfast this morning, or even how he'd gotten here, he wouldn't have been able to answer.

Sam stopped in his tracks. The sight of Blaine standing by his locker sent a sharp pain through him that made his breath hitch. Usually Sam didn't think about Blaine's size; he was Blaine and he was gorgeous and every part of him was the exact right size and shape. But now, leaning against the lockers, his back a bit hunched, Blaine looked so small. And he looked sad. Or rather, he looked like he was trying to not look sad, his smile barely more than his lips pressing lightly together. Blaine raised a hand, only about chest high, in a subdued greeting. Sam had promised him they'd talk. He just didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to think. He didn't know what he was feeling after last night. He wasn't mad – that had all ran out of him already on the way home, once he'd come down from his adrenaline rush and stopped shaking enough to drive home. Mostly he was confused, and sort of empty. Exhausted really. He mirrored Blaine's gesture and started walking again. Slower, less determinately, sticking his hands deep into his pockets. The walk seemed to drag out forever and still he was getting there much too fast. At long last he was standing in front of Blaine, balancing on the sides of his feet, trying to think of what to say.

Blaine made no effort to be heard over the loud clatter and chatter of the morning bustling around them, but he didn't have to; his soft voice drowned out all of it, even the thrumming of Sam's own heart in his ears, "Hey."

Then Sam heard his own voice too, barely holding, "Hi."

"Sam?" Blaine looked up at him with those big golden eyes, trying to catch Sam's gaze. "About last night..."

"Sorry I just took off," Sam looked down, stupidly staring at his feet. "I just, I –" yeah, what exactly?

"No, _I'm_ sorry! I acted like a jerk."

"No, you... " Sam shook his head, "it's fine." It wasn't fine though, if he knew anything in that moment that was it. "I think we – um, need to let things cool off a bit. I mean, I think I – " Sam glanced quickly up a Blaine. Not bearing to meet his eyes he looked down again and blurted "I just need a little space."

* * *

Sam wanted space. What did that mean? Did it mean they weren't friends anymore? That they didn't even talk? Well, it did mean not talking about what had happened last night. Only, what had happened exactly? In a way Blaine was actually relieved that Sam had called the whole thing off. Because he was right – it was ruining things and he'd wanted to stop it himself but, well, he was just weak he guessed. He'd known it was a bad idea, but he never really had a chance, he could never have said no to Sam. Somehow it had felt different last night, like something had changed, almost like it could have been... more. But he'd panicked. Had he ruined everything now? Had he lost Sam for good this time?

* * *

Sam couldn't even begin to think of how he'd fix things with Blaine. Or if there even was such a thing as fixing it. But there was one thing he did know how to do right. Finally. He owed her the truth.

"Britt? About next week..." he started cautiously.

"Lord Tubbington is really not happy about you staying here," Brittany said casually, affectionately scratching the neck of the fat tabby cat in her lap. "You take up way too much space on the bed and you smell really bad. _I_ think you smell delicious, but..."

"That's alright, I don't think I can anyway."

She didn't look up at him, she didn't say anything, she just kept petting the cat.

Sam continued, "There's something I need to tell you."

Now she looked at him, and there were tears welling up in her pretty blue eyes. What was he doing? How the fuck could this be doing the right thing? But no. The other option was to keep lying. To her. And to himself. Sam swallowed thickly. "It's this thing with, um... Blaine." Taking a deep breath, releasing it slowly, he forced himself to look up from his hands, "I think I have more feelings for him than I should."

A tear trickled down Brittany's soft perfect cheek. How was he doing this to her? To them. It took every bit of self-control Sam had not to wrap her up in his arms and pull her in. Kiss it away and make them both forget what he'd just said. She nodded and looked down at Lord Tubbington again.

"You can say it, Sam," she said in a small voice, "it's okay."

"I don't wanna say it!" Sam felt his own eyes burn with unshed tears, and his voice came out as a hoarse whisper, "I don't wanna hurt you. I'm so sorry, babe." As he reached out and grasped her hand the cat jumped down on the floor, and she laughed. Despite tears still streaming down her face, Brittany actually laughed. A small but sparkling laugh. Through a wet smile she said, "You really are an idiot, Sam."

Even with her sugary way of delivering those words they hurt. Instinctively Sam yanked his hand back, but realizing he'd probably deserved that he just concentrated on pushing back the tears and waited for her to continue.

"But you're still the most adorable idiot around, and I love you, so I can't really be mad at you."

Maybe on some level he'd hoped that she would be mad. That she'd break up with him – save him the decision. But of course she wasn't, and she didn't. Of course she was way too cool for that. And she knew. Of course she already knew.

"You're supposed to just rip off a band-aid, right?"

"I guess."

"Because it will hurt less, right?"

"Yeah?"

"But when it comes off you'll have to face what's underneath. And you know that you won't be able to stop yourself from picking at the wound. And it'll probably start bleeding again."

"Um... What are you saying?"

"I'm saying let's not."

He really didn't want to leave her hanging, but it was her suggestion and it made sense. It was actually a relief. She would join her family on their skiing trip after all, giving them both some much needed time to think. Sorting out his thoughts and feelings would be a lot easier with some distance between them.

* * *

Goddamned Sue Sylvester... This feud he had going with her had really slipped through his fingers and Blaine wasn't at all sure anymore who was playing who. It wasn't like it really mattered anyway. It wasn't like anything really mattered anymore. Sam was still mad at him. Or so he guessed. He hadn't said so. But then again Sam hadn't said much of anything to him this week.

Because Sam wanting space meant not sitting next to him in Glee or at lunch. It meant no hugs. In fact it meant no physical contact, platonic or otherwise, at all. Sam did ask him about the plan, though, but there was no joking around, no laughing, no trace of Sam's usual warmth. He knew he only had himself to blame, but that didn't make it hurt any less. And fuck it hurt!

* * *

They didn't not talk, they just didn't _talk_. Sam couldn't pretend nothing had happened. Though he still wasn't at all sure what had happened, or what it meant. It had just been too intense and weird. He couldn't just slip back into their friendship, into what they'd had before.

Sam spent most of his time in the art studio. Sometimes, and especially now, he felt that's where he was most at ease. Of course he loved Glee Club, but this was different. It was peaceful. It allowed his thoughts to run freely without distractions.

It didn't take Sam too long to figure out that he was miserable. It wasn't just the way he missed Blaine with every fiber of his being. Missed being with him, talking to him. No, before all this he had been able to ignore most of it. Letting himself enjoy being Blaine's friend, ignoring how incomplete that felt. But he couldn't do that anymore. It wasn't just that he missed what they'd had. He missed more than ever what they'd never had. When he saw Blaine in the corridor after having classes apart and he wanted to tell him all about it, and see that radiant smile of his directed at him. He wanted to kiss him and walk him to his locker, holding his hand... His hands. How he missed Blaine's hands! How they were so soft, yet rough in just the right way. What they felt like in his own. How he'd stroke across Blaine's palm with the ball of his thumb and it would make Blaine shift against him, press a little closer. And the feeling of Blaine's hands on him. And not only touching him like _that_ , even though it always felt like heaven. No, not even mostly that, but how Blaine's hand just resting lightly on his arm, steady and warm, would make him feel happy and warm inside.

He could go on telling himself that Brittany needed him. Maybe she did in a way. Maybe she just liked having him, he wasn't sure. They did love each other, though. But much more as best friends. Best friends who happened to have great sex, but still mostly as friends. Yeah, the sex was great, the same way that everything about being with her was great – she was kind of magical like that – but he didn't need it. Not like he needed Blaine. Like he needed to breath.

He could keep telling himself that choosing her was the right thing to do. Hell, he'd even found a way to pretend he didn't have to choose at all. But the truth was that there wasn't a choice. There never had been. Not this one. His only real choice now was whether to accept it.

He could keep saying to himself _Fuck Blaine!_ for not wanting him, for not choosing him. But the truth was that he'd been running away from this ever since the beginning. And sure, he could sympathize with the scared, confused sixteen year old who'd had his mind blown getting blown by his best friend. But he wasn't that boy anymore. He actually knew what he wanted now, what he felt. So why the hell hadn't he fought for Blaine?

* * *

The days dragged out painfully. Finally this one was coming to an end, but tomorrow would be another just like it. Another day of polite but terse conversation, of not having Sam beam at him or seeing his eyes sparkle. One more day without a single touch. One more day without Sam. This cold between them was unbearable. How had they gotten things so wrong? Well, Blaine knew how. He knew he'd been weird and out of line that night. And he knew there was no way Sam could possibly understand why. He'd been letting Sam think he was okay with the whole 'just bros' thing, when really he was nowhere near being okay with it. So of course Sam would be mad that he was suddenly having a jealous freak-out when he'd agreed to the no-feelings premise. He'd lied when he agreed to that. He'd lied when Sam asked him about his feelings. Fuck, he'd been lying to Sam since forever. He needed to try and fix it. To explain what had gone so wrong. Only, Sam didn't want to talk.

Blaine had reluctantly faced the fact that it was time to sleep; there was no stopping morning from rolling in. He was all ready for bed and was just peeling the covers off it when his phone went off. Blaine's heart jumped in his chest when he saw the caller-id pic – the one that never failed to make him smile. Because Sam looked so incredibly cute making that silly face. And because it brought back the memory of them goofing around taking those pictures, Sam refusing to keep a straight face for any of them. And of how it all had ended with them both in a pile of arms, legs, tickling and laughter. How it all had just been simple back then. Or at least simpler. Blaine grabbed the phone and jumped up on his bed, sitting cross legged feeling his heart beating faster he answered it not even trying to hide his excitement, "Sam!"

"Sorry it's so late," Sam sounded tentative, "I didn't wake you did I?"

"No no, not at all," Blaine assured him, reigning himself in a bit to better match Sam's uncharacteristically cheerless tone. "How are you?"

"Miserable," Sam sighed, "I can't stand not talking to you."

"Me too."

"I kinda needed it though, but I'm sorry I shut you out."

"It's fine, I get it. Or, maybe not. But I get that you're upset... The way I acted..."

"You know what?" Sam cut him off, but there was no trace of anger or irritation in his voice as he continued to explain, "That's not why I called. I don't wanna do this over the phone. In fact I'm not even sure I wanna talk about that. Not yet anyways. I just don't wanna _not_ talk to you anymore. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, it kinda does," Blaine smiled. He could live with that. Just hearing Sam's voice again made him warm inside, "I'm very happy you called, Sam."

Blaine could hear Sam smiling at the other end of the line.

* * *

Sam walked to his car with a lightness in his step, and in his heart he hadn't felt in a long time and that he'd spent the last week thinking he might never feel again. The drive to school seemed shorter, the sky brighter. As he pulled into the parking lot he saw Blaine just getting out of his car. He was already half-way to the main building when Sam caught up to him. Wordlessly he tugged the sleeve of his jacket and Blaine turned around. Their gazes locked for a brief moment before he pulled Blaine to his chest. Hugging him tightly, burying his face in Blaine's neck. The smell of his hair gel that was sweet and a bit too much but still so good, so _Blaine_. He held on, only now that he was soothed realizing how his entire body had felt like a fresh wound. Blaine mumbled something against his shoulder. Sam realized he might be holding him too tight and loosened his grip a bit, without letting go.

"What?" he asked softly.

"Hi Sam," Blaine whispered.

"Hi," Sam smiled. As their embrace broke Blaine beamed at him and with no more words they walked into school together.

* * *

Sam had finally fallen asleep after what felt like hours of wrestling with his own thoughts. When his phone started buzzing again he realized that must have been what woke him up. Blaine. Sam drowsily put the phone to his ear and rasped, "Yeah?"

"Oh, good you're up!" came Blaine's cheerful response.

"Mm, sorta," well, _now_ he was. "Wait, are you outside? Who are you with?"

"Tina! Or, I was at Tina's. But she fell asleep, which was kinda boring so I left and..."

Perfect, a drunk Blaine to deal with was just about the last thing he needed right now. "Alone?! Where are you exactly?"

"I _think_... I don't know."

"Okay, B. Just stay where you are, I'll come pick you up." Sam put Blaine on speaker and asked, "Which way did you go from her house?" as he pulled on his jeans and tee shirt.

"I tried going the way we went, y'know, after the party."

"What, here?"

"Yeah, I know I should have called first, but... Y'know that night you couldn't keep your hands off me and now you don't even wanna see me, and I just really wanna see you and... and just hang out, y'know – no funny business, I totally get that."

Sam had to chuckle a bit at that last part. But the rest – he really had no response for that.

"Anyway, I'll just go up to the main road, I'll find the way back from there."

"No! No, you stay where you are. Is there somewhere you can sit?"

Sam walked Blaine through giving him directions and before long he pulled up by the curb where Blaine was sitting. Not ten minutes later he ushered Blaine into his room.

"Are you sure you're alright with me being here? I can totally go home, Sam."

"You're not going anywhere tonight."

"I'm sorry for just dropping by even though I knew you didn't want to see me."

"I never said I didn't want to see you."

"No, you didn't really have to."

"Blaine, it's not that I don't wanna see you, it's really not that."

"Y'know, you can trust me, Sam. No more hooking up, I totally respect that. I promise – you don't have to worry about it, I can totally keep it in my pants."

Sam laughed. Even with how tired he was it wasn't as if Blaine's drunken oblivious flirting did nothing to him. Far from it. But if there had ever been a bad time for _funny business_ , this was it.

"No, but really, you're with Brittany, and I get that you wouldn't want me when you have her. Why would you? With those legs, and, well you know, everything."

"B – we broke up."

"Oh..."

"Yeah."

"Oh, um, I'm so sorry. How... what... How are you doing?"

"I'm okay. I guess. I mean, I don't know, but... I just really need to sleep, okay?"

"Okay, yeah, sure. Let's get some sleep," Blaine agreed and settled next to him, carefully maintaining the neutral zone between them. Sam curled his arm around Blaine's waist and brought them closer.

"Good night," he mumbled, half-way asleep already, "I'm glad you're here."


	22. All I Can Do

The morning sun and the dull pain in his head had Blaine slowly drifting back to consciousness, and he found himself alone in Sam's bad. As the night before came back to him he squeezed his eyes shut again and pulled the covers over his head with a silent groan.

"Oh, good you're up!" Blaine heard Sam's cheerful voice from outside his cocoon. The next thing he knew bright light pierced his eyes and he saw Sam smirking down at him.

He covered his face again with his forearm, "Sam, I'm s..."

"Yeah, I know you said that like a million times last night, and it's fine – it's totally fine," Sam assured him sitting down on the side of the bed. "How are you feeling today?" He put his hand on Blaine's upper arm and rubbed his thumb across where his arm met his chest. Over the thick fluffy covers but still it stirred up the feelings Blaine had used all his willpower on suppressing last night. He had sort of managed to not throw himself at Sam, but now his whole body ached for more of Sam's touch. He focused on not moving against it and keeping his breathing steady.

"Oh, I'm y'know, no worse off than I deserve," Blaine chuckled dryly, rubbing his sore eyes. Looking up at Sam he asked softly, "But how are you?"

Sam sat up a bit and as he did his hand slid down to rest at Blaine's waist. "Sweaty," he smiled, obviously having none Blaine's seriousness, running a hand through his damp hair.

"Yeah, you should have woken me up, I would have joined you."

"Like this?" Sam chuckled, "You would have just slowed me down."

"What? I'm faster than you!"

"You think?" Sam grinned widely as he poked Blaine's side playfully, making him squirm.

"Yeah," Blaine laughed.

But then they were both still. Blaine breathing in shallow gasps, burning under Sam's stare.

"Y'know, I actually meant about Brittany," he awkwardly broke the spell.

"Right. Yeah, that," Sam seemed to deflate at the thought of it.

Blaine pushed himself up on his elbows, "You wanna talk about it?"

"Not really, actually. It's just, it's so new and I don't really know what I feel about it yet. So it's kinda difficult to talk about. But yeah, while we're on the subject, she's... coming over after breakfast and, er..."

"Oh! Right. Yeah, I should probably get back to Tina's anyway. Try and convince her to still be my friend after bailing on her last night," he half-joked, barely managing a weak smile.

"One could argue that she bailed first falling asleep on you like that. Though I don't get why you'd agree to sleep in the same room with her in the first place, after what she did."

"Come on, Tina's cool, cut her some slack."

"I can't make any promises, but I'll try," Sam smirked and added, "I'll let you get dressed." And with that he stood up and left the room.

* * *

"Are those macaroni portraits?"

Sharing this intimate secret with Blaine felt so natural and so good. Maybe he could really do it, after all it was the only reasonable thing to do, just talk to him. Clear the air between them, straighten everything out. What he wouldn't give to be able to do that. Maybe he could. Maybe he was wrong, and it wouldn't be the same. He'd swear he'd felt it; sometimes during those fleeting moments they'd had together in the past few weeks, when they'd let their bodies do the talking – it really had to be more than just getting off, right? Then again, maybe not...

"I even did, um, Kurt."

When Sam had started the Kurt portrait he hadn't really known why. It just felt like something he had to do, something he had to put himself through. Because thinking about Kurt, studying his pretty face so closely, was really painful. Could he ever dare to believe that it was really over between Blaine and Kurt? Blaine had said it was, so that should be that he guessed. Still Sam wasn't sure Blaine was over Kurt at all. Not after the wedding. He didn't really consider himself a romantic, but even he knew that hooking up with someone on Valentine's Day meant something. What if Blaine actually still wanted to get back together with Kurt? He never really spoke about Kurt anymore, but that was probably him trying to spare Sam's feelings. Blaine was just the kindest with stuff like that, with everything really – that was one of the many reasons he was the most awesome best friend anyone could have. And he happened to be Sam's, and that was already more than he deserved so of course it was stupid to hope for more. And of course it made sense. Kurt was everything Sam wasn't. He was smart and witty – all Sam had was his impressions. And though he was beautiful, Sam had to admit that he was, obviously Blaine liked him for more than his abs. He had, like, depth, and cared about all kinds of things that Sam didn't know the first thing about. He was gay, properly, unambiguously gay. And he was out. Sam knew that hadn't been an easy journey for him, but the point was that he'd made it, whereas Sam still hadn't figured out how to tell anyone about it, how to talk about it. Or how to think about it, for that matter. And he had a bright future staked out – Sam could never get into a college like NYADA, probably not any college. _But..._ Slowly but surely, as he was picking out the right shade of sea green for an eye-macaroni or trying out the angle for a piece in the ear those little tentative _but'_ s had found their way into his thoughts. _But..._ Blaine always laughed at Sam's impressions, and not only a polite giggle like most of the chicks – he actually laughed his perfect ass off most of the time. And Blaine liking Sam's abs was so not a bad thing. That one time he'd shown him just how much he liked them, licking them slowly, making him wonder if he could come from that alone (well, that and the delicious noises of appreciation he made), though in the end he hadn't left him to find out. Oh, that especially was not bad. In fact out of all the places on his body where Blaine's tongue had been this was surely top three... okay top five, but still... Still, Blaine was actually the only person, with the obvious exception of the members of his family, that Sam was sure liked him for more than his body. With the way Blaine had been there for him when he crashed, knowing just what to say and do. Supporting him through it all the way. And hanging out together was always fun and comfortable and he'd actually never got the feeling from Blaine that it wasn't enough for him. Obviously Blaine was his best friend, but he was Blaine's too.

Soon Blaine would be in New York, with Kurt, and then it would inevitably be over. So yeah, he got why Blaine didn't see him as more than a friend, albeit a fuckable one. Why a closeted bi guy with a girlfriend and no future wouldn't be Blaine's first choice for a boyfriend. But those were all things he could change, right? Well, except for the part about being bi, if that's what he was, but that was also the one thing he was pretty sure Blaine wouldn't really have a problem with. And maybe none of the things Kurt had that he lacked mattered, for there was one thing he knew, with all his heart, that he could do. Something he somehow wasn't sure Kurt had ever even tried to do; he could make Blaine happy. When they were together they were both happy. And that was something that just didn't change. And there was still time, he still had a few months to make those changes and convince Blaine to give him a chance.

* * *

"Do... do you have feelings for me?"

So accepting that he had to tell Sam the truth apparently didn't mean he wasn't still panicking about it. Talking to Sam was sometimes the easiest thing in the world and sometimes the hardest; it was like there was two of him. There was the Sam that was his best friend, with moods and looks he all knew by heart, who he was always comfortable around and who he knew how to talk to about anything. Then there was the other Sam – the boy of his dreams, who drove him crazy in every way and turned him on more than he'd thought possible. Who made his heart shatter and his voice catch in his throat.

But the Sam that stood before him right now just wanted to talk to his best friend. About something real. And Blaine couldn't let him. No, he had to blurt out that damned question, like a final desperate attempt at getting out of it. Why did he always have to do stupid, weird stuff like that? It wasn't Sam that had something to confess.

* * *

An echo of their latest conversation fluttered across Sam's mind as he watched Brittany walking towards him through the hall. _I'm going to miss you, Sam._ Though he knew she already had, he wondered if he'd ever forgive himself for what he'd done to her. _I'll always be here._ And he couldn't help to wish he could have been what she needed. _I know, but it won't be the same._ She smiled brightly as she approached him.

"What are you waiting for, Sammy?"

"Spanish, class."

"Haha, yeah. But no. C'mon, let's get out of here."

"No, I can't skip class, if I'm going to graduate..." Sam tried to protest.

"You'll be fine, trust me."

"But Mr Shue's gonna kill me when he finds out."

"Just trust me," Brittany repeated, cutting him off again and added with a wink "you owe me that much, don't you think?" before she resolutely grabbed his hand and all but dragged him down the corridor, away from the classroom.

…

"So, really – what are you waiting for?"

"Well, I was waiting for my class, now I guess I'm waiting for you to tell me why I'm not in it."

"With your guy," Brittany clarified patiently and added, "I mean it's painfully obvious that you're still not getting it on."

"I can't believe we're talking about this," Sam muttered, slightly under his breath.

"I know, finally! So?"

"Really?"

Brittany nodded eagerly.

"Okay, yeah I haven't talked to him."

"Why?"

"Britt, we just broke up."

"I know that, babe. Now answer the question," she insisted.

Sam sighed heavily, "I have to do this right. And I have no idea how to."

"You're crazy about him, he's crazy about you, what's the problem?"

"No, he's not. I mean, it's not about _getting it on_ , well it is, but it's also... more. I want more than that. And he doesn't think of me like that. And I don't blame him. I mean, why would someone like him go for a guy like me?"

"Hey! _I_ went for you, didn't I?"

"Yes, yes you did. But you said it yourself; it was never meant to last past graduation. With Blaine,it just... And he has all these plans for the future, and I have no clue what I'm gonna do... I couldn't even get into college if I wanted to, and even if I did I wouldn't afford to go."

"Perhaps you should start with not feeling so sorry for yourself. It's really not very sexy. But if you want my advice I'll give it to you."

"Please."

"Awesome! You know the story about the boy and the dragon?"

"Uh, maybe?"

"Okay, so once upon a time there was this boy – the son of a simple cobbler, or was it a thatcher? Anyway, he dreamed of being a knight and practiced every day with his wooden sword." As Brittany got into the story her voice shifted to a lower pitch that swept Sam away to a land far far away. "One day, when the boy was almost of an age, a great misfortune fell upon the kingdom where he lived. The prince, a beautiful boy, (though arguably a bit silly), and about our 'knight's' own age was taken prisoner by a fierce dragon. The king sent forth all his knights to save the boy. When they all failed the king summoned everyone in his kingdom who could ride a horse and wield a sword to slay the dragon and save his son. Time went by and so far all who'd seen the dragon had fled in terror – the lucky ones with all their arms and legs still attached. And no one had gotten as much as a glimpse of the prince. Our young knight rode to the dragon's lair in the mountains, armed with a sword of the finest steel, convinced like all the brave men that had gone before him that he surely must be the one to succeed in his mission. But when he got there and was stood face to face with the dragon – red flames coming out of its nostrils and long, sharp teeth glistening – terror grabbed hold of him and he froze. His legs wouldn't move, his hand rested on the hilt of his sheathed sword, he was trapped between fight and flight. By some chance of fate, or might it have been his own curiosity, his gaze turned up to the dragon's eye. People say that the eyes are the mirror of the soul and be that as it may, but with dragons that is literally true. There was no malice in the eye of the dragon. He'd expected to see searing flames, but there was instead molten gold. At once..."

"Really?" Sam interrupted, "Like real gold?"

"Shh!" Brittany hushed him, "This is the good part!" She continued in her husky story-telling voice, "At once fear lifted from the knight's heart and instead he felt like he was remembering a happy memory that had been long since forgotten. But he saw not only his own happiness he saw also the fear, and this time it wasn't his. He let go of the sword and reached his hand out to the dragon, speaking calmly to it, 'I'm not going to hurt you.' For a few moments everything was still, man and beast both staring into the other's eye. Then suddenly in a swirl of crimson smoke the dragon vanished and where it had been now stood a boy. The most beautiful boy our young knight had ever seen. The prince smiled at his savior, and took the hand that was offered to him. Together they walked out of the dungeon, and never looked back. The boy got his prince and half the kingdom and they lived happily ever after. The End."

"That's a cool story!"

"I thought you'd like it," Brittany smiled. "We'd better get back, you really can't afford to miss any more classes," she said casually as she jumped off the bench.

"Wait, what about the advice?"

Brittany chuckled, and said with a fond smile, "You're funny, Sam."

* * *

"Now it's your turn to be honest, because you haven't really been yet so far," Sam declared, suddenly turning all serious.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Blaine claimed, though he did have a pretty solid idea what Sam was talking about.

"Well, you know, you're only as sick as your secrets, dude, and that's what this week's assignment is really about."

Wait, what? What sick secrets?! As if his admitting to loving Barry Manilow was really that much bolder than Blaine's Wham!-confession. It wasn't, so what the hell was he talking about?

"This is your chance to really set an example for the Glee Club. What's yours gonna be?" Sam smirked as he got up, leaving Blaine bewildered.

He'd definitely lost Sam's trail of thought but he also had a feeling Sam had too. He wasn't even sure this was really about him. Though whatever Sam had been talking about he had a point. Telling the truth was the only way forward. Whatever happened between them – whatever their friendship was – as long as he wasn't being honest, part of it would always be a lie. And there was never going to be a perfect time, he wasn't going to wake up one morning saying to himself: today is the day, I know I can deal with it today.

Because he would have to deal with it. What were the odds that they could just go back to normal, whatever that was, after he told him? Pretty bad probably. So what would happen? Would Sam be mad that he'd lied? Would he think Blaine was a creep for keeping it a secret all this time? Would he... No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't because this wasn't a freaking Disney movie. But what if he did? Then he'd have to deal with _that._ But he wouldn't so that wasn't going to be a problem.

But what if he didn't actually misinterpreted the way Sam looked at him sometimes, the way he touched him. Sam and Brittany had broken up. Did that have anything to do with him? Did he really need to ask himself that? It probably did. But what? And the way he'd asked him about Kurt, well Blaine knew that Sam thought that Kurt wasn't right for him, so he was just looking out for him but what if... Some of the things he'd said in the auditorium that night. What if he'd actually meant them as more than words, more than some silly idea he'd gotten in his head.

Either way it didn't make a difference anymore. Sam had asked him to be honest. And really that was what this week was all about, letting go of secrets. So he'd be damned if he wasn't able to do just that.

* * *

So far this week had been mostly confusing, Sam knew he'd been sort of weird, but at least he knew why that was. He had no idea what was going on with Blaine. First it had seemed it was all just about sharing their musical shame, that that was all Blaine wanted to talk about. And that was okay, but then out of the blue he'd asked him _that_. Like he actually wanted him to say it right there in the locker room. In front of everybody. But yeah, at some point he'd have to do it, and this was the obvious time. This was his chance. Not that it was really a guilty pleasure, he wasn't feeling guilty about it, it was just something he hadn't had the guts to be honest about. He wasn't even sure why, he hadn't thought about it a lot until recently. But how would he even do it? Should he make a public announcement in school like _"Hey guys it's Sam Evans, your Vice President, FYI I like fucking dudes. Enjoy the rest of your day!"_ That sounded awfully general. He had only ever fucked two dudes. And Blaine he hadn't even fucked, well not like properly fucked anyway. Though he was very sure he'd like that very much, like really, really like it. A lot. Still, making an official statement to the whole school actually seemed weird. Maybe he should just tell someone like Kitty and let the word spread. No, that didn't really cut it as the big gesture he felt it should be. He should just come out and say it to all of the Glee club. There was no way they wouldn't be cool about it, right? They had been incredibly cool about the Fanilow thing. Though he realized that thinking he'd get the same reaction for this secret was hoping for a bit too much... Except perhaps from Ryder. It hadn't really been possible for him to not notice the way Ryder would sometimes stare at him. And also that Ryder was actually really hot. But he wasn't interested in him like that; and this was actually the part he couldn't get to add up, why was he making some big declaration about _liking boys_ when the only boy, the only one, he was really interested in was Blaine.

* * *

Blaine had never backed out of a performance, and this was probably his most important one yet – it felt a million times more important than it had felt going out on the stage at Nationals.

When he started to play and the stage light switched on, he felt all of it so clear. There probably wasn't a song that could describe everything they'd been through, but in a way this was perfect because it really was about all the things he'd been too scared to say. Well, that he was still way too scared to say but he'd make himself say anyway. It wasn't just about explaining to Sam, it was about so much more. Ultimately it was about giving it one final chance, despite himself.

* * *

There was no such thing as getting used to seeing Blaine perform. He was always absolutely stunning. It was almost hard to believe it was really him, that it was the same Blaine, his goofy, sweet, hilarious best friend, but at the same time he was even more real like that. If Sam had ever tried keeping track of all the times he'd heard Blaine sing a romantic song and secretly wished he was singing to him – not that he was into sappy love songs, but somehow with Blaine none of them seemed silly – by now he'd have surely lost count. Even as Blaine struck the first key a shiver went up Sam's spine and as the stage was lit and Blaine started singing there was no doubt – this was the real Blaine, there was no veil however thin on his emotions. The slight tremor in his voice, so naked so vulnerable. And it made Sam want to cry.

* * *

 _How can I just let you walk away,  
just let you leave without a trace?  
When I stand here taking every breath with you_

 _You're the only one who really knew me at all  
_

 _How can you just walk away from me,  
when all I can do is watch you leave?  
_

 _'cause we've shared the laughter and the pain,  
and even shared the tears  
_

 _You're the only one who really knew me at all_

 _I wish I could just make you turn around,_  
 _turn around and see me cry_  
 _There's so much I need to say to you,_  
 _so many reasons why_

 _You're the only one who really knew me at all  
_

 _Take a look at me now,  
'cos there's just an empty space  
But to wait for you,  
is all I can do and that's what I've got to face_

 _Now take a look at me now,_  
 _'cause I'll still be standing here_  
 _And you coming back to me is against all odds_  
 _It's the chance I've got to take_  
 _So take a look at me now_

* * *

Finally Blaine stopped talking.

"Alright everybody, give it up for Blaine Anderson!"

And finally, finally, the rest of the New Directions left the auditorium. And it was just the two of them, standing beneath the stage.

"Sam... I just, uh, the song wasn't about Kurt – it was about you."

"Yeah, I actually got that."

Blaine smiled a small tentative smile and looked up at him, "Good."

Sam held his gaze, "It was beautiful."

"Thank you."

"Blaine, I..."

"Sam," Blaine reached out and lightly touched Sam's arm, "can I please go first?"

"Yeah, sure," Sam nodded breathlessly.

"I'm not good at this, y'know?" Blaine looked down at his fidgeting hands again.

"At what?"

Blaine took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Talking about my feelings, I guess. But you were right, I haven't been honest with you."

"Oh, okay?"

"I love you, Sam. I mean... I mean I'm in love with you. And I'm sorry to be telling you this now and it's not like I expect anything from you, I just, I had to tell you..."

"Are you serious?"

"I'm sorry."

"No oh my god, you don't have to be sorry. But is that really how you feel? Did you really say what I thought you said?"

"That I'm in love with you? Yeah."

"Wow."

"Wow?" Blaine asked quietly.

"I mean, me too."

"You... too?"

"I love you too. I'm crazy about you!" And though by now he sort of knew the answer, he added softly, "But, you knew that, right?"

Blaine shook his head slowly, and just looked at him his eyes so huge and so beautiful.

"B..." Sam took the half step forward to close the distance between them and let his hand find Blaine's and their fingers intertwined. Stroking his thumb across Blaine's cheek he leaned in and let his lips brush against Blaine's. Blaine responded to the touch, parting his lips, kissing him back gently, his soft lips so perfect against Sam's. Kissing Blaine was like coming home and at the same time the most exciting thing. He tasted so sweet and felt so right. But in this moment there was this calm he hadn't felt with Blaine before. Not like this, that he didn't need to take things further right away. The need to seize the moment before it slipped away, perhaps. Now they were just kissing and that was so amazing and not that it didn't turn him on, but that wasn't important right now – the kiss itself was important. Blaine was important. Eventually the kiss had to end, and as it did Sam rested their foreheads together. He felt an intense joy bubbling up inside him, grinning widely he asked, "So, you love me, huh?"

Blaine lowered his lashes and smiled in an adorable expression somewhere between mock-bashful and bashful,"Yeah, I guess I do."

"You guess?"

"I do!" he beamed, "So much," and kissed Sam again. And they were lost in the kiss, in each other. Just having each other close. Could this really be happening? Was he going to wake up and find that it was just another dream?

Sam slowly broke the kiss, cupping Blaine's face in his palm. No, this was real, nothing had ever been more real. As the first sign of Blaine's smile creased the corners of his eyes he felt the same wide grin spreading across his own face. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "Hey, B? Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Does this, uh, does this mean you want to try this for real? I mean, like, us being together for real, and I'm not talking about sex, well, that too of course, but I mean more than that. Like, boyfriends, I guess?"

Blaine was quiet for a few moments, as his smile faded Sam's heart sank in his chest. Finally he spoke slowly, "Sam..." another, shorter pause, "I don't know."

"Oh, okay, uh...But...?"

"I mean, I do! I do want that. I want that more than anything. But I don't know if it's a good idea."

A million thoughts swirled around Sam's head, a million desperate questions. So he wasn't good enough for Blaine after all, what was wrong, what could he do... But he looked up at Blaine, and held his gaze. And there it was. He didn't have to be scared anymore, Blaine loved him. Blaine loved him. So he was going to fight for him, but he wasn't going to fight him. _I'm not going to hurt you._

"Hey, tell you what? We don't have to decide anything right now. Let's just get out of here, okay?"

* * *

 **A/N: Though Brittany is a genius she didn't come up with the story about the dragon herself. It is based on an absolutely beautiful Draco/Harry story called Draco Dormiens by the lovely Juliet'sEmoPhase. All credit for the story goes to her and I'm deeply grateful that she was so amazingly kind as to let me use her fic for this. You should really check out her work, every single one of her stories are just wonderful.  
**

 **Thank you for reading! I'm so happy that you're still around!  
**


	23. Remember Those Walls I Built?

**A/N: Here it is at last, the final chapter! I want to dedicate it to two wonderful people without whom this story would never have been completed.**

 **Amy, it has been such a privilege to have you as a reader, I can't even tell you how much it has meant to me. You're amazing. I hope you'll enjoy this!**

 **µ, I've loved sharing this with you and I'm so grateful for your endless support. I love you!**

 **All of you who have read, reviewed, favorited, followed I'm so happy you did. Okay, here we go. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Are you hungry?" Sam asked, nudging their shoulders together.

"I don't know," Blaine answered truthfully. It was impossible to tell between the butterflies and the dark pit in his stomach. They had just been walking around like this for god knows how long, talking about this and that (well to be fair Sam was doing most of the talking), laughing and occasionally drifting into a thoughtful and not entirely uncomfortable silence. Even though there was this huge thing between them that they still hadn't addressed Blaine felt at ease at Sam's side, he was the same familiar Sam from a few hours ago, smiling and making jokes. It wasn't that he didn't want to talk about it. He'd just been so overwhelmed by Sam's response, he needed it to settle for a bit, needed to clear his head. So he let himself just enjoy the company of his best friend in this relative calm, if only for a little while.

"I know I should be," he continued. The air was fresh and cool, carrying the first hints of spring and the sun was low in the sky. Blaine really couldn't stand the idea of going inside, somewhere stuffy and crowded, breaking the illusion that he and Sam were the only two people in the world.

"Well, I am." Sam tugged at Blaine's sleeve and steered them towards the hole-in-the-wall burger place down the block. "Let's just pick up some fries we can eat while we walk," he suggested.

Though this was by far not the first time they'd shared food, not even the first time they'd done this exact thing, in a way tonight was just like any other night of hanging out with Sam – they must have had a hundred before – it was all brand new and Blaine found it to be strangely intimate. Sometimes they would both reach into the bag at the same time and their hands would touch. Sam would turn and look at him and the world around them would melt away as his cheeks burned and his heart raced. This time Sam deliberately let his fingers brush over Blaine's again. Blaine stopped and asked quietly "Can we sit down for a while?" indicating a nearby bench.

"Sure."

Before leaving himself the time to chicken out Blaine blurted out the question that was burning in his mind.

"Is that really what you want?"

From where he sat slightly bent forward resting his elbows on his knees Sam craned his neck and looked up at him, "What?"

"For us to be boyfriends?"

Sitting up straight, pulling his leg up on the bench Sam turned to face Blaine.

"Yes, it is," he said plainly, and continued, "But really, I meant what I said – we don't have to rush anything. But I think that... can we be completely honest with each other?"

"I'd like that," Blaine nodded. A few moments of silence passed, Sam looked down at his hands. Blaine felt a tug at his heart; Sam wasn't okay. Of course he wasn't! How had he thought that he was? And he was the one doing this to him. "Sam... it's not you – you know that, right?"

"It's not?"

"No, of course not. You're... you're _you_. And I'm me... and _that's_ the problem, I'm..." Blaine trailed off.

"What?"

"I don't know."

But did know. He just didn't how to say it. Blaine felt tears burning behind his eyes. Was he finally going to say it? Put words on what he'd wanted to just keep locked up inside.

"'S okay," Sam placed his hand on top of Blaine's, stroking his thumb over Blaine's knuckles.

"Sam, I'm scared."

Sam nodded solemnly, looking at him, keeping his steady gaze locked with Blaine's and with this simple gesture reassuring him, saying that it was okay. And so softly, almost in a whisper, he asked, "What are you afraid of?"

It took Blaine a few moments to formulate a coherent sentence out of everything that was now swirling freely around in him. Just thinking it he felt a big lump in his throat. "What if it doesn't work out?"

"Of course it's gonna work out!" Sam exclaimed. Curbing himself a bit he continued, "I mean no pressure or anything – if we try it and... If we try it and you don't like it we'll go back to being just friends, no hard feelings, I never wanna not be friends with you. But for me, I have no doubt it's going to work out."

"But what if I'm not good enough for you?"

"You're already way too good for me, B. You're perfect."

"Please don't. Don't say that. I'm not – and if you think that you'll be disappointed."

"Hey. You _are_ perfect. Of course I know you're not really perfect, y'know objectially, but you are to me. You're funny and kind, you're the best friend I've ever had – I mean that goes without saying – but like the best I could ever imagine. Blaine, c'mon, how long have we known each other? There's nothing I could learn about you that would disappoint me."

"But it's different with a relationship. What if – what if I can't be what you want me to be?"

"What I...? Blaine. Look at me," Sam squeezed his hand, and Blaine looked up at him. The look in Sam's eyes were so earnest, so full of compassion. He could even see the same tears that was pressing behind his own eyes welling up in Sam's. "I don't want you to _be_ anything. Well, at least nothing other than what you are, what you want to be. I just want to be with you. That's all. I mean seriously, B. This thing we have, we both know it's fucking amazing. The way I feel about you, the way I feel when I'm with you it's like nothing else even compares."

Blaine couldn't bring himself to respond. He held on to Sam's hand, squeezing it tight, perhaps too tight, fixing it with his gaze as he blinked back his tears. He let Sam put his arm around him and leaned into his embrace.

"It's okay to be scared," Sam spoke softly, "I'm scared too. But whatever happens, I'm here, and we'll deal with it together."

They sat like that in silence, Blaine kept rubbing patterns across the back of Sam's hand with his thumb, until Sam pulled Blaine off the bench. "Let's go."

* * *

"So, Die Hard, right?"

"Right," Blaine laughed, "You do know it's gonna suck, though."

"How can it suck, it's Die Hard?" Sam asked with his usual adorable enthusiasm.

"Well, 'cause it's Die Hard... five?"

Yeah, the movie was really bad, and it didn't matter one bit. Despite being late they got seats in the back row and was completely undisturbed by the handful of other people in the theater. Blaine slid his hand into Sam's and the warmth from it spread through his whole being. There was still so many things they had to talk about, but it was nice to not even be able to talk for a while. Sam was still by his side. He just held Blaine's hand in his, occasionally leaning over to comment on something or sometimes just turning to smile at him. He wasn't freaking out about Blaine's freak out. And he was right; it was amazing and it was worth risking anything to have this. And god, had he been stupid thinking he wouldn't.

* * *

Blaine didn't speak for the whole drive, probably attempting to not distract Sam. It wasn't working. Everything about Blaine was distracting. The way he kept throwing quick glances at him like he tried really hard not to. The way he worried at his bottom lip. Sam hoped he was doing the right thing. So far he'd just been winging it, going with his gut feeling. And it wasn't rocket science, he was pretty good at reading Blaine. He couldn't figure out what he was thinking, but he knew what mood he was in, he knew how to make him smile and relax. And now, at last, he didn't have to guess what Blaine was thinking, he'd finally told him. It had broken Sam's heart to hear Blaine say those things, but at least now he knew what went on with him. Eventually the night had to end he guessed, it was getting late and they both needed to sleep. And he should probably give him some space to think. So here they were, pulling up outside Blaine's house, even though the thought of driving away from Blaine made him nauseous.

As soon as the car stopped Blaine turned to him. "Sam," he exhaled.

Sam turned to face him and Blaine just looked at him for a moment, those gorgeous lips parting even as Blaine's hand came up to cradle his face, gently but decisively bringing him closer as he leaned in. When Blaine's lips touched his Sam felt a surge through his body that had him kissing Blaine back with force. His head was spinning. This shouldn't be happening, and yet it felt so right. Could this be it? No, he'd felt that every time he'd kissed Blaine and it never was. But Blaine's kiss wasn't tentative, his lips were soft and gentle but still eager and as their tongues met all thought was blown from Sam's mind. Blaine was kissing him like he had no intention of ever stopping. After a few minutes Sam had to break the kiss to catch his breath.

Blaine, resting his forehead against Sam's temple, asked breathlessly, "Do you wanna come inside?"

"Yeah." He should probably go home though. He'd already broken his own rule of not pressuring Blaine enough times tonight. "I mean no. I mean I do. But until you're sure I think we have to take things really slow, because I just, I can't."

As much as he meant what he said as much did he know that if Blaine wanted him to come in, he'd come in. He'd hold him through the night if that's what he wanted, if it would make it easier for him. Of course all Sam wanted for himself was for Blaine to say yes to him. But he also couldn't stand Blaine being upset, to see him struggling, fighting with himself, and he just wanted to be there for him and do whatever he could to make it better. If Blaine wanted him to spend the night, he would, regardless. He'd be there for Blaine because he needed him, his best friend, and because there was no other place he'd rather be. Just like he hadn't stopped Blaine from kissing him even though he didn't know what the kiss meant, he knew he didn't have it in him to stop Blaine if he'd want more tonight, even if it meant getting hurt again. Besides he didn't have anything more to lose, he'd laid it all out there and it was up to Blaine to decide. Blaine had drawn back a bit and now he was looking at Sam, right into his eyes, as he spoke, his voice soft but clear.

"Sam, I'm sure. I'm _so_ sure. And I'm so sorry I wasn't before. But I am now. I know you have no reason to trust me but -"

Sam leaned in and cut Blaine off with a kiss. "I trust you," he stated simply as they came apart and was almost surprised by how true it was.

"I promise I won't freak out again," Blaine said meekly.

"Hey, you don't have to promise that," Sam smiled, brushing his fingers over Blaine's cheek. "Maybe you could just promise to talk to me if anything bothers you? We'll work it out together. Okay?"

"Okay," Blaine smiled back.

Sam got out of the car and started walking around to Blaine's side, not particularly trying to be a gentleman but just wanting to stay close to him. Blaine was as quick as Sam and they almost crashed into each other which sent them off laughing. As they calmed down again Sam held Blaine by the elbows and looked at him, searching his face for any sign of regret or doubt and not finding it. Instead – after hours spent in free fall, holding his breath to see if he'd crash – he found himself with both feet on the ground as Blaine smiled at him and took his hand.

Once inside Blaine pulled him close and kissed him again and Sam felt his heart brimming over with happiness. Never having let go of his hand Blaine led them up the stairs, turning half-way to smile at him, continuing into his room. God, how familiar it was. How many times had they slept here together? Their very first time together had been here. As they sat down on the bed Sam leaned in to kiss him, not ever trying to reign in his need to be close, but Blaine stopped him gently with a hand on his shoulder, his beautiful hazel eyes looking into Sam's with a steady gaze.

"Sam," he started, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."

"Hey, B, it's okay. Everything is okay now, right?"

"Right, but it's still not okay what I did to you. That I lied to you. And, and everything I put you through tonight."

"I forgive you," Sam smiled softly. He could never be mad at Blaine for that, he could never blame him for it. He blamed himself a lot though, for all the things he hadn't said or done since long before today, but none of it mattered right now. "I don't want you to give it a second thought. All that matters is that we're here now."

"Yeah, we are," Blaine smiled, "and it's pretty great."

"Mhm." Sam pulled Blaine closer, letting his knuckles softly caress Blaine's cheek, "Wow!" he exhaled.

"What?"

"You're so beautiful."

Blaine lowered his long dark lashes and a bashful smile graced his features. Sam leaned in and kissed him, letting them both fall back onto the pillows, still not really believing this was truly happening as they became a tangle of arms, legs and eager hands. Blaine was making the most delicious little humming sounds as Sam kissed his neck, getting lost in the feeling of his soft skin, his scent, the feeling of being close – of finally being this close and not having to pretend.

Suddenly Blaine spoke, "Sam?"

"Yeah?" Sam propped himself up on his elbow.

"This is so nice..."

"It's nice?" Sam smirked.

"It's... all kinds of awesome, but I'm also inches away from falling asleep, or rather passing out – it's been a really long day."

"Yeah, me too. Let's sleep, and we'll continue this," Sam slid his hand up along Blaine's chest to his neck as he planted a soft kiss just below his jaw, "in the morning."

"Yeah," Blaine smiled.

"But I need you to promise me one more thing," Sam added, feigning seriousness.

"Anything. Literally anything," Blaine assured him.

"You'll have to help me catch up on everything I miss tomorrow, because there's no way I'm letting you drag me off to school."

Blaine chuckled, "Deal. What about Glee, though?"

"Oh, yeah, let's go there for Glee, but not before."

Blaine laughed softly again and snuggled into Sam's chest, "I love you," he murmured.

"I know," Sam mumbled into Blaine's mussed hair, kissing it as he tightened his embrace. He felt Blaine smile against the crook of his neck, breathing becoming heavier. "I love you too," he whispered and placed another kiss on the top of Blaine's head before he let himself drift off too.

* * *

Before he was even awake Blaine smiled at the light touch of fingertips ghosting across his forehead down over his cheek. With an imprecise sleep-drunk motion he brought Sam's hand to his lips. Gently kissing Sam's fingers he turned on his side and let his eyes flutter open. A warmth still lingered in him from the night before but meeting Sam's eyes Blaine's stomach did a backflip as Sam's sweet smile widened. The same happiness that flowed through him was glowing on Sam's face, in his eyes. The green sparkle of his eyes that was the smell of rain on a hot summer's day, the feeling of soft grass under his toes, everything that was good and right in the world, that was coming home.

"I wanted to let you sleep," Sam said softly and added with a small shrug "but I didn't want you to be asleep, so here we are."

Blaine chuckled. How was it even possible that this adorable, amazing man was in his bed? Yesterday seemed like a million years ago. It seemed surreal, like a distant memory, almost like it was actually a dream. He couldn't really believe it had happened and still felt he couldn't imagine things being any other way. "I'm very happy you woke me up. I'd much rather be with you than sleep."

"So this is really happening?" Sam glanced down at their hands, lightly squeezing Blaine's fingers intertwined with his own. "For real?"

Blaine looked gravely into his eyes and nodded, "If you still want me – with all my crazy and all my stupid – I'm yours. I'm so yours."

"I want you." Sam's was voice barely more than a whisper. Letting his hand slip up Blaine's neck to his face, a grin spread on his lips again, "Oh, I want you."

* * *

Sam moved in and let his lips find Blaine's. He was really going for a tender, sweet kiss and it started out like that but it quickly grew more passionate. "God, I want you so much!" he repeated, panting, onto Blaine's lips.

Blaine gasped softly in reply and thrust his hands into Sam's hair pulling him closer, kissing him fiercely, all tongue and clashing teeth. Sam rolled on top of him, kissing him down into the pillows, cracked curls sticking out in all directions. He pushed Blaine's tee shirt up, kissing his neck. He felt himself shiver with excitement as his hand roamed Blaine's naked torso, touching him all over. Letting his fingers swipe over a nipple, squeezing it feeling it react to his touch he bowed his head down and took the other one into his mouth, gently sucking, making him gasp, slightly arching his back. Getting more turned on by the second from the way Blaine responded to his touch he rolled his hips down against him and was rewarded with a louder moan, so he rolled them again with more force. Sam had been hard since he woke up, in fact he wasn't sure he hadn't actually been hard all night, feeling Blaine's erection against his own leaking cock was pure bliss. Looking down between them he saw Blaine's pink cock head poking up over the waistband of his navy blue briefs. Quickly he pulled the soft fabric and his own underwear out of the way enough to be able to wrap his hand around them both. Not really bothering to start slowly he pumped fast and _Fuck!_ he was already so close and with Blaine underneath him solid and warm and thrusting with him, their precome providing just enough slickness, all it took was a few quick tugs before Blaine was spilling hot over his fist gasping into his mouth, and Sam followed only seconds behind. "God, babe!"

Slumping down next to Blaine on the bed, ignoring the way he smushed their come into the sheets, Sam slung a heavy arm across Blaine's chest. Not moving beyond his thumb stroking the line of Blaine's jaw, absentmindedly enjoying the feeling of the coarse stubble.

"Wow, our first time as boyfriends," Blaine chuckled, carding his fingers through Sam's hair, "and it was so epic!"

"Mm, boyfriends – I like the sound of that," Sam mused, pressing a soft kiss onto Blaine's shoulder. "But for our first time – that doesn't count! That was just 'cause I've missed you."

Blaine looked down at him, the gold of his eyes glimmering in the pale morning light, "I've missed you too." Then he added, grinning, "It still counts though."

"Okay it does, but it's not over yet, right?"

"Right," Blaine smiled, that smile that would turn Sam's knees to jelly, that is if they weren't already.

They stayed in bed for as long as they could, but eventually they both had to give in to their need to get properly cleaned up. Normally Sam would have taken his good time in the shower, daydreaming, singing but now he was restless to get back to Blaine. Of course he should have known that would just leave him waiting. Before hitting the shower Blaine had dutifully changed the sheets and as Sam sprawled face down on the bed he just barely noticed the almost silky feel of the fabric against his cheek before he promptly dozed off. He woke from Blaine's fingers sliding along his spine, feeling the heat from his body where he was sitting on the edge of the bed, like himself wearing only the towel that was wrapped around his hips.

"Hey," Blaine smiled, still slowly running his warm hand up and down Sam's back, "You're so beautiful," he mumbled.

"You're one to talk," Sam smiled, turning on his side pulling Blaine towards him until their foreheads were touching. "C'mere, babe," he growled as he kissed him and wrapping his arm around Blaine's waist he brought him down on the bed. Sam traced the subtly defined lines of his arm, let his fingers slide along his side down to the edge of the towel. Under the towel Blaine was completely naked, as was he himself and all it would take to make it come off was just a tiny flick of his finger. The fact that he'd already come once this morning did nothing to diminish Sam's fierce need to be closer to Blaine. He wanted to touch every part of him, every patch of silky skin. He was sure he could never get enough of him – every part his lips and tongue weren't touching he tried to reach with his hands. Blaine's own hands were roaming Sam's back, his sides, groping his ass and pulled Sam on top of him again.

"Sam..." Blaine arched his hips, pressing up against him, "Sam... please..."

"What, babe?" Sam kept leisurely kissing that soft spot of skin below Blaine's ear, "Tell me what you want."

"I want, I want you. Inside me."

Oh, fuck! Sam's dick twitched at Blaine's request, but he stilled, pushing himself up to look at him. He was gorgeously flushed, partially from the intense making out and partially blushing furiously at his own admission. Sam couldn't speak he just kept staring at Blaine in reverence for what was evidently a bit too long because now he stuttered "Uh, I mean only if you want... this is totally great too!"

"No, I want to! God, I want to, it's just... God you're hot!" Sam leaned down to kiss him again, deeply, before making himself pull away again, "It's just, shouldn't we take it slow or something?"

"We've sort of already done slow. I don't need any more time to know this is what I want. Not just _this_ this but _you and I_ this. But also this. But I mean, only if you want it too."

"I do."

"Good."

"So, we're doing it?" Sam asked sheepishly. Blaine didn't seem to notice or mind his sheepishness though, he just nodded slowly biting his lip making Sam groan. Then he rolled to the side and from the drawer in his nightstand Blaine produced a small bottle of lube and a strip of condoms.

"How do you want to do this?" he asked.

Sam found his slight awkwardness both adorable and reassuring, they were both a bit nervous, and that was okay. Then again he wasn't nearly as nervous as he could have been, considering how huge this all was.

"Will you let me?" Sam asked as he took the items out of Blaine's hands and put them on the nightstand. Blaine looked up at him questioningly. "We'll need them soon," Sam assured him, smiling as he looked into Blaine's eyes, wide with lust, before he leaned in and kissed him again. Feeling his chest heaving under him he started kissing his neck, slowly working his way down his body. Their towels came undone and were discarded to the floor. Sam's hand found Blaine's cock and he wrapped his fingers loosely around it, feeling him so hard making those sounds, those little gasps and whimpers, he kept stroking Blaine slowly as he planted a trail of kisses across his chest, flicking his tongue over a small pebbled nipple, kissing his stomach. Letting his hand slide up over it, pressing against the slightly soft yield of his lower abdomen. Gently his hands urged Blaine to turn on his side, allowing his lips to explore his back, running his hand all along his side, over miles and miles of smooth skin. The sounds he made, soft, whimpering, needy moans, made him feel that Blaine wanted him as bad as he wanted Blaine, and made him want him even more. But though he'd absolutely meant what he'd said about wanting to fuck him, because holy shit – he was actually going to get to fuck Blaine and just the thought of it had him right up on the edge, he wasn't about to rush it. He savored every second of this. Blaine was arching his back pushing against him, reaching back and grabbing Sam's ass to pull him closer. His dick was touching Blaine's ass and just knowing it nearly sent Sam off, but adding to it the actual feeling of it... He really didn't want to risk blowing this by coming to soon, before he'd even gotten inside Blaine. Even though he imagined he'd have zero problem getting hard again in no time, just with the way Blaine felt, the way he let Sam take the lead and so clearly enjoyed what Sam was doing to him, even if it admittedly wasn't all that much yet, the way he moaned and gasped and writhed under his touch. Sam maneuvered Blaine onto his stomach and rose to his knees, sitting back on his heels he ran his hands down Blaine's back, over firm muscles and soft skin, down to where the slope curved upwards again. He'd never seen Blaine like this before, and damn, what a sight he was. The side of his face visible - black curls falling down over his forehead, long black lashes splayed upon his cheek, the chiseled lines of his nose and jaw, the soft curves of his full lips slightly parted, his neck, his arm and his ass! Blaine was indeed perfect, head to toe, but his ass, it was like it wasn't even of this world. Sam felt himself ready to crawl out of his own skin just staring at it, he let his palms gently caress Blaine's cheeks, kneading them softly, letting the feeling wash over him. Blaine's ass felt so right in his hands, so round and soft and he never wanted to stop touching it. But he was still going crazy, simply touching wasn't enough, he needed so much more. Leaning down he placed open mouthed kisses on the supple flesh. Apparently Blaine was reading his mind now, because without Sam as much as nudging him Blaine spread his legs to let Sam settle between them, which was the exact thing he'd just imagined him doing. They'd have to explore these new powers later, because now the important thing was that it gave him even better access to Blaine's ass. He gently parted Blaine's cheeks a bit and was completely transfixed by the sight of his pretty pink hole. It was so tiny, and so so pretty. Eventually Sam was able to move again, or rather unable to not move; he dipped in and licked across the hole and Blaine stuttered out a cry. Sam continued licking him, his tongue flat against Blaine's opening, savoring the sounds it drew out of him, the way it made him squirm and his scent, through the smell of his perfumed soap came through a raw sexual smell of Blaine – Blaine was here, he was willing, he was opening himself up to Sam, giving himself to him. Sam circled Blaine's rim with the tip of his tongue before gently dipping it inside, just the tip and just very carefully, but Blaine started pushing back against him and it wasn't long before Sam had stopped holding back and was alternating kissing, sucking and just ramming into him. Blaine felt so amazing and God he was so turned on and he just needed more of this beautiful, wonderful man. He instinctively reached underneath Blaine and found his dick, that was so hard and smooth and just perfect in his hand, and started pumping without skipping a beat. Within seconds Blaine was coming, constricting around his tongue, screaming his name.

Sam rolled Blaine onto his side, lacing soft kisses on his hip and waist while he came down. "That good, huh?" he smiled and looked up at Blaine.

"It was... God, Sammy, you're... it was so good.. Though... I did really want to come when you're inside me."

"So you still want to?"

"Yeah, so much. I'm just not sure I can move yet."

"You don't need to move." As awesome as eating Blaine out and making him come was and as close it brought Sam to his own orgasm, now he really really wanted to fuck him. "Okay?" he asked gently and Blaine nodded. Sam reached for the tissues to clean what he could of the come. Most of it had regrettably landed on the bed, regrettably because of the wet stain it created and even more because Sam now realized how much he'd wanted it in his mouth. A small creamy blob was splashed on Blaine's stomach so he leaned down and licked it up. By now it was perfectly cool, and though the taste of Blaine was unmistakably there it was nowhere near as satisfying as taking an entire hot load. _Next time_ , he thought idly, for the first time allowing himself to really believe that there would be a next time. He rose to sit on his heels, gazing down on the beautiful boy splayed on the bed, content and relaxed. He still almost couldn't believe it. How was it possible that Blaine wanted this too, perhaps even as much as he did? No, he wasn't going to question it, not when his _boyfriend_ was looking up at him with that mix of love and come-fuck-me in his heavy-lidded eyes. Instead he leaned down and let their lips meet, kissing him slowly, deeply, feeling his own need, his lust for this gorgeous man grow urgent again.

* * *

Sam was kissing him. Blaine let himself be consumed by the feeling of Sam's mouth on his, it was everything he needed. His fingers were lazily entwined in Sam's hair and through his happy post-orgasmic haze Blaine was only vaguely aware of Sam doing something with his hands, something that wasn't touching him and thus not important enough to fully register in his brain. If Sam would just keep doing this exact thing he'd be happy forever. Blaine gasped when he suddenly felt something cold between his cheeks. The touch was not at all unwelcome, just surprising. Sam's hand was warm and soon the coldness was gone and he was very slowly but with ease pushing a well lubed finger passed Blaine's rim.

"Oh, fuck!" He didn't expect it to feel this good so soon after coming. Not that he didn't still want Sam, he wanted him more than ever. And being this relaxed made him appreciate Sam's ministrations even more because he could just enjoy it without feeling the need to move on or even the need to move. The urgency gradually returned, partly because what Sam was doing to him felt so good and partly because of the anticipation of what was to come. He'd always loved it when Kurt fucked him, hell, in some strange way he'd even loved getting fucked by Eli, even though, or perhaps precisely because there was no emotional connection at all. But however great it had been with Kurt it had never felt anything like this. With Sam everything was turned up to eleven and considering the man had just given him the most mind-blowing orgasm of his life, he couldn't really wait for what was coming next. And right now in this moment Sam's fingers just felt so right, everything he did, the way he kissed him, the earthy metallic smell of fresh sweat and his skin, the smell of Sam, the feeling of being completely enveloped in him. Before Sam added the second finger Blaine's breathing had grown faster and he was pushing back against Sam's hand, urging him deeper. God, for how long hadn't he wanted this? Dreamed about it. Fantasized about it. Blaine couldn't pinpoint the exact moment when he'd first known he wanted it, but he had thought about it already when he was with Kurt. Even during the time when they weren't even friends, when he'd hated Sam for leaving – and for coming back. Even then he sometimes couldn't help thinking about Sam when Kurt was inside him, it used to make him feel sad and he'd hate himself for it, and it made him come so hard. He did, however, know the exact moment when he'd first looked into Sam's kind, beautiful eyes and felt he just wanted to be close to him, from then on. There was no way he deserved this, but still somehow it was happening. Sam was having him moaning and writhing, fully hard again, and as good as Sam's fingers felt he really needed his cock now, "Sam, please... I'm ready," Blaine groaned. Though he almost regretted having said anything when Sam pulled out leaving him open and empty, aching to be filled again.

"You promise to tell me if anything doesn't feel good?" Sam looked almost worried, but smiling wickedly he added, "and tell me what does feel good."

"You'll know," Blaine smiled back. "But of course. You're not gonna hurt me, y'know. Tell you what, lie on your back." Blaine sat up, letting Sam take his place and straddled him. Smiling down at Sam's slightly stunned expression he added, "Don't worry, after you're settled I'm still gonna want you to flip us over and, um, y'know..."

"Pound you into the mattress?"

"Yeah," Blaine breathed.

"Deal."

Blaine let his eyes wander over Sam's chest down to his magnificent cock, pink and hard and so... big. This wasn't exactly news to him, but seeing it like this and knowing that very soon it would be inside him made him dizzy. He let his hands slide down Sam's torso, over firm pecs and washboard abs until finally reaching his dick. As amazing as it looked it was nothing compared to how it felt in his hand, and still after only a few moments of slowly stroking him Blaine was overcome by a desire to taste it. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that this was deviating from his plan to have Sam fucking him as soon as possible. Still he couldn't help to quickly slide down his body, pressing a few soft open mouthed kisses on his way down, nipping lightly at his nipples, but really not caring about anything but his grand prize. He licked it sloppily, before he wrapped his lips around the head - taking in as much as he could and sucked him sloppily, with no real finesse. Sam groaned and arched his back.

"Blaine, fuck..." Sam's dick had this way of fitting so perfectly while still filling him up so much, within seconds Blaine was completely lost in the sensation, bobbing up and down on Sam's dick, taking in more of it and sucking hard. Until Sam stopped him.

"Babe, that feels amazing, but I'mma come..."

Sitting back up, Blaine reached for the condoms. Ripping one open as he leaned down and kissed him, catching Sam's lower lip between his teeth and sucking it into his mouth, working as fast as he could without halting the kiss.

Blaine paused for a second to just look at Sam. He wouldn't have thought it was possible but what he saw made him want him even more. First of all it was the way he looked. Completely disheveled soft blond hair, his lips red and swollen, cheeks and neck flushed, more gorgeous than should be humanly possible. But then there was the look in his eyes, the way he looked at Blaine. There was lust unmistakably but more than that love. It was familiar but at the same time new. It had never been this intense, this unchecked before and for the first time Blaine really took it to his heart. This look of pure love and devotion was one he'd see many more times in his life, but the memory of this, the first time, he carried with him and treasured always. Sam's breathing was shallow and uneven, just like Blaine felt his own. Without breaking their eye-contact Blaine slid down until he felt Sam's erection pressing against his entrance. Sam's hands were resting on his hips, anchoring him as he slowly lowered himself onto his cock, giving himself the time he desperately didn't want but still needed to adjust and breathe as Sam filled him up inch by inch until finally he was buried as deep as he could go. As his eyes fluttered open and Sam's gaze locked onto his, they both gasped.

"Oh my god, Blaine!"

Blaine couldn't articulate a response, overpowered by how completely full he was, and just the fact that Sam's cock was inside him. It was so much, too much in a way, but also it was nowhere near enough. He needed more. He needed to move. Slowly he rolled his hips, _Oh yes!_ that was it. A moan rumbled up in his throat and he rolled his hips again. And again. Sam's grip on his hips tightened, but other than that Sam didn't really move. It would really be so much better if Sam would move. Wait, maybe he didn't know that?

"You can move," Blaine managed to get out. Apparently he was right about Sam having held back, because to Blaine's relief he immediately started thrusting up into him. And it felt so good. Amazingly, mindbogglingly good. Except it wasn't enough. Sam couldn't really fuck him with any real force in this position, and he really wanted him to. Needed him to.

"Let's switch," he told Sam who holding him tight flipped them over in one swift, well-coordinated movement, pushing in even deeper as he landed on top of him, knocking a heavy moan out of him.

"Are you okay, babe?" Sam asked, stroking his cheek. Blaine nodded, breathing heavy, not having words to express just how okay he was or how bad he wanted Sam to just continue fucking him already. But Sam seemed to get it, he started thrusting slowly as he leaned down and kissed him. Sam kept kissing him as he increased the force of his thrusts and was still kissing him when Blaine was far beyond being able to respond to the kiss and was just panting into his mouth. His own cock sliding against Sam's abs felt amazing, Sam's cock inside him, Sam doing exactly what he'd promised fucking him hard down into the mattress was beyond anything he'd felt before, infinitely better than any of his fantasies. Blaine arched his hips up against Sam and breaking the kiss but keeping their eyes locked grabbed them and lifted them up, standing on his knees he fucked Blaine holding him by the thighs, the new angle allowing him to slam in with all his force. By now Blaine's whimpering moans had turned to screams, both wordless and the more eloquent kind ranging from basic profanities to Sam's name. Blaine was so close and he really needed to touch his dick, but with the way he was supporting at least some of his weight on his forearms doing so would be a bit awkward. However Sam was nailing his prostate so perfectly every time he slammed into him and suddenly he felt his balls tighten and warmth welling up inside, he whited out as his orgasm tore through him and he was spasming around Sam's cock pulling it deeper in. Sam kept holding him in place fucking him relentlessly as he shot his come down over his own chest and moments later he felt Sam's cock expand as he unloaded deep inside him with a wordless cry. Sam let them both drop back onto the bed, panting, resting his forehead against Blaine's shoulder. Blaine's fingers worked slowly into Sam's hair, and Sam looked up at him through blond bangs.

"That was..." Blaine started, but found himself at a loss of words to describe what he felt.

"Yeah," Sam smiled, "it sure was."

Eventually they had to move, however reluctant they both were to. Blaine wiped the come off his chest while Sam disposed of the condom before slipping back into bed next to him.

"I can't believe we never did that before," Sam mused nuzzling Blaine's neck.

Blaine laughed happily, "Yeah, what were we thinking?"

"Y'know I changed my mind about Glee," Sam muttered drowsily, "we're not going."

"No, why?" Blaine's fingertips were tracing patterns in the soft, light hairs on Sam's forearm that was wrapped around his torso and he turned his head to look up at Sam's face.

"We're never leaving this house again, I just wanna stay here with you, in this bed, forever. And do that. And a bunch of other stuff."

"I like the sound of that. What other stuff?"

"Off the top of my head, two things, or three actually. I think they're all good to combine."

"Okay, what are they?"

"First of all we need to eat, right?"

"Yes, I'm starving! But I really liked the part about us staying in bed. At least for a bit more."

"Me too," Sam hugged him tighter and pressed a soft kiss onto his temple. "You know I was just kidding about not leaving the house, well, not just, but we'll still go."

Blaine chuckled softly.

"So, how do you want to handle us in Glee? Should we just walk in there holding hands or should we, like, sit them down and tell them? We should wait until after they do their numbers, right? It could pull focus and they might have questions and stuff and-"

"Sam, wait," Blaine gently cut off Sam's ramble. "Are you serious about this?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I guess I just wasn't sure you'd want people to know. I mean we graduate in a few months."

"But that's precisely why. We only have a few more months here and I want to spend them with you. I don't want to hide my feelings anymore, not from them, but most of all not from you. I want to be able to show you what you mean to me every minute of every day. Unless you don't want people to know?"

"Sam, look at me. Nothing could make me prouder than to call you my boyfriend. I want our friends to know. I want everyone to know. But I think we shouldn't rush it. Not because I don't believe in this, in us, because I do. But because it's been kind of an intense twenty-four hours and I don't want any distractions right now. I just want to focus on us and enjoy this. I want us to have it to ourselves for a little bit. Does that make sense?"

"I love you."

"I love you too," Blaine smiled. "Hey, what was the second thing on your list?"

"Watching Captain America, because we never did that before either, and I really want to do it with you."

"Yeah, I saw it with Nick and Jeff, I guess I was kind of the third wheel," Blaine chuckled dryly. Just at the thought of that time a familiar cold squeezed his heart. He'd never been able to make himself bring it up with Sam after he came back, it was just one of those things that it was easier to not think about. But Sam was here now – everything was alright, and feeling Sam's arms around him and his heart beating steadily under his hand resting on his warm chest pushed that awful feeling of losing him out. "How 'bout you?"

"I went with a whole bunch of guys from DQ, right after I got my first paycheck."

Blaine hesitated for a moment, he should just drop it. He didn't what to be needy like this. But he kind of was. "Was _he_ there?"

"Who, Josh?" Sam looked at him with concern, "Y'know, I don't know if he was it was before I even knew him. Babe... Did you want to talk about him?"

"I don't know, maybe. It's just there's this whole part of your life that I don't know anything about."

"Oh, Blaine, I'm so sorry about that. For what happened when I moved. For acting like an asshole, cutting you out of my life because I couldn't handle my feelings for you. I can't believe I treated you like that and I am so, _so_ sorry."

"Sam... I forgave you for that a long time ago. I just feel there's so much we need to talk about."

"Babe, I'm happy to talk about everything, if that's what you want. And you can ask me anything you want about my past, about the people I've dated. But the answer is always gonna be the same. None of them compare to you. Nothing I've ever felt before even comes close to what I feel when I'm with you. And I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you, and how messed up things have been at times. But I'm so ready to leave the past in the past, I want to stop being sorry and start making it up to you."

"Sam, that's... You don't have to make anything up to me."

"I do, and I will. My first order of business will be making you breakfast and then we're gonna watch Captain America and you're gonna love it."

"I already love it, and I'mma love watching it with you so much more."

"Aw, that's so sweet and cheesy, but that's not what I meant, I meant you'll actually love it."

Blaine laughed, "You know you're not really making any sense, Sam?"

"What I meant was I'll make sure you love every second of it."

"Oh?"

"Was that 'Oh?' as in 'So you're going to give me the best blowjob I've ever had while I try to watch the movie because that's just the kind of awesome boyfriend you are and also because you can't wait to have me come in your mouth'? Then, yes, because that's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Yeah, that's pretty much what I meant," Blaine grinned wrapping his hands around Sam's neck, bringing him in to let their lips touch.

"But after breakfast," Sam reminded him.

"Breakfast sounds awesome."

* * *

xxx The End xxx


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